My IUI update

IUI #3 was completed on Friday and I am feeling really good about the timing. We arrived at my RE's office at 7:30 in the morning for Patrick to do his thing. And waited while everything was being prepared. Come 8 a.m. I was starting to feel O pains. And by 8:30 I was being inseminated with roughly 42 million of Patrick's finest. When all was complete my RE said everything went perfect. Patrick and I left my RE's office and went right home because my O pains were so severe it hurt to sit. I'm hoping that, that meant we had 4 good eggs. (Fingers crossed) so now begins the two week wait.

Sorry for being MIA

The past few days have been filled with many up's and downs. The week started off fine. Great follicle check on Tuesday and a busy day of shopping to finish up just in time for Christmas. Then I got the call Tuesday night while I was at home relaxing on the couch. It was my BFF calling to tell me that her step mother was diagnosed with stage 3 pancreatic cancer and given less then a year to live. I am very close to my BFF and her family, we have known one another for almost 17 years and they are like a second family to me. I could not believe what I was hearing, there was nothing I could say. Worse then knowing that someone you love has less then a year to survive is knowing that the death of my BFF's father would more then likely follow. My BFF's father is 86 years old and not in the best of health. The only thing keeping him going this far is that his wife takes amazing care of him. With both of them ill it does not leave much hope for his future. That alone put a damper on Christmas what also happened to be my BFF's birthday. In addition to the sadness that I was already feeling. I received a call on Christmas from a friend of mine telling me that for husband of 11 years served her with divorce papers on Christmas morning. After 11 years of marriage and 4 kids one being born less then two weeks earlier. He decided she was to controlling and he no longer wanted to be married. It breaks my heart to see so many people that I love and care for going through so much pain during a time that is suppose to bring joy. It has truly been an eye opening week for me. And so it has lead me to my New Years resolution. My resolution for 2009 is to get closer to all of my family. At any moment someone you love can be taken away from you be it by divorce or death. I have been horrible about spending time with my 86 year old grandmother and it has never crossed my mind that she is 86 and although I hope and pray that she lives forever it is inevitable that one day she will go. I also have a ton of family back east that although I talk to it is not as often as I use to. Also Patrick has not seen his father in almost 2 years, I think it is due time we forgive him for all of the wrong he has done to Patrick and rebuild there relationship. We have a lot of family that we need to reconnect with, and my goal for 2009 is to make that happen.

Follicle Check #2

I walked into my appointment today with a cheerful attitude refusing to let anyone get me down. Again nurse no blood made two attempts at drawing blood before calling over the other nurse that knows how to get the job done. I smiled and made small talk in attempts to keep things peaceful. I get taken back to the ultrasound room and assume the position. My RE walks in and I quickly smile and say my hello's. I think I caught her off guard so she smiled back. My results: on my right side I have 2 10mm follicles and on my left I have an 18mm and a 12mm. I sit up and she congratulates me on all my follicles and tells me that she believes I will have 2 if not 4 viable follicles come time of IUI. (funny since she called me a one egg kind of girl only a few weeks back) And it's funny how her demeanor has totally changed. Now that I have more eggs she has more of a personality. Very odd! I trigger at 8:30pm Christmas eve and my IUI is on Friday at 8:30am. Yeah!!!!!!!!!

My RE hates me

And if she doesn't she sure could have fooled me. Let me tell you how my appointment played out. I showed up at my exact appointment time 9:30. I walk into the lobby that is completely full of people, I find a place to take a seat and wait. Come ten o'clock we are all looking at one another trying to figure out why we are all still waiting. From the corner of my eye I see her entering through the back door. Well that explains it we are all waiting because she didn't come to work on time. People start to get called back and more people show up for there appointment's. Finally I get called back but it is not to see the Dr yet, it is to have my labs done. I again get the only nurse that can't draw blood. She makes 3 attempts and gives up. Hands me a bottle of water and says I must be dehydrated. (Although I know I drank a bottle of water on my way in so that is not possible.) I go back to the lobby and wait. 10 minutes later another nurse takes me back to try to draw blood from me. This one has no problem and within a minute I am put back in the lobby to wait. It's 10:25 and the nurse finally comes to take me back to the room for my ultrasound. I get undressed and assume the position. When my RE comes into the room she is very short with me. I ask her why the new higher dose of meds is making me black and blue at all of the injection sites and she looks at me like I have two heads. I lay down and the ultrasound begins. The monitor was not turned in my direction so I had a hard time seeing anything. She counts nothing on my right side but I swear I would see 2 or 3 small ones out of the corner of my eye. And two good size follicles on my Left. At no point did she tell me the measurements as she usually does. The entire time she is giving me the evil eye like I am the devil for doing my cycle during the holidays. Finally when I sit up to talk to her she says well you "might" (insert sarcastic tone of voice) have two follicles for your IUI. But like I said before Amy, you got lucky the first time. You might just want to get use to being on those injections for a while! Especially now that we confirmed that you have elevated levels of PAI-1. WTF! I can not believe she would say something like that. Plus the PAI-1 mutation only means I have to go on blood thinners when I do get pregnant. That would not hinder me getting pregnant. She exited the room and I quickly got dressed and took off. What a F$#king Bitch! I go back on Monday for my next follicle check and as long as I am still on track my IUI should be Friday or Saturday. In the mean time I made an appointment for a consultation with a different RE. I am just sick and tired of my current RE being such a bitch!

IUI #3 is underway

And tomorrow is follicle check #1. There better be more then one freakin egg in there. Or there is going to be hell to pay! Ughhhhh stress!!!!!!!!!!!!


(This is how I feel!!!!)

Hell has finally frozen over!!!!!!!!!!!!

For the first time in 20 years Vegas has had our first sticky snow storm. It has been snowing consistently for over 4 1/2 hours out by my house, and it is not melting as usual nor does it seem to be easing up any time soon. You can actually play in it and enjoy it. It it amazing!!!! Here are some pictures I thought I would share ...

These were taken around noon









These were taken around 1:30

These were taken around 4:30





I am sure I will have more pictures as the night progresses. There looks to be no end in sight... I love this weather!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tagged

Candi
tagged me to list 7 random facts about myself.Here are the rules:
1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Share 7 random and/or weird facts about you.
3. Tag 7 random people at the end, and include links to their blog


So here goes ...

1. I cry like a baby to Billy Joel. Not because I have a thing for him or anything like that, but because he reminds me of NY and only when I hear him sing am I reminded of how homesick I am.

2. When I was younger I was in a bowling accident and now I have a fear of bowling. I know it sounds hard to believe that such an accident can happen so I will share the story of how it happened. I was 9 and my parents took my sister and I bumper bowling. We had just started playing and I was first up. I was super excited that I knocked down a pin and while walking back to my seat somehow managed to slip and smash my face open on the ball return. My mother said there was a water on the floor that I slipped on. Regardless I ended up passing out and came to as my mother was laying me on the counter as we waited for my father and the car to run us to the hospital. I remember opening my eyes to two old ladies with white hair telling me that everything was going to be ok. I thought I had died. Anyway 48 stitches later you will not catch me bowling. I stay a safe distance away.

3. I ran away to Chicago when I was 17 to go visit my first love JR. I called my mother from payphones while I was there just to tell her that I was ok. When I came back home she didn't speak to me for a week.

4. I once got hit in the face with a maxi pad while driving in my old VW cabrio on the 15 freeway in San Diego. My Cousin had come out to visit me and we were out bar hopping downtown. For some reason we thought it would be fun to drop the top on our way home. Anyway something blew into the car and smacked me in the face right by my mouth. I quickly pulled it from my face just in time for my cousin to scream OMG that's a bloody pad. She peed in her pants she was laughing so hard. I on the other hand did not find it so funny. I went home and took a scalding hot shower. And to this day every time we see a VW cabrio she cracks up laughing thinking about my pad to the face experience.

5. I can't share drinks or utensils with anyone. If I am drinking from a can and someone takes a sip I give them my drink. The thought of not knowing where there mouth has been creeps me out. I'm getting better at this when it comes to Patrick but anyone else yuck!

