My Christmas list for my MIL

Patrick's response to his mothers Christmas list was just to shake his head in disbelief. He said he is going to have a talk with her about it but I have a feeling he won't. So here is my Christmas list back to her. I would never send it because it is way to mean, but it felt good venting!



#1. Fertility treatment is very expensive and while my mother has contributed to the cause you haven't! I did not want to make you feel left out or have you feel that this is more of her grandchild then yours, since she has helped pay for it. So with that being said checks can be made to Dr L w/ RRF. Or you can get me a gift certificate to Schrafts Pharmacy. One cycle of medication runs close too $2,000 not including what I have to pay to the Dr.



#2. Book swap. I will read the Bible but at the same time feel that it is imperative that you read the Torah. Have your priest call my rabbi and we can make the swap.



#3 I would not be opposed to going to Church but I feel that it should be again a fair swap. So I will go to midnight mass and expect to see you at temple all 8 nights of Hanukkah.



#4 Cookie Exchange! I am all for this but remember we are embracing our new traditions and with that I feel all cookies should be kosher.



#5 I feel that there are some issues that you are trying to work on in your Christmas list but for some reason are unable to come right out and let us know what is going on. I feel it might be in the family's best interest to seek therapy to find out what is making you feel unloved and unappreciated. It is not a competition between my family and yours. I know sometimes you feel like you are the last to know and my family is always the first to know. But if it makes you feel any better I like you more then I like my own father! And he will always be the last to know anything.



#6 I have given you a book to write all about yourself in. I know how hard it must be for you to ramble on and on when you have to write down all of your thoughts. But the purpose of that is so that I can turn the page when I get board. If I have to talk to you and hear all of your rambling chances are I will loose all interest and stop listening, as I have a very short attention span towards anything that comes out of your mouth.



#7 I would take you to lunch but refer back to line 1 when I have informed you that I am spending every penny I have trying to give you the gift of life. Stop being so greedy!



#8 I like jello



#9 Wash MY car. Why does it always have to be about you.



#10 If I don't walk my own dog why would I walk yours. But feel free to come pick up my Molly any day of the week as she would love for you to come take her for a walk. And while your here feel free to say Hi. I really value our "Quality Time"



#11 DVD Maid of Honor, Throw momma from the train ... Any movie to do with annoying mother in law's of just mothers in general.



#12 Burn the recipe to Frito pie no one likes it and I still have diarrhea just thinking about it.



#13 Stop giving me all of the crap that you are to much of a pack rat to throw away. No I do not want Patrick's crib from the 80's as I am sure by now it is very unsafe. I am paying to much to have a baby to put it into a death trap. Also I do not want all of your outdated baby books from the 70's and 80's if the book says the you can put the baby in a hamper or box instead of a crib it is very outdated and should be immediately throw in the trash. That goes for all of the baby name books that only give biblical names. If you do not quit with the bible BS I will be naming your future grandson either Shmuley, Hyam or Asher And your granddaughter Vita, Shoshanah or Rivka do not test me!