In love with my RE

I was sitting here tonight over analyzing every little twinge I felt and wondering if it was IPS or RPS. In the midst of letting my mind wonder an e-mail popped up that put a big smile on my face. It was from my RE and here is what it said:

Hi Amy,I was just thinking about you and wondering how you are doing... I know the insemination experience wasn't the best for you and I promise that if we have to do it again, which hopefully we won't, I will give you some medicine to help you relax more... believe me, I put speculum's in people all day long but I dread having it done to myself... you wouldn't believe the WUSS that I am so I understand your anxiety about the procedure. I just want you to be as comfortable as possible so that hopefully we will have a good outcome. You are such a sweet and wonderful patient and I can't wait to put a permanent smile on your face by telling you a pregnancy test is positive!!! I know these next couple of days seem very long but take it easy and hang in there... not everybody gets it the first time around but persistence pays off in the end... Take Care and if you have any questions while you are waiting for the pregnancy test please let me know...Sincerely,Eva Littman, M.D.


Ahhhhh I love my Dr. The fact that at 9 p.m. she was sitting there wondering how I was doing made me feel so good. I am glad that I found such a great Dr that cares about me enough to just check in and put a smile on my face. For the first time in a long time I am ok with not getting a BFP this cycle. Knowing I have a Dr that cares about me and shares the same goal I have (getting me pregnant) is a great feeling. Hopefully my first IUI will work but if it doesn't I am ok with it, I am looking forward to a short stay and a long friendship with my RE.

Ughhhh some people ...

A while back I wrote about a friend of mine who informed me via e-mail on myspace that she was pregnant with number 4. (refer back to my post on June 16 2008 labeled when people just don't get it) At the time Kristy "accidentally" deleted me from her myspace and I was happy because all of her pregnancy posts and updates were getting to me. Two days after she deleted me she sent me an e-mail saying it was an accident and re requesting me as a friend. I don't know whey I added her back to my friends list but I did. And since that day it has been the same headache it was to begin with. I had to learn fast how to avoid and ignore all of the dumb updates. Don't get me wrong but I just can not be happy for someone that is such a jerk. Well today she posted a quote that has been haunting me ever since I read it. It said "Maybe if we all Believed in God alittle more, things would work out for all of us" now I know that it was not directed towards me or at least I hope it wasn't. But it just really pissed me off. Now don't get me wrong I do believe in god I am just not overly religious. This comment for some reason really offended me. I just can not believe someone would make a comment like that. Some people need to learn how to think before they speak or type.

1 DPO and time is already going by way to slow ... this is going to be a long 2ww

So I am 1 DPO, I feel like it's been a week already. Ahhh the next two weeks are going to creep by. I got a call from my RE's office today that my TSH is not improving as much as they would like it to. I want from a 10.3 to an 8.55 just my luck that I filled my prescription on Saturday and now she is calling me in a new dose. What a waist of money that was! Other that all that headache I have had some dull achy cramps on and off all day today. I know I am only 1DPO so more then likely it is nothing. But it is always nice to dream, right? So for now we wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and well you get the picture...


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IUI #1 .... complete.

Today has had many highs and lows. I went with Patrick to his appointment, that went extremely well. Pat's count was 110 million with 80% motility pre-wash. Post wash we ended up with 45 million swimmers to inseminate with. Yeah! Everyone in the office was telling DH he was a rock star and you could tell it was a big boost to his ego. We left while the embryologist was doing her thing and went to my mom's to hang out (since she only live 5 minutes from the RE office) As we were driving it hit me sh&% it's my turn next. Panic started to set in and for the 2 hours we were waiting to go back I could feel the anxiety building up. We headed back to the office after a mini pep talk from my mom. But it did not help I was still soooooooooooooooooooo nervous. I think for the 10-15 minute we were waiting that was all I said to anyone that said hi to me. It was bad! We got back to the room and I could feel my heart racing. My Dr walked in and asked if I was ok, and I quickly replied NO! She asked why I was so nervous and I told her I was scared that it was going to hurt as bad as the HSG. She tried to tell me it would not even be half as bad but I did not listen to her. Well as I laid there and she inserted that speculum I started to have a panic attack. Patrick held my hand and tried to have a random conversation with me to get my mind off of everything that was going on, but it didn't help. Then I heard what I just did not want to hear, they needed to dilate my cervix I knew that was going to be more pain. But I tried my hardest to control my nerves. Then the Dr had to use forceps to help straighten my cervix. I wanted to ask why but the pain was so bad I was grinding my teeth and could not open my mouth to ask any questions. When all was complete I had to lay there with the speculum in for an extra 3 minutes or so as I had started bleeding slightly. After everything was complete I laid in the room for an additional 10 minutes. My Dr and I had a long conversation as I laid there about what our plan is if this cycle is a bust and I have to try again next month. We agreed that valiume would be best although I would prefer her to just knock me out. I really really really hope that I never have to go through that again.
After we were done Patrick and I decided to go for lunch and to watch a movie. I was still really crampy but I needed to get out and move around for a little while. As we sat down in the theater I started to feel ovulation pain. Although I feel them ever month having it happen that close to my IUI it really made me feel like we had great timing. My O cramps lasted a good 5 hours as they normally due . I still have some achy cramps in my girl parts but nothing I can't tolerate. After the movie we came home and have been hanging out and relaxing since. I am so glad that my first IUI cycle is over. Now comes the dreaded 2 week wait. I go in for my first beta test on 8/8/08 as long as AF does not show. I am hoping that, that will be a lucky day for us. On Wednesday I start my progesterone, compared to everything I have gone through that should be a walk in the park.