6. I poke at my husband when he snores in his sleep and pretend to be asleep when he wakes up trying to figure out what is going on. I sometimes even use Molly's paw so that he thinks it's her. I don't know why I find this amusing but Patrick's snoring gets sooooooooooo bad when he drinks it keeps me from sleeping. Sometimes he even snores so loud that he wakes him self up mid snarf. So what I usually do is lay there in bed and poke him in the arm, pluck hairs from his chest or I take Molly's paw and paw at him. Then I quickly close my eyes and pretend to be asleep. I have been doing this for over 4 years and I still don't think he knows it's really me.

7. I hate things between my toes. So much so that if even the smallest string gets wrapped around my toe I throw up. My sister use to find this so amusing that she would sit on me and put the phone cord between my toes just to make me puke. To this day if I am getting a pedicure and they try to put cotton between my toes or those little foam flip flops on my feet I freak out.


I tag Lynn,
Chele,
Amber,
Shell,
Jenna,

Being a bitch sometimes pays off

Today I had an all out battle with my RE's office. It was me vs them and I was not going to let them win! I called bright and early to schedule my ultrasound since the DR said that today would be day 3 since Friday I was not heavy flow all day. No biggy! I call and get the office manager who must have been having a bad day and decided to take it out on me. She tried to tell me that I needed to go on BCP for a week while we waited approval from the insurance company. I quickly put my foot down. I have never had to wait a week to get an approval from my insurance company I said. What can I do to expedite this? Nothing! she said back in a nasty tone of voice. I will put the request in, in the next 5 minutes but that is all I can do. We hung up the phone and I called my insurance company. The girl informed me that an approval request can take up to 24-48 hours but that the RE's office could call in and try to get an exception if I had an appointment today. I quickly called my RE's office back to tell the manager what the insurance company had told me. Before I could even take a breath she replied back that's what they always say, but they never do it. So are you not willing to call I asked. No she said in a very stern tone. I was taken back for a second. I could not believe she would not even consider calling for me. You would think that what I was asking for was a big deal. We hung up the phone and I cried for a good hour or so. I could not believe that this is how my RE's office would treat a patient. What have I ever done to be treated like this. Patrick begged me to call the insurance company back and see if there was any other options for me. The girl that picked up my call was the nicest woman I have ever spoken to. She could tell that I had been crying and said she was going to help remedy this matter. I could tell by the way that she was speaking to me that she really meant it. She told me she would call me as soon as the request from my RE was in the system. And an hour later when she called back I could tell she was working hard to get my approval. The only thing I had to wait for was for a nurse at the insurance company to sign off. This amazing girl walked my insurance paperwork through the entire approval process just to help out a stranger. She even called the nurses to see about having my insurance request pushed ahead. I could not believe that this woman was willing to do all of this just to help me. With approval number in hand I said my goodbye's and thanked this girl for all of her hard work. When I called my RE's office with the approval number and what I consider good news they did not seem as excited as I was. The rude office manager seemed more pissed off that I was able to accomplish this then anything. She scheduled my appointment for 2:30 but then proceeded to tell me that I need to bring $200 to pre pay my insemination cycle this month. I wanted to curse her out but instead I said see you at 2:30!

When I arrived at my appointment I was filled with anxiety. Was I now hated by the office for pushing so hard to get what I want. Was I wrong for not wanting to skip this month. I began second guessing myself. But I walked into the office and put on a happy smile like everything was great. Every glance that I got from anyone on the staff made me question if I even wanted to deal with this RE's office any more. I was then called back to the ultrasound room and the first thing out of my RE's mouth when she walked in was "Are you really gonna make me work on Christmas?" No I said. If all goes as planned my IUI date should be either Friday or Saturday. Christmas is on Thursday so I think we will be ok. Besides I'm Jewish so Christmas is really not that big of a deal to me. The look on her face was priceless. It was a cross between did you really just way that to me and are you the devil? I laid on the table and she said well as long as you have no cysts I guess we are good to start your cycle. I could see where she was going with this. She was going to bullshit me and tell me I had a cyst just to get out having to go forward with this cycle. How do you know the difference between a cyst and a follicle I asked. Anything over 10mm would be a cyst since you are only on CD 3 anything under is a follicle. I watched as she counted and measured 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 I watched the entire thing and saw nothing over 5mm but I waited for her to lie. I think she could see that on my face so she replied well you have 5 follicles. I guess we are good to start. I could see she was not to happy with me. But I have been at this for far to long to let Christmas get in my way! I don't really feel like I was wrong for taking control of the situation like I did. I just don't think some people understand when not to get in the way of a woman on a mission. Truth be told I think I handled this headache pretty gracefully. I am sick of being pushed around and made to feel like I am not important. I pay to much money to my RE to be made to feel like just some piece of sh*t.

Snow in the Desert

I know snow is not exciting to most of you but out here in Las Vegas we NEVER see snow. So when I woke up this morning the last thing I expected was a call from my Mom saying it was snowing. I took some pictures because it's funny seeing snow on the palm trees.

Bad Day / Good Day

As you all know AF made a guest appearance last night. So I called me RE to inform her of the current events only to be told that I had to come in anyway for the beta because it was there policy. I dragged my butt across town to have my blood taken by my favorite nurse. The only nurse on this planet that has a hard time getting blood from me. After 3 sticks with a needle I proved to nurse needle happy that I do in fact have blood running through my veins. I had a brief encounter with my RE about what our plan would be when the test comes back BFN, and her response to me was that I shouldn't be so negative. I explained that I am not negative but a realist. AF is here, and from the looks of it she is here to stay! So I know that it's only common sense that AF = BFN. With that I left and waited confirmation of my results. She called me to tell me they were in fact BFN. Thankfully that was something I already knew and had expected, so it didn't hurt as bad as it could have. I asked her if we could up my meds since I am sick of this one egg BS and then my RE said the nastiest thing anyone has ever said to me. She said well Amy maybe you are only a one egg kind of girl. If she had been in my face I probably would have punched her. I am young and healthy and I refuse to believe my body is not capable of producing more then one viable egg per cycle. She agreed to up me to 175iu but said I needed to go on BCP because she was going on Vacation around January 8th. I immediately lost my cool and flipped out. Yelling that I refused "REFUSED" to go on BCP since I feel that is why I didn't respond well to my meds in this past cycle. I asked her is she had planned to be in town the week of Christmas to which she replied yes. And then I asked what the problem was then since AF was here today and my insemination seem to happen roughly around CD 15-16 December 27th and 28th that there was NO reason why I had to miss this month. Do you know what this woman had the nerve to say to me??? That I could not count today as day one since I was on progesterone. What the hell does that have to do with anything? Day one is the first day of full flow. That would be TODAY! We went back and forth with this for about 5 minutes before she said well we will make plans based off of when AF fully shows. (At one point I was going to ask if she wanted me to drop off my tampon so that she could see that I was having full flow but decided that might be just alitte to much). Tomorrow I am going to call her and let her know that AF was super heavy tonight so I know it was my day 1. If she says anything stupid I might drive over there to smack her. Why does it have to be so complicated.

I also got the results of my last genetic test back for my PAI-1 and it came back elevated. Confirming that when I do get pregnant I am going to have to go on Lovenox injections. It sucks but atleast there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

On to good news. A friend of a friend had some follistim she needed to get rid of and offered to sell me 6 boxes of 300iu follistim for $60 a box. I am so happy because upping my meds would have cost me big bucks. This was a total life savor. I am ready for IUI #3 and I am going into this cycle positive.

I must have been on the naughty list

Because AF is pretty much here and I get no Christmas miracle. I went way across town to the only pharmacy that carries my progesterone prescription and when I got home AF decided to stop by and say hi! What a waist of $50 that was. My plan now is to wait for her to be here in full force. That should be by later on tonight or tomorrow morning. Then tomorrow I will see if my RE thinks it is necessary for me to still come in for my blood test. Although I'm probable still going to have to go so we can make a plan for IUI#3. Oh well such is life.

12 DPIUI = BFN and spotting

I woke up this morning and the EPT was just taunting me to pee on it. So I did! I can't say I am surprised that it was a BFN. But I am going to continue with my progesterone and hope that when I test again (or go for my beta whatever comes first as long as it is not AF) that by some miracle it comes back BFP. For now I am going to watch PS I love you and hang out in bed. It's a lazy day! =) At least until I get a call from work with something that I need to do.

