Insult to injury

Wednesday is Patrick's bowling night. His boss, a fellow co worker and my step father all bowl together on a league. Since the bowling alley is in a casino my mother and I tag along and go out to eat and catch up with one another. So on Wednesday we did our usual and meet at the bowling alley to decide where we wanted to go. When we arrived at our destination we got to talking about my cousin that lives in Australia. And how he was out in NY visiting his mother (my aunt). My mother informed me that he and my other cousin were in route to Florida to visit out grandmother and how it would have been nice if my sister and I would have gone and meet up with them. The hormones must have gotten to me because I immediately chewed my mothers head off saying that if I would have known there plan I would have gone. It really ticked me off. How the heck was I to know that they were going to travel out to Florida. What am I psychic??? My mother realized that she struck a nerve and immediately changed the subject. But not thinking about what she was saying she proceeded to tell me that my cousin that just had a baby in May is trying to get pregnant again. I excused myself from the table and went to the bathroom to cry. I know that her comment would have bothered me regardless but the hormones make it 50 million times worse. I have been on such a hormonal roller coaster these past few days. I just don't know how I'm going to handle the holidays being this big of a train wreck. I know that most people don't even realize they are saying anything hurtful. My mother had no clue that what she was telling me would hurt me. But what people don't seem to understand is that I have been at this for so long everything baby related hurts. I just need to find the strength to make it through the holidays. After that I can crawl back into my hiding spot and hope that everyone just leaved me be.