I don't ask for much. I consider myself to be a pretty good wife. I don't complain when my husband waists an entire weekend drinking beer and watching sports. I don't bitch that every Wednesday after working all day that I have to go with my husband to his bowling league and hang out while he bullshits around with his friends and has a good time. I don't even complain when they decide to bowl a few "practice rounds" after and we end up out until after 11 pm when I have to wake up for work early in the morning the following day. All I ask is that the week of my insemination that he cut out alcohol and energy drinks. Now I understand that it is Thanksgiving tomorrow and he will be watching football and wanting a beer. But I don't feel like I am asking for the world just one week. I am so very sick and tired of being the only one that has to make sacrifices. Since we have been TTC I have cut out caffeine completely, taking daily vitamins not including some of the medications I was on before TTC and the ones that I have started taking since TTC, I have been poked and prodded I have had more people dig around in my crotch then any woman should have to endure. I have had HSG's, SIS's, D&C's, constant blood work and ultrasounds, hormones of disaster, I have had to take Clomid and stick needles in my body to the point where my thigh looks like a pin cushion. I have had to plan my life around shooting up. I have not had a drink in god only knows how long and all this jerk has to do is hump a plastic cup. It's fing bulls*%$. And the fact that he acts like I'm a jerk for asking him not to drink this week just blows my mind. Am I crazy for asking this? Am I making a bigger deal out of this then it needs to be? And why when I explain that I do not want the alcohol to affect his count on Saturday he says to me, Amy the Dr said I was a rock star last time I do not think a few beers this time is going to make much of a difference. Besides did I get mad at you back in July when we waisted all of that money and lost the baby because of you. I hung up the phone on him and have been avoiding his calls ever since. I'm speechless, there is nothing he could say to make that comment ok with me. And now I know how he truly feels. That it's all my fault. It's bad enough that I have been feeling like it is my fault but to have him come right out and say it just hurts.
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7 comments:
Woah!
Send me your address so that I can come over and deliver a swift kick to your husband's balls immediately!
What a SOB! [{{HUGS}}} That's a horrible thing to say. I'm so sorry honey. No, you aren't asking too much. I wanted my X-H to do the same thing and he acted like I'd asked him to give me his left nut. How juvenile! It's BEER! GET OVER IT!
I wouldn't be talking to him either! What really pisses me off is the fact that WE are the ones who put our bodies through the wringer and 90% of the time, all the men have to do is "hump a cup" and show up for some bloodwork. I think if they had someone jamming stuff up their junk, sticking needles into their bodies, constantly taking their blood and dignity they'd certainly give up alcohol in a heartbeat because they wouldn't want to risk screwing up their "cycle"... They'd realize that "Gee, if I screw this up, I'm going to have to go through this ALL OVER AGAIN!"
He's being SELFISH!
I say, kick him in the balls.
And his comment... deserves a second kick!
I'll hold him down while Ophelia kicks his ass. Then switch places with her. I get that Infertility and ttc is hard on both people but your dh crossed over the line and said some things that can never be taken back and never be made right.
Your dh needs to grow the hell up. No you aren't asking too much and NO it was not your fault that you lost that baby. Bad things just happen. I'm so sorry Amy.
Big hug.
I just read this to my dh and he shook his head and asked how old your dh was. He said, if your dh can't give up beer for one week then he needs his asked kicked to set his priorities straight.
Is there a close male family friend that can talk some sense into him? If not, maybe your RE needs to have a one on one chat with him.
Rick can't believe he said what he did about it being your fault you lost the baby and wondered if he'd been drinking when he said it.
So even from another male's perspective your DH is way out of line behaving like a kid having his toy taken away and in need of an ass kicking.
Thanks girls, At this point I am still not speaking to him. There is really no way to make what he said any better. I took my trigger shot tonight but at this point I am just not sure that I want to go through with Saturdays IUI at least not until he apologizes. I just never thought I would be in this place of uncertainty. I don't know if the stress of TTC has gotten the best of him or if he is really just this big of a jerk and I have been blind to it for the past 5 1/2 years. Alcohol has caused some major issues in our marriage, and I thought that we were past that. But I guess not! He convinces me he is ready to grow up and then afew months later snaps back into the same old habits. I know he is a good man but I also know he does not like being told what to do. I just thought that we were on the same page. It's not like I am the only one that wants a baby so why do I have to be the only one to make sacrifices. I have put my body through hell and he cant even cut out beer for one week. It just kills me how selfish he is.
Chele I am going to take your advice and see if my step father will have a talk with him. I also intend on finding some articles on Alcohol and the effects on sperm. If all else fails and he continues being an ass I am going to cancel my appointment on saturday. My first IUI was very painful because I have a tilted cervix and they had to use forceps to straighten it out. I am not going to put myself through that pain for someone that can not even stay away from alcohol for a week. And by the way he was at work when he made that comment to me so he was sober and that makes that comment all the more worse. At least if he were drunk he could use that as an excuse.
I'm sorry Amy. I thought about you on and off all day yesterday. I hope you or someone else can straighten him and his priorities out. I want the best for you no matter what it is. Big hug.
Oh Amy! I am so sorry. I think that the husbands have a really hard time understanding EXACTLY what we go thru. In fact, I think it is hard for them to even understand 10%. My mom told me that if it were for men having to bear children, the world would come to an end. And I do truly believe that! :)
I do not think that you are being rash. We sacrifice so much - our bodies, poking and proding, constant needlesticks, counting the days, stopping all bad habits, and etc. They do very little, or at least have to do very little. In fact, I tell everyone that they have the fun and we go thru all the constant monitoring and etc. Then we get to go thru that 9 months of changes, them complaining about a little mood here and there. Then we have the pain of giving childbirth so they can also have a family. And then, the child ALWAYS looks like their father ... how is that?!?!? :)
I wish you the best of luck, keep your head up. Tell him to get his head out of his ass. He better start making sacrifices now because when your miracle comes, he is going to have to make many, many more sacrifices. He is just being an ass - they tend to do that from time to time! Good luck and whip him into shape. We have way more sacrifices than they EVER will!!!!
Amber
I just wanted to send you love..I am sorry your husband is suffering from asscitis..it is a disease my husband also suffers from. He is mine for better or worse, in sickness and in health and his asscitis is so severe sometimes I fear it is terminal. BTW I am also hypothyroid so there is another thing we share in common. Sending hugs and some fertily magic fairy dust your way. I have a fertility quilt, doctors be damned, that thing is a sure bet!!
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