Edited:
So I decided to call me RE and see if I could come in tomorrow instead of Monday. I am so impatient! She said that it would be ok. But to be aware that it might be to early. I don't really care thought I NEED TO KNOW NOW!!!!!! it is driving me out of my mind. So I will let you ladies know as soon as I get the results. Although I still have a feeling it is going to be BFN.

To pee or not to pee ... that is the question

Since I am still on the subject of pee, today I am 10 DPIUI. I tested at 7 DPIUI just to make sure the HCG was out of my system. I mean I'm not crazy enough to POAS 7 DPIUI and hope that a BFP would appear (That's my story and I'm stickin to it). Back in July (IUI #1) I had my first beta at 12 DPIUI but it was only a 14. BFP but only a 14. This time around I don't go for my first beta until I am 16 DPIUI. There is no way I can hold out until Monday to find out this cycle is a bust. But I don't know when to test, or even if I should test. So I am posting a survey. Help me out here girls I have to much time on my hands and only 2 tests to pee on.

WTF?

I've seen some strange things in my day, but today I caught Molly talking a poop in my bathtub! Now I am not going to mention how about 5 minutes earlier I had taken her out for a walk and she also went #2 out there (ok well maybe I will mention it). So we come back in the house and I get on the computer to do some work. About 5 minutes passes and I think to myself is that bitch laying on my pillow again. You see the past few days I have caught her sprawled out on my pillow like she is the queen of my bed and that is her thrown. Not wanting to rest my face on where her butt has been I end up changing my pillowcase every night. Anyway so I walk in to my room and she is nowhere to be found. I walk into the bathroom to get a hair clip and in the mirror I see what looks like Molly in my shower. It strikes me as odd but I think nothing off it as she has not had an accident in the house in over 5 years. I glance down to check on her and sure enough there she is pooping in my bathtub. I throw her a magazine because she might as well have something to read while she is in there and I am definitely going to need something to chase her around the house with when she's done. I can't believe she made it as far as the bathroom and couldn't atleast use the toilet. I mean how rude!!!! And when I went to yell at her for defecating in my bathtub she gave me this face like "It wasn't me mommy, it was my evin twin". Just how I wanted to spend my Monday, Sick and sanitizing the bathtub for 3 hours. And yes I said three hours. I had to use comet with bleach then I had to use scalding hot water and I went back and forth with the two for three hours. Needless to say after the first 30 minutes I was high off the fumes. But on the plus side it did help un stuff my nose.

The worst part of this story is that it gave me a flash back. Fall of 2002 I was living in San Diego. My Fiance at the time we shall call him the insperminator (I will save that story for a later time) and I had just had a falling out and I had just kicked him out weeks before. I was all alone and bored. So without much hesitation I called an old guy pal of mine that I knew lived about 30 minutes away to come visit and keep me company. Yes he was an ex BF we had dated when I was in high school and had kept in touch. Anyway so the ex show up at my apartment with a movie, we order pizza and have a few beers and just hang out reminiscing. Hours pass and more and more alcohol is consumed and at this point I know his intention is to stay the night. But not wanting to make a bad drunken rebound decision I allowed him to sleep on the couch. We say our good nights and off in our own beds we went. I spent an hour or so tossing and turning in my bed questioning if I had made the right decision. Was it rude to put him on the couch. It's not like sleeping in my room meant that we would have to DTD. And just as I sat up to invite him in my room I heard him get up off the couch and walk into the bathroom. And that was when I heard him peeing. Only problem was I couldn't hear it hit water. It was just not the sound that pee makes when it hits the toilet water. I waited for him to flush but instead I heard the shower turn on. Was this man really going pee in my shower? He exited the bathroom and I just had to ask. Without hesitation he replied, "yeah sorry I was drunk and confused". That was the last time I spoke to that ex. Any man that would just pee in the shower I knew was just NOT the man for me. After I kicked him out of my apartment I cleaned the bathroom from top to bottom with comet with bleach but that bathroom was just never the same. Later I heard a story from a mutual friend of ours about how another ex of his caught him peeing in her kitchen sink. I mean who does this kind of stuff!!! Ahhhhh memories ........

Getting ready for the holidays

So I spent the day going through allllll of our Christmas stuff we have out in the garage, and started putting everything up. The inside of out house is now Christmas ready but the outside .... not so much! I had so much fun going though all of the things we have collected over the year. And can you imagine in only 2 years of marriage and 5 1/2 years together we have boxes upon boxes of decorations. Every year we go to the store and pick out an ornament that has special meaning to the both of us to add to our tree. The first Christmas after we were married we picked out a silver R (for our last name) with swarovski crystal to hang from the star at the top of the tree. And for our second Christmas we got a rottweiler angel because the puppy that I had gotten Patrick as a Christmas gift the year before had passed away. If I can break the hold that ESPN has on Patrick, I am going to try to get him to go with me over the weekend to pick out our new ornament. As well as hang the Christmas lights. I know this may sound funny but when we first bought Christmas lights I did not want to feel like a total trader to my religion so I made Patrick buy blue lights. Since blue is a Hanukkah color it made me feel better about myself. Then we added an 8 foot Santa Clause to the mix, and well there is no longer any sign that there is someone Jewish in this house. Oh well at least my MIL will be happy ... j/k.

Here are some pictures I thought I would share. My camera batteries were dead so I took all of the pictures of the tree and the house with my cell phone. They are not the best but oh well =)

Pigging out for my B-day

Tomorrow is my Birthday but since Wednesdays are bowling night Patrick asked if it was ok that we went out tonight instead. I have to tell you we went to this amazing restaurant that just opened up afew months ago. I have never been to a Brazilian steakhouse and either has Pat so this was a first and we had no idea what to expect (http://www.texasdebrazil.com). I must admit there was so much food when we left I felt like I had pigged out. I think I ate more tonight then I did on Thanksgiving. And now I feel like I am going to die from over eating. Ughhhhh I am so full!!!! Must go walk up and down the stairs to that the pound of meat I ate does not stick to my ass.

Question

I'm hoping one of you can answer this for me. As you all know I had my IUI on Saturday. I have been trying not to stress but I just feel like something went wrong. First off as I said in a prior post because of how bad IUI #1 was my RE gave me a prescription for valium it definitely helped calm my nerves but I never got O pains like I always do. So now I am concerned that I did not O. Then I got into a conversation with a friend that also goes to the same RE as me about my RE's sperm washing techniques. And it became clear to us that something is not right. Let me give you an example Patrick had 116 million swimmers with 79.6% motility after wash my RE said we ended up with 80 million healthy swimmers but my RE only inseminated me with 40 million. Reason being they only use 5cc when they inseminate you and that was exactly half of the swimmers. Why would they not use all 80 million swimmers. Is that odd to anyone else or just me???

Tha Husband Song

My father sent this to me today and I got such a great laugh out of it that I thought I would share

(Update) & IUI #2 is complete =(

So Patrick and I had a long talk after his talk with my step father. And long story short he apologized and said that the comment about loosing the baby being my fault was taken out of context. How one could take that out of context is beyond me but regardless I gave him one get out of jail free pass. I'm still not happy about how everything has gone down this week. But I decided to go through with the IUI this morning anyway. My reasons being 1) my 28th birthday is on Wednesday and It is my goal to have a baby before I am 30. 2) I did not want to regret spending all of that money on injections only to give up on the only part that my insurance covers. And 3) Because I want a baby more then anything in this world and after 2 1/2 years of trying I am just not ready to give up. So bright and early this morning I woke up and popped my 2 valium that my RE gave me in order to help me relax during my IUI as to not have a repeat of our first IUI. Jumped in the shower got dressed and off we went. I had some concerns about if I had already ovulated on my own pre HCG because I had some O like cramps on Thursday before I took my trigger but my RE did an ultrasound and confirmed that I didn't. So at 9:30 this morning I was inseminated with 40 million sperm. And now I am just waiting until my O pains kick in to confirm the timing. It's 4:48 P.M. now and so far I have felt nothing! Oh well, I really don't have high hopes for this month but at least I know I tried.