Tomorrow is the big day

Well tomorrow at 8 a.m. Patrick has a date with a cup and 2 hours after that I have a date with a speculum, a catheter and some sperm. I am so so so scared that it is going to hurt. And I know there is no was in hell that I am going to get any sleep tonight. I have such a fear for the unknown. And although my RE said it is not going to be that bad, I just know she is full of shit. She said the same thing to me before my HSG and that was THE MOST uncomfortable thing I have ever had to go through in my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I asked Patrick to come in the room with me and hold my hand while the Dr is doing her thing. He really has been amazing throughout this entire mess. Deep down I really believe that this TTC/infertility nightmare has brought us closer together. I am really blessed to have such a wonderful husband.

Here we go ...

So I went today for another ultrasound and blood work and it looks like I have 1 18mm egg ready to go. All of the others are still to small. So with that being said I take my last follistim injection tonight and tomorrow at 11 p.m. I take my HCG shot followed by my IUI Sunday morning at 10 a.m. I am so excited to see how this month turns out. I have to say I am alittle disappointed that there was only one egg but I guess I will play the hand I am dealt. I have been keeping a chart of everything I have done so far this month and thought I would post it as it has all of my blood work results. Check it out ...

July Med Recorder Cycle #25 AF arrived 07/11/2008 Cycle Results:

Follistim CD 3 - CD 10 600 IU Plus an additional 300 IU added 7/22/2008
Monday 07/14/2008 CD 3 = 75 IU Right Leg
Tuesday 07/15/2008 CD 4 = 75 IU Right Leg
Wednesday 07/16/2008 CD 5 = 75 IU Right Leg
Thursday 07/17/2008 CD 6 = 75 IU Right Leg
Friday 07/18/2008 CD 7 = 75 IU Right Leg
Saturday 07/19/2008 CD 8 = 75 IU Right Leg
Sunday 07/20/2008 CD 9 = 75 IU Right Leg
Monday 07/21/2008 CD 10 = 75 IU Left Leg
Tuesday 07/22/2008 CD 11 = 100 IU Left Leg
Wednesday 07/23/2008 CD 12 = 100 IU Left Leg
Thursday 07/24/2008 CD 13 = 100 IU Left Leg

Total used: 900 IU

HCG Trigger: 7/25/2008 @ 11PM
Insemination (IUI): 7/27/2008 10AM
Progesterone:
Beta:


Dr Appointments:
Monday 07/14/2008 - Given the all clear to start 75 IU of follistim for 8 days. No cysts!
LH 2.8 Estradiol 59.0 Progesterone 0.48 FSH 11.9

Wednesday 07/16/2008 - 3 visable eggs 1=5mm 1=6mm and 1=8mm so far so good UL 7
LH 2.8 Estradiol 59.0 Progesterone 0.48 FSH 11.9

Monday 07/21/2008 - 1=12mm egg UL 11 Additional 300 IU follistim ordered
Estradiol 122.00

Thursday 07/24/2008 - 1=18mm egg UL 12.5

Sunday 07/27/2008 IUI 10AM

Rough Day

Today is CD 10 and my RE appointment did not go as well as I expected. The biggest follicle I had was 12mm she did not even bother telling me the size of the other two. My uterus lining was at an 11 so atleast that was good. She made me order another 300IU of follistim since she wants me to take it for an additional 4 days to see if it helps at all. I am feeling so defeated right now! I went in there expecting to hear that I had 3 good eggs, I'm just heart broken right now. On top of that the nurse insists on taking blood from the same arm every time I go in there. They have blown 2 of my vains in my right arm and she insists on fucking up the same arm. So now my right are is in so much pain and is so swollen. I am just agravated nothing is going the way I want it to. This cycle has now cost me an additional $260 and I just feel deep down that this is not going to be the month given the size of my eggs.