Thank you all for your support this week. You have no idea just how much I appreciate it. There is no way I could have ever gotten through all of this stress without all of you.

Lost

I don't ask for much. I consider myself to be a pretty good wife. I don't complain when my husband waists an entire weekend drinking beer and watching sports. I don't bitch that every Wednesday after working all day that I have to go with my husband to his bowling league and hang out while he bullshits around with his friends and has a good time. I don't even complain when they decide to bowl a few "practice rounds" after and we end up out until after 11 pm when I have to wake up for work early in the morning the following day. All I ask is that the week of my insemination that he cut out alcohol and energy drinks. Now I understand that it is Thanksgiving tomorrow and he will be watching football and wanting a beer. But I don't feel like I am asking for the world just one week. I am so very sick and tired of being the only one that has to make sacrifices. Since we have been TTC I have cut out caffeine completely, taking daily vitamins not including some of the medications I was on before TTC and the ones that I have started taking since TTC, I have been poked and prodded I have had more people dig around in my crotch then any woman should have to endure. I have had HSG's, SIS's, D&C's, constant blood work and ultrasounds, hormones of disaster, I have had to take Clomid and stick needles in my body to the point where my thigh looks like a pin cushion. I have had to plan my life around shooting up. I have not had a drink in god only knows how long and all this jerk has to do is hump a plastic cup. It's fing bulls*%$. And the fact that he acts like I'm a jerk for asking him not to drink this week just blows my mind. Am I crazy for asking this? Am I making a bigger deal out of this then it needs to be? And why when I explain that I do not want the alcohol to affect his count on Saturday he says to me, Amy the Dr said I was a rock star last time I do not think a few beers this time is going to make much of a difference. Besides did I get mad at you back in July when we waisted all of that money and lost the baby because of you. I hung up the phone on him and have been avoiding his calls ever since. I'm speechless, there is nothing he could say to make that comment ok with me. And now I know how he truly feels. That it's all my fault. It's bad enough that I have been feeling like it is my fault but to have him come right out and say it just hurts.

And so the story goes ...

I now have one 18mm follicle on my left side the other two well they were nowhere to be seen. And I have one 12mm follicle on my right side. Where that one came from no one really knows.

Here is what I think happened: I think that the 3 8mm follicles from last Monday got into a fight. One moved over to the right ovary because it didn't want to be around the other two and so it decided it wanted to go off and grow in it's own. With the travel time from moving it missed afew day's that it should have been growing hence why it is only 12mm. While this was occurring the two that remained on the left side continued to fight and one got kicked out of the ovary to never be seen again. Some might call it murder. But I guess we will never know since the 18mm won't talk.

Ok enough of my crazy talk. I can assume that the 12mm won't catch up by the time I trigger on Thursday night. So from the looks of it, I again only have on good egg come time of my IUI. I do intend to keep soaking me feet in hopes that my little 12mm straggler catches up. Oh well what can you do. My IUI is scheduled for Saturday at 9:30 in the morning. DH is not thrilled about getting up bright and early to diddle in a cup at 8 a.m. but he will have to get over that FAST! So for Thanksgiving I get all the fixings with a trigger shot on the side. Fun Fun!

My nephews new car

My parents bought my nephew a walker shaped like a car and it has quickly become his new favorite toy. He is only 8 months old and already a little speed racer. I went to go see him earlier today and had a good laugh at how cute he was racing around the kitchen island honking his horn. It was one of the funniest things I have ever seen. He was chasing the dog and following me around, and when I walked out of the room onto carpet where he couldn't go with his little walker he honked his horn and screamed at me. It was to cute!

Insult to injury

Wednesday is Patrick's bowling night. His boss, a fellow co worker and my step father all bowl together on a league. Since the bowling alley is in a casino my mother and I tag along and go out to eat and catch up with one another. So on Wednesday we did our usual and meet at the bowling alley to decide where we wanted to go. When we arrived at our destination we got to talking about my cousin that lives in Australia. And how he was out in NY visiting his mother (my aunt). My mother informed me that he and my other cousin were in route to Florida to visit out grandmother and how it would have been nice if my sister and I would have gone and meet up with them. The hormones must have gotten to me because I immediately chewed my mothers head off saying that if I would have known there plan I would have gone. It really ticked me off. How the heck was I to know that they were going to travel out to Florida. What am I psychic??? My mother realized that she struck a nerve and immediately changed the subject. But not thinking about what she was saying she proceeded to tell me that my cousin that just had a baby in May is trying to get pregnant again. I excused myself from the table and went to the bathroom to cry. I know that her comment would have bothered me regardless but the hormones make it 50 million times worse. I have been on such a hormonal roller coaster these past few days. I just don't know how I'm going to handle the holidays being this big of a train wreck. I know that most people don't even realize they are saying anything hurtful. My mother had no clue that what she was telling me would hurt me. But what people don't seem to understand is that I have been at this for so long everything baby related hurts. I just need to find the strength to make it through the holidays. After that I can crawl back into my hiding spot and hope that everyone just leaved me be.

Thanksgiving Survey

Thanksgiving Survey from Quizopolis.com
Where will you be eating this Thanksgiving? - My moms house
Will you be watching a game this Thanksgiving? - of course
How long will you spend eating your thanksgiving meal? - IDK 20-30 minutes
Are you worried about putting on weight this Thanksgiving? - No
What do you normally eat at Thanksgiving? - Turkey, cranberries, sweet potato, stuffing the normal stuff
What is your favorite Thanksgiving food? - Turkey
What will you be thankful for this Thanksgiving? - Friends and Family
What is your best Thanksgiving memory? - Last year when I had all of my family and Patrick's family over to eat.
Do you give cards or presents at Thanksgiving? - No
Are you planning on going shopping the day after Thanksgiving? - No if all is planned correctly I will be making a baby that day
Will you be waking up early to hit the sales? - No

Follicle check #1

So I have 3 follicles on the left side and nothing on the right side. The 3 follicles that I do have are nothing great only measuring in at around 8mm a piece. As my RE put it they are slow progressing. I'm really bummed! She canceled my appointment that I had for Monday and moved me to Tuesday. I really would like to have at least 2 good follicles come time for my IUI. I just don't get it. The cycle before she put me on BCP I had produced 2 good follicles on my own. So why can I not do the same on these injections?

How can people be so nasty!

For those of you who don't know, I work in real estate. The company I have worked for over the past 4 years only has 3 employees. My boss, me and Patrick. My boss Chuck spends his day's BSing with builders, clients and looking for potential clients, Patrick is our realtor (although this is not his full time job his second job is in collections) and I run everything! I handle our clients, overseeing construction of new projects (rehabs), rentals, scouting new homes, you name it, I do it. So anyway back to my point of all this. About 2 months ago Chuck had a friend of a friend that needed somewhere to live. I try to make it a point not to mix business & friends as it always ends up bad. The only place I had that was vacant was a mid rise condo that we rent as a vacation rental. Since it is located right on the strip and I had fully furnished it. I really did not like the idea of renting it to someone that was trying to make it there permanent home. But against my better judgement I was talked into it. The girl that moved in (we will call her Heather) came packed with just her clothing. I walked through the property with her and she was impressed with my decorating skills. Complimenting me on having such great taste. I went over the lease with her and she signed it. But when I asked to collect her check from her she suddenly remembered that she forgot her check book and would have to meet with me or Chuck later on that day. I called Chuck as I did not want to leave without a check since it was just not how I operated. He convinced me that he would pick it up from her later. So I handed her the keys and let her know that I refused to list her on the gate (the property is guard gated and no one can come in without being on the gate list) until I received payment and left. I had this feeling in the pit of my stomach that something was going to go wrong. For days I repeatedly asked Chuck if he received the rental payment from Heather and each day I go the same answer. He called and I called we even both stopped by but she was never there or at least never answered the door. Finally Chuck meet with her and she gave him half of what she owed for October but by now we were one week into November. She promised that I would have the money by the 12th but when the 12th came and went I still had not received anything from her. So Chuck and I had a meeting and decided enough was enough so we posted a 5 day pay or quit on the door. And when the 18th (today) rolled around and she had not called or paid we went over to change the locks. We approached the door and could smell a foul odder. What it was I have no clue and hope to never find out. I walked in first and all I could hear beneath my feet was slush slush. I could tell there was water under my feet. Chuck hit the lights and you could hear both of us gasps, I had never seen anything so nasty in my life. Do you hear that I said? The shower is running. Chuck called out, Heather are you here. No one answered back. We backed out of the condo and closed the door. We decided to wait for security to come as we did not know what we were walking into.

Security showed up and walked the condo. They came out 5 minutes later and gave us the all clear to walk in. The shower in the master bathroom was plugged up and left running. It must have been running for a good week as it had soaked every inch of flooring throughout all 1100 sq feet of the condo. All I could do was cry. Plants were destroyed glass was broken, condoms were on the floor. It was like nothing I had ever seen. I walked towards the guest room when the security guard yelled don't be alarmed it is just ketchup. I turned the corner and what looked like blood was dumped all over everything from the walls to the carpet. She even tried to set the bed on fire. My heart broke. Was this an act of vandalism or was she just this nasty. On the kitchen counter was a piece of paper rolled up like a straw. And when I looked at the counter there was white powder on it. Could drugs have played a roll in why they destroyed my clients condo? Who knows at this point. All I do know is that I am so disappointed in myself for not going with my gut on this one. Usually if I am really adamant about something Chuck knows it is for a valid reason and to just agree with me. But in this situation I let someone convince me otherwise. I spent a month decorating that condo. I designated my weekends to the rehab of the kitchen and flooring. I practically lived there for the month that construction was taking place. I hand picked the granite counters, travertine flooring and carpet. I hung TV's put furniture together this project was my baby. I had a plan to buy as many of the bank owned units as my investors could afford in this building, and rent them as vacation rentals since I had such a great response from this one unit. And in five seconds flat all of my hard work was destroyed. To make matters worse when I went to the security gate to inform the guard not to let anyone other then me on premise for our unit he replied you not Amy ... I know her and you are not her. I had to pull out my drivers licence and prove to him who I was. I guess the only way she could get in to the complex was by saying she was me. After I meet with the security guards the neighbor across the hall came over to talk to me and filled me in on something I found real interesting. Heather was a prostitute. From what the neighbor told me she had men in and out of the apartment all day and night. I guess my condo was her little hooker hideaway. The neighbor said she was unsure at first but overheard Heather in the hallway one night discussing prices, With a man that this neighbor recognized right away as a once famous boxer. I can not believe that these things were going on in one of my properties. I have always been a very picky landlord specifically for these reason. I never wanted to be a slum lord and I never wanted these kind of tenants. In my 6 years in this business 4 years of running Chuck's company I have had such a great success rate as far as tenants go. Not to say that I have never had nasty tenants but never anything close to this.

On Schedule for IUI #2

I had a great visit with my RE today. And tonight we start my follistim injections. Ahhhhh what a sigh of relief! She said my ovaries look calm (whatever the heck that means). And I go back on Thursday for my first follicle check. I am just so happy right now. I feel really good about this month. Only thing I have to do before Thursday other then start my injections is go and have one last blood test done to check for PAI-1 (plasminogen activator inhibitor-1). Although I swear I have already been checked for that, and it came back negative. But to appease I will go today and have the test done. I'm off to a good start and hopefully the next few weeks will run just as smooth.

Guess who showed for breakfast!

Yep, she is here, and I am thrilled. I'm finally back on track. Monday morning I have a Dr appointment and Monday night I get to start my injections. Yeah!

Just took my last pill ... And now we wait

That's right I just took my last BCP, hopefully AF will not take forever to show up. If all goes as I have planned it, AF will hopefully be here on Saturday. And come Monday I will be back to shooting up! (If all goes as planned) So with that I leave you with a little South Park Ditty called the period song .....

Dream or Nightmare... Hmmmm

So last night I had a dream that scared the crap out of me. Here's how it went ...

I was in my RE's office to receive the results of my BETA and it came back BFP. I was so excited my mom was with me since Patrick had to be at work. We went into the ultrasound room to see how many little beans were in there and I remember it so clearly I laid down on the table and watched as she pointed out a little heartbeat. It was amazing! Then she started counting one, two, three, four, five, six ....! You have six little heartbeats. My mother was crying with excitement and that is about when I woke up.

Holy Crap could you imagine. I know it is virtually impossible but it still scared the daylights out of me. My RE has at least one patient that I know of that delivered sextuplets (see link http://www.maschemiracles.com/ ) conceived via IUI. So that got me thinking how many is to many and what would I do if we ended up with more then one or two babies. I asked Patrick what he thought and he said well I guess we would do whatever was safest for you and the babies. I could tell that I had freaked him out, but this was something neither of us had thought about. I know that with my RE upping my meds to produce more eggs we will be at a greater risk of multiples. And while I welcome the idea of having two since we have decided we are only going through this headache one time and one time only. What if we ended up with more then we could physically or financially handle. I never intended on being a stay at home mom. I love working and couldn't imagine not, heck with more then two babies I could never afford not to work.

I think I have stressed myself out enough for one day... So with that I have to get my butt back to work so I can save up in case I ever birth a litter of puppies =)

One more day and then the wait for AF begins

Time has flown by and tomorrow is my last night of BCP. I wonder how long it will take AF to show after my last pill? I keep looking in the refrigerator at my follistim cartridges, last night I actually told them that I would be seeing them soon. Patrick looked at me like a had lost my mind. I can't help it I am just so excited! I feel like a little kid around Christmas. Staring at the presents hoping my parents will let me open just one and being told I have to wait till Christmas. (Or in my case Hanukkah) The anticipation is killing me.

My mom decided to have alittle Christmas list fun as well

So of course I called my mother and sister as soon as we got home from my MIL house to read them the ridiculous list that my MIL gave me. And I made sure to send my mom and sister a copy of my list that they got such a good laugh at they distributed it to my mothers side of the family for a laugh. Well all of 15 minutes ago an e-mail from my mom appeared in my inbox with my mothers list. I thought it was pretty funny and had to share. I have a feeling more lists will be coming my way.

WITH THE HOLIDAYS APPROACHING I FEEL THAT WE SHOULD EXPRESS OUR DESIRES TO HAVE A HAPPY HEALTHY HOLIDAY.

I feel a little left out around my holidays as well as yours Amy. Hanukkah is a fun filled dradle spinning time filled with laughter and family. Come light the Hanukkah candles. I feel that Pat should learn the prayer and say it one night during the 8 nights of celebration. I would also appreciate some presents being wrapped in Hanukkah wrapping paper as well if we must X-mas paper. I would liked to be joined during the Passover Holidays at a family dinner filled with Gefilte fish, liver, and matzoh. I would also appreciate your fasting along with me during Yom Kipper it will shed your bodies of sin and cleanse you. ( you cannot brush your teeth drink water and put anything in your mouth for 24 hours.

I am old and can't afford a cleaning girl. Maybe the two of you can help clean once or twice a month that's how often I do the hard stuff, shower etc....I love the Lifetime channel so come watch a movie with me. I'll even make popcorn.

I've always wanted to go to Mexico and any all inclusive vacation to a beach area with a spa etc..save up your extra money. It would be great, if you can pay for our trip. You'll have to watch the dog and Sabrina and knowing Jenifer probably Reece while were gone, you might as well use that time to clean my house so that I can be surprised when I come home to a extra-clean house. Replace everything you eat in the Refrigerator and cabinets (money doesn't grow on trees for food you know). Oh! If you really want to surprise me, mow the lawn, pick up the dog shit, it would make me so happy.

I can use, new jeans, tops, underwear, shoes. Don't buy anything with Rayon in it, it wrinkles to easily, and only machine washable. If you see something you really like that has to be dry cleaned buy it and include a gift certificate to Al Philips the Cleaners..

Please stop shaving Molly, I feel so bad for her after, she looks weird.

Amy a love when you blow out your hair so please do that for me once in a while when you take me out for lunch.

Pat if you could cut down to 10 beers when I'm around you I would feel much better about you destroying your Liver.

Call you grandmother more often, she is almost 86 years old. Who knows how long she will be with us, if you throw in a couple of Jewish expressions during the conversation OY will she be happy.

Rainbow cookies, brownies, Ice cream some of my favorites.
Chinese Wor Wonton soup as well as my own chicken soup (do you want the recipe).
Salad , love salad, Amy why don't you join me in a salad one day. That would take by breath away. I'll treat.

Once in a while it would be nice if you would give me gambling money a hundred or so.

Desperate Housewife, lost

Jose Grobin love his voice, music.

Ice cream sodas,egg creams, jelly candy, jelly beans

So many wants not enough time, years are passing fast. You never know when the end will come. I don't want you to feel guilt after I'm gone so do what you can for me now while I'm still here.

Happy holidays, hopefully it won't be the last. May god bless everyone and keep us all safe

My Christmas list for my MIL

Patrick's response to his mothers Christmas list was just to shake his head in disbelief. He said he is going to have a talk with her about it but I have a feeling he won't. So here is my Christmas list back to her. I would never send it because it is way to mean, but it felt good venting!



#1. Fertility treatment is very expensive and while my mother has contributed to the cause you haven't! I did not want to make you feel left out or have you feel that this is more of her grandchild then yours, since she has helped pay for it. So with that being said checks can be made to Dr L w/ RRF. Or you can get me a gift certificate to Schrafts Pharmacy. One cycle of medication runs close too $2,000 not including what I have to pay to the Dr.



#2. Book swap. I will read the Bible but at the same time feel that it is imperative that you read the Torah. Have your priest call my rabbi and we can make the swap.



#3 I would not be opposed to going to Church but I feel that it should be again a fair swap. So I will go to midnight mass and expect to see you at temple all 8 nights of Hanukkah.



#4 Cookie Exchange! I am all for this but remember we are embracing our new traditions and with that I feel all cookies should be kosher.



#5 I feel that there are some issues that you are trying to work on in your Christmas list but for some reason are unable to come right out and let us know what is going on. I feel it might be in the family's best interest to seek therapy to find out what is making you feel unloved and unappreciated. It is not a competition between my family and yours. I know sometimes you feel like you are the last to know and my family is always the first to know. But if it makes you feel any better I like you more then I like my own father! And he will always be the last to know anything.



#6 I have given you a book to write all about yourself in. I know how hard it must be for you to ramble on and on when you have to write down all of your thoughts. But the purpose of that is so that I can turn the page when I get board. If I have to talk to you and hear all of your rambling chances are I will loose all interest and stop listening, as I have a very short attention span towards anything that comes out of your mouth.



#7 I would take you to lunch but refer back to line 1 when I have informed you that I am spending every penny I have trying to give you the gift of life. Stop being so greedy!



#8 I like jello



#9 Wash MY car. Why does it always have to be about you.



#10 If I don't walk my own dog why would I walk yours. But feel free to come pick up my Molly any day of the week as she would love for you to come take her for a walk. And while your here feel free to say Hi. I really value our "Quality Time"



#11 DVD Maid of Honor, Throw momma from the train ... Any movie to do with annoying mother in law's of just mothers in general.



#12 Burn the recipe to Frito pie no one likes it and I still have diarrhea just thinking about it.



#13 Stop giving me all of the crap that you are to much of a pack rat to throw away. No I do not want Patrick's crib from the 80's as I am sure by now it is very unsafe. I am paying to much to have a baby to put it into a death trap. Also I do not want all of your outdated baby books from the 70's and 80's if the book says the you can put the baby in a hamper or box instead of a crib it is very outdated and should be immediately throw in the trash. That goes for all of the baby name books that only give biblical names. If you do not quit with the bible BS I will be naming your future grandson either Shmuley, Hyam or Asher And your granddaughter Vita, Shoshanah or Rivka do not test me!

My MIL Christmas list of guilt

Yesterday Patrick and I went to visit my mother in law, and to watch a football game with her and her husband. While there we got on the subject of Christmas lists. Every year my MIL asks us for a list and then turns around and gives us a guilt trip about how money is tight. So we never give her a list and always tell her to get us what she thinks we could use within her budget. The annoying part of that is that it is total bull crap and we know that money is never tight it is just them that are the tight wads, and don't like to spend money. Anyway while we were there my MIL pulls out her Christmas list and hands one to us and one to my BIL. I take a quick glance at it and roll my eyes at the things she has put on her list. On the way home I read the list to Patrick and just can not believe what I am reading.
Here is her list exactly as written on the paper she gave us. My comments are in red.
#1 DVD's Kung Fu Panda or Fly Wheel (from the christian book store)
#2 The relaxation CD from Target
#3 Write in on your calender EACH MONTH things like: call Mom once this month, go see Mom once this month, tell Mom a joke, ask Mom about her childhood, grandparents, what she wanted to be when she grew up OR tell her one of these things about yourself!
This is so stupid to me because Patrick talks to her at least once a week when she calls to give us one of her poor me calls. As far as seeing her once a month every time we try to do something with her she either has a headache or her back hurts. And as far as asking about her childhood and what not, I made it a point back when I was pregnant to go and pick her up a grandparents book to fill out all about her and her life. And I sat down and had a long talk about how important it was to me that she fill the book out because I wanted to make sure I had it to pass down to my kids so they would know about there grandmother if god forbid anything ever happened to her.
#4 Go to Church with us 2-3 times this year. I'm not asking for the moon.... yet!
Now my problem with this one is that I am Jewish, not strict practicing but still. My family is jewish some more religious then others and my family would never ask him to set foot in a temple. And would not even bring it up for the simple purpose of not wanting to put him in a bad position. It's not like my MIL does not know I am Jewish so why she would ask that of us/me just makes me mad.
#5 Start a "game night" with the family once a month or two. Games could include board games, cards, some outdoor things.... Remember, I'm old!
Now I would be totally for this but again every time we try to do something with her we get the I have a headache my back hurts lecture.
#6 Pick a verse/chapter in the Bible you might like to know more about or just discuss with is once in a while.
I have never read the bible and I have no intention of it. I've read the Torah but something tells me she hasn't! The fact that she would even ask that of me is just disrespectful.
#7 Do some volunteer work together...Ask about Andre in Steve's class!
I would do volunteer work and have many times. Heck I use to work with an animal rescue and housed half the pound in my old home.
#8 Write me a poem, storey, letter about anything you want .... wishes, wants, dreams, regrets, favorites, dislikes, fears, top 10 things you love about yourself!
#9 Steve (Step FIL) loves almonds & praline pecans. I would love a pair of OU earrings, especially football. I know, I know, more earrings! But I need some for all my OU shirts!!!!!
#10 Wash my car for me!
Ahhhhh your kids are not 5 years old anymore wash your own car! Or I can hire someone to do it for you.
#11 Help put up some of the Christmas decorations, or get them out of the garage!
Again noooooo we have our own decorations to put up, but I will hire someone to put them up for you. Decorating one house is enough for me!
#12 Cookie Exchange! Each of us makes one kid of cookie, enough for everyone else to take 6 or 12 of each. If 6 of us make one kind of cookie, we end up with 3 to 6 dozen cookies, 6 different types! This takes lots of planning ahead!
Now I am a lover of baking but I am not a lover of eating food from other peoples homes that I do not know. Call me paranoid but I just can't eat something from someones home I have never been to. People are dirty and well that's all I have to say about that!
#13 Make Max and Molly for a walk
I am not driving 45 minutes to your house to take your dog's for a walk. That is just ridiculous to ask for.
#14 CD by The Tractors from Oklahoma their Christmas CD. It's been out a long time. I have the tape and have just worn it out.
#15 Invite me to lunch sometime. I'll be on my best behavior and try not to embarrass you. I'll even pay my own way!
Again refer back to the headache, back ache BS from #'s 5 & 3. We have tried to do this many of times but always get the same excuse.
#16 A 5x7 or 3x5 picture of you! It doesn't have to be fancy, formal or framed. Just fun!
I'll get right on that so that you can add it to the pile of pictures that you have of us and do nothing with. Last year she wanted us to take a family photo that we footed the bill for, and when she got the pic's she did not like how she looked in them so she threw them away. We never even got to see them.
#17 Speaking of pictures .... Patrick, I need my pictures back! I want all of you to go through the pictures with me to quickly pick out pictures you would want in a scrap book..... I may try me hand as scrap booking. If I'm not good at it, at least I'll know which pictures I'll need to duplicate for you! I can get started on that!
I can not believe she is asking for the boxed of Patrick's childhood pictures that she made us come pick up one day when she was on a cleaning mission to get rid of everything. As I remember it was come get them or they are going in the trash. And now she wants them back. AHHHHHH NO!
#18 I missed out on so much of your lives when you were little. Now that you are grown and on your own, you are making your own life. Again, I am not much of a part of your life. I miss you and love you so very much but as times, I feel like I hardly know you anymore. It's been 10 years since my mom died and even though we were very close, I still think of things I wished I had asked or said to her, my daddy, too. Please, help me find common ground with you so we can make memories together that you will cherish and want to share with your kids and grand kids long after I am gone.
Now while this makes me feel horrible that she feels this way I think this family us included could benefit from alittle therapy. There is obviously something deeper going on that is causing her to give us this Christmas list of guilt.
#19 Spa towels from JC Penney sage green with the squares or checker board look, bath size, one or two if you get them on sale.
How random to throw this in after that big fat guilt trip. It's just fing this odd.


Now don't get me wrong I love my mother in law but I just have no clue what is going through her head. This is just not a Christmas list and all it has done is make me very mad. Stay tuned for my Christmas list response ....

9 days down only 6 days left ....

And then bye bye BCP! I can not I repeat can not wait to be off this stupid BCP. I have laid out the welcome mat for AF and hopefully she will be here between the 14th and 16th of November. I'm really feeling good about this next cycle. My meds are here and waiting, so that takes away from the last minute call to the pharmacy worried if I ordered on time for overnight delivery or not. And I am starting to get used to all of my new meds. The Metanx made me very nauseated for the first few days and now nothing. So now my daily regimen is Metanx, BCP, Levothyroxine, Baby Aspirin and my prenatal vitamins. It seems like alot but it is really not that bad. I have the alarm set on my phone to remind me to take my pills by 10 P.M. although I take my thyroid pills right when I get up. I am finally getting in to groove of things and it feels great. As soon as I get the all clear I will be adding my follistim injections to my daily regimen. And I have high hopes that I will have a successful BFP soon. I don't know what it is about today whether it's that it's Friday of that I woke up on the right side of the bed but something feels right about today.

My plan for tonight, I'm cooking dinner so when Patrick gets home he will be pleasantly surprised. Not that I don't cook but usually I am at work until the same time as him so I don't start cooking until we both get home. Plus with all of my free time from being home today I cleaned house and pulled all of our winter clothing out of the garage to clean and hang up. So if all goes as planned we will have dinner then go to a movie. Whatever we do I just look forward to spending alittle quality time together and not thinking or talking about babies or baby making. I'm gonna break open a bottle of wine and enjoy the BCP while I am on it. So here is to a good night and hopefully a great weekend!

5 days of BCP down 8 more to go

AF was a monster this month. At one point I thought I was going to bleed to death. But thanks to the Dr in the ER everything is going to be ok.
Today is CD 7 day 5 of BCP and while I am not thrilled to be on the pill, I am thrilled that the time is passing so fast. I am ready to move on to IUI#2 and hopefully have a little Thanksgiving turkey cooking for the next 9 months. I am so scared that I am going to get a BFN and have 2008 be a total failure. I know it's odd to be scared of a BFN especially since we have not even started our cycle. But I keep thinking that we had beginners luck with IUI#1. Patrick and I have had a long talk in preparation for if we do get a BFP. We read up on Lovenox and have decided that with all of the things that we have to do just to get pregnant and all that we will have to do to maintain that pregnancy we are only going to do this to ourselves one time. Meaning if we only get one baby out if this cycle then we stop at that one baby. I have always had dreams of having two kids but I am ok with knowing that might not be an option for us.

TTC has definitely been a roller coaster ride for us. I feel truly blessed that my marriage has been strong enough to survive all of the stress I've thrown at it. I really feel it has brought us closer. We have a new found love and respect for one another. Patrick has seen me at my worst. Through times that I have been so hormonal from clomid, follistim, stress (and the list goes on) times when I was so nasty to him for no good reason other then just feeling like I failed him. He has always stood by me and been there to pick up the pieces. I never imagined I would love him more today then I did 2 years ago when we got married. He truly is the love of my life and I want nothing more then to make him a daddy.

The holidays are upon us as is my birthday. If I get nothing but a BFP for my B-day and Christmas I would be 100% ok with that. If I fail I'm putting follistim on my list of things I want for my B-day and Christmas. I wounder if my family would think I was crazy for asking for that... Hmmmmmm. This year has absolutely flown by and I would say that time flies when your having fun but there was nothing good that came out of 2008. For all of my ivillage girls and anyone else that reads my blogs, I hope that 2009 brings us BFP's, sticky beans and happy and healthy little ones.

Anyway, I have done enough rambling for one night so I am going to get my butt to bed.

Molly Pig

Molly Dressed up for Halloween like a pig this year. She looked so cute I just had to share some pictures of her

I HATE TTC

I really do! Whenever I think things are going my way someone has to smack me back into reality. AF finally came after 41 long days she finally showed yesterday. I was so excited I called and ordered my injections not thinking that anything could go wrong. And sure enough everything always does! I go to see my RE today because tomorrow she is closed for Nevada day. Now understand I love Nevada (well not really but I like it alot) I have lived in this state for 15 years and well this is home. But on Nevada day everything is closed and it always falls on Halloween. Anyway so I am usually suppose to see my RE on CD 3 for my 3 day ultrasound so that I can start injections. But as it is Nevada Day on Friday her office is closed. Fing great! So I call yesterday to schedule my appointment, and no one could get back to me until 7:30 this morning to tell me when I could come in. Fine! But my entire morning was being planned around the arrival of my injections. So I tell the girl I will have to call as soon as my package arrives as the meds need to be refrigerated and if I am not here to sign for it Fed Ex won't leave it. At 11:30 my package arrives, I call my RE's office to schedule when I can come in and I am put on the books for 1:45. So far so good. They do my ultrasound and I get the all clear no cysts yeahhhhh. Then my RE turns to me and says well your going to start BCP on CD 3. WTF... I ask why and she informs me she is going out of town and will not be here to monitor the growth of the follicles. My heart sinks, I dress and go to meet her at the nurses station to pick up my BCP and go over the "IUI flow sheet". Then she drops another bomb on me. She received the rest of my genetic test results and there not good. I blank out and do not hear another word she says to me. It was almost like I was lost in thought. I look at her and say ok like I am listening to every word she says, but in truth I heard nothing. She hands me a prescription for Metanx and tells me to start taking it right away as well as baby aspirin. And that as soon as I get my next BFP she is placing me on daily injections of Lovenox. I stand there in disbelief. Why me, how come I can never catch a break.

So my cycle will now go as follows, since my lining was very thick my RE feels like today is CD 1. On CD 3 I will start BCP and on 11/14/08 I will stop my BCP. On 11/17/18 I go in for a baseline ultrasound and blood test and on CD 3 I will start 150IU of follistim. Return on 11/20/08 for my next ultrasound and blood test and again on 11/24/08. My trigger date and IUI to follow. I just can't believe that after 2 years and 4 month of TTC that I am going on BCP. This feels like the end of the world to me.

Update

So I got a call back from the nurse at my RE's office last night and this is what she told me. The thing about the BCP was a mess up but my RE decided after I left her office that she would rather me move my dose up to 150IU's for 10 days instead of 100IU's for 9 days. I asked her what if I responded to well to it what would happen and she said that they would either move me down a dose or my RE would cancel the cycle. I reminded the nurse that my insurance does not cover the medication and that I was going to be paying close to 2k out of pocket. And that I was in no position to be waisting money on extra follistim or a cycle that ends in getting canceled. She quickly put me on hold and when she returned she told me that my RE is going to leave it up to me I can either have them deliver all 5 cartridges and do the 150 IU's or I could have them deliver 3 cartridges and I would take only the 100IU's. That conversation aggravated the crap out of me. So last night I talked to Patrick about it and he told me to do whatever I wanted to. I just don't know what the heck to do now.
On top of all of that headache lets talk about the amazing disappearing AF. I Started spotting yesterday the cramps were SO bad I thought for sure that it was going to be full force, to the point where I was in the bathroom checking every five minutes. By the end of the night AF had disappeared and I was left with super achy cramps. All night I tossed and turned afraid that she was going to show with a vengeance. I finally fell asleep only to be woken up at 3 a.m. I coughed so hard in my sleep somehow I made myself throw up. I woke up just in time to close my mouth and run to the bathroom. After tossing my cookies I tried to lay back down and fall asleep but that never happened. I just laid there for the rest of the night trying to figure out what to do. I have had some brown spotting off and on but honestly not even enough to even call it spotting. I feel like I'm on my period yet there is no blood. So I called my RE's office again this afternoon to cancel my day 3 ultrasound and informed the nurse that AF has decided not to come after all. This at least buys me some time to figure out what I want to do about the injections. I just don't know what to do I don't want to make the wrong decision.

Stuck on stupid

I wake up this morning and feel the cramps. My immediate reaction is to run to the bathroom and check for AF sure enough I started spotting. I don't believe I had ever been so excited to see AF in my life. I run into the bedroom jump on Patrick and yell ... Bring on the twins! He looks at me like I have two heads and all he can do is laugh. Not 5 minutes later I get a call from Schrafts, that they received my prescription from my RE yesterday and want to know when I need it by. I inform the rep that I need it by Thursday and when she tells me how much I owe my heart about stops. It is double what I was expecting. Holy S&%t is all I could say. I made the rep go over everything my RE has ordered for me and she proceeds to tell me 1 HCG, 2 needles, 1 20 count box of progesterone gel & 5 300IU cartridges of follistim. I quickly stop her in her tracks. What the F do I need 5 300 IU's of follistim for? The month of my BFP I had only been on 900 IU's 75 IU's a day for 12 days this month I was suppose to do 9 days of 100 IU's so again only 900 IU's for the cycle just a higher daily dose. I even watched my RE wright 100 IU's daily for 9 days on her paper work. So what would I possibly need the additional 600 IU's for. Something had to be wrong. So I told the representative that I had to call my RE and call her back just to verify because something was wrong. I call over and leave a message for a nurse or my Dr to call me back. About 30 minutes later I get a call from the nurse who proceeds to tell me that my RE wants me to do 150 IU's daily. I explain that when I was in just yesterday I was told we were only going to do 100 IU's daily. The next thing the nurse said to me caught me so off guard she said will lets put the order on hold since you aren't going to need it for a while anyway. Huh I replied I'm getting my period today what are you talking about. Well you should be starting birth control this week then. I started getting angry what the heck are you talking about I am starting my follistim this week for my IUI. I'm not going on birth control. Are you even looking at the right file? At that point I was told my RE would have to call me back since there is obviously some mess up. How the F can things get so messed up so fast. I'm stuck and now here I sit staring at the phone hoping that someone will get back to me before the end of the day. Someone that hopefully knows whats going on and someone that can steer me in the right direction. All I want are my drugs! Why do I feel like I am constantly being held back. Can nothing ever go the way it is suppose to for me. Uggggghhhhhhhh I give the F up!

I'm A ok =)

So I went to my RE today for the results from all of my blood work. All of the genetic tests came back negative and my thyroid is finally regulated. Yeah!!!! I have a sneaking suspicion that my thyroid was the reason behind my miscarriage, but I'm relieved to know that it is finally back on track. So now I wait for AF. I'm currently on CD33 13DPO I am going to wait until Friday if AF doesn't show by then, I intend on testing. But knowing that the miscarriage will cause AF to be late I am in no rush to see a BFN. If I get a BFN and AF is not here in the next 3 weeks my RE is going to intervene. Although I hate the idea of possibly having to wait that long I'm gonna do as told (not like I have much choice). Ahhhhh I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Things are looking up, finally!

If I can't have my own, I'll take this one!

I took my nephew to a local pumpkin patch today just so I could take some cute pictures of him in his little monkey Halloween costume. Reece loved checking out the pumpkins until we put him down to take some pictures. He hated, I repeat HATED the hay. We got some cute ones though so I thought I would share.

PS- Pictures of my fur baby Molly in her pig costume will be up as soon as I take some =) (I know I'm evil but she is just to cute)

What would you do???

The company that Patrick works for is being bought out by a big fortune 500 company, with over 6 thousand employees. That's great news for us because we were informed that once the deal is complete our insurance will be amazing as will be the employee benefits (sick/vacation days ...etc) Currently an IUI cycle through our current insurance company costs us $180 in co pays for the insemination alone plus an additional 1k for all of the medications. If it were only a one time thing it would not be such a big deal but now that we are going to be trying for our 2nd IUI it's starting to get pricey. Also now that my RE and I have decided on upping my meds as to produce more eggs I know we are looking at an additional $300 minimally. If the insurance through the new company is as good as everyone has been telling us, we could be looking at paying nothing for our medications. So here is my dilemma, today is CD 26 and I am 6 DPO I have a pretty good feeling that this is not going to be our month. With AF's impending arrival I need to make a decision fast. So I need to know what would you do, wait it out for the new insurance or go for it and fork out the $1,500?

Just do me!!!!!!!!!!

So I'm laying in bed last night watching TV when I feel cramps on my left side. Having felt ovulation cramps before I knew what was happening. Patrick was already fast asleep and I knew I had to make a move fast or miss out on this month completely. So I rolled over towards him snuggled into his chest and said .... do me! I know not subtle at all but as I have said before I am a woman on a mission. Patrick opened his eyes and said to me ..... Are you f*%$ kidding me! Not the reaction I was hoping for. I again said come on Patrick just do me and jokingly jumped on him. I guess I must of caught him off guard because he was hysterical laughing at me. When he caught his breath he asked me one last time to wait it out till next month. I looked him square in the face and said No, I can't do that being as honest as possible. I explained that at this point I need something to look forward to and at this point I have nothing. I think he realized that I was getting desperate so he appeased me and did as I asked. Afterwards I started feeling cramps on my right side so I am almost 100% sure that I atleast ovulated from one of my ovaries if not both. If I catch the egg(s) great if not I'm ok with that as well. I just need to trick my mind into a false sense of hope.

I got denied!

I tried to put the moves on Patrick last night and he shot me down. I never thought the day would come where I would throw myself on my husband and he would say ... No! I know he really wants me to wait till our next cycle. He is worried about having enough time for my body to heal. And doesn't really care that our RE said we can go for it. So I guess I will try to put the moves on him afew more times and if that doesn't work then I will just wait for my next IUI. Oh well!

RE Says go for it .... Yeah!

I had my follow up appointment with my RE today and it went really well. Everything from my miscarriage is out. And I have in fact had a period since the D&C. My uterine lining is building back up and I have two good eggs this month. One on my left side measuring in at 22.4 and one on my right side measuring at a 22 so I was told if I wanted to I have the green light to try the old fashion way and see if we get lucky on our own. The funny thing is I thought I ovulated yesterday but I guess I was wrong. Patrick thinks we should still wait it out until the next cycle but I think when he gets home tonight I'm going to jump his bones! I know he is still sick and all but I'm a woman on a mission.

I had a really great 30 minute conversation with Dr L (my RE) and we talked about how we want to proceed for the next IUI cycle. We talked about upping my meds and she agreed that it is a numbers game. So we are going to try for more eggs. I told her I am ok with multiples in fact I welcome it, as I never want to go through this ever again! So with that in mind I am now mentally prepared for AF to show. Unless by some miracle I end up catching one or both of the eggs this month. I like having a plan. It gives me something to look forward to. I have been in and out of this depression lately and I feel that a big reason why I feel this way is because I have nothing to look forward to. While Dr L and I were talking about the next cycle I couldn't help my eyes from tearing up. At one point I was singing don't worry be happy in my head just to stop myself from crying. I am tired of feeling like a mess, and I'm ready for happier days.