Ouch my ovaries!!!

So today is CD8 day 6 of injections. So far everything has been going well, with the exception that I feel and look like a human pin cushion. I have black and blue's on both of my arms and all down my right thigh. As far as side effects from the follistim, they really have not been to bad. I have had a few crying episodes, and some mild mood swings. The past two days I have had some mild cramping but nothing I am worried about. I do have to admit I am excited to see how everything turns out.

CD5

So today is cycle day 5. I had my fist appointment to check and see how many eggies were growing and so far so good. On my Right side I have 1 follicle measuring 5mm and on my left side I have 2. One measuring 6mm and the other measuring 8mm. So far so good. My uterus lining was looking good as well at a 6. Next Monday I have my next appointment I am so excited to see how everything progresses. I really hope this is the month. I guess we shall see!!!

Funny video

My husband stabbed me!

Ok well not like with a knife or anything but last night when it came time to take my injection I chickened out. If I had to give someone else a shot I would be ok, but the thought of inflicting pain on myself ... I just couldn't do it! So like the trooper he is Patrick stepped up to the plate and offered to do it for me. I turned my head and he counted to three and then he stabbed me, Hard! Now I know he had to stick me with the needle to get he job done but good god was it really necessary to take out all of his frustration on my poor thigh (that is my injection sight). He quickly counted to 10 and pulled the needle out and we laughed because of the indent it left on my leg from him pushing it in so hard. Ughhhhhh 7 more nights of this hopefully tonight he will not try to inflict pain on me.

It's about time ...

At about 12:30 p.m. I decided to drive over to my RE's office determined to find out why I was being avoided. I needed answers and I needed them now! And I was not going to let another month pass and have someone else take that chance of being a mother away from me. About 10 minutes into my 30 minute drive I received a call from a strange number I answered hesitantly and to my surprise it was the nurse from my RE's office calling to see if I could come in on Wednesday. I quickly replied NO ... I'm on cycle day 3 today and the Dr told me I was to start my injections today (in a pissy attitude). The nurse then asked well why did you not call us on cycle day one like you were suppose to? I quickly explain that I had been calling since day one but no one felt the need to call me back and that I had tried numerous times over the weekend and again this morning only to be greeted by the answering service. The nurse then asked if I could come in today for my ultrasound and instructions and when I informed her that I had already been on the way she seemed alittle in shock. I then explained I needed answers that the answering service just could not give me, so I figured I might as well take the chance and drive over to the office rather then wait and get worked up in the process. As I pulled up to the RE's office I was still alittle agitated but put on a happy face. I was greeted with numerous apologies from my Dr as well as the staff. And before I knew it I was being taken back for my ultrasound. First let me say there is nothing more nasty then having a vaginal ultrasound when you are on your period. And as the Dr poked prodded around I began to get nervous. How many cysts did we see on the last ultrasound she asked the nurse that was in the room assisting. One on the left and five on the right. As she pushed the wand in alittle harder I could not help but to yelp. Wow I have never seen anything like that the Dr said to the nurse. It looks like all six of your cyst are gone. I can not believe they cleared up that fast on there own. I wanted to jump from the table with excitement. I quickly dressed and regrouped with my Dr and the nurse to go over the next step. She again gave my the all clear that all of my cysts were now gone and told me that my uterus lining was at a 4. So everything looked good only thing left was to start taking 75iu of the follistim for the next 8 nights or until further instruction. I walked out of that office with the biggest smile on my face. For once in my life I finally feel like this could be the month. It is so nice to finally have alittle hope that this could and will happen.

Where the F*&% is my RE

Today is cycle day three the first day of my injections. I was told to call my RE on the first day of AF to schedule my day 2 ultrasound (pre-injections). So on Saturday when AF shows in full force I call the RE's office, sure enough for the first time I get the answering service. I'm stumped because I was told on weekends the phone is forwarded to one of the receptionists cell phones this way something like this does not happen. Well Fing great!!!!I leave a message with the answering service thinking I will get a call back that night. sure enough Saturday night no phone call. Sunday morning rolls around and I try to call again. Sure enough answering service, I proceed to leave yet another message but am fuming being I was suppose to have my ultra sound on day two. Obviously that was not going to happen. I give myself alittle pep talk to calm myself down and figure I will call first thing Monday morning bright and early as they open at 8 a.m. Well lets just say it is not 11:16 a.m. on Monday and there phones are still forwarded to the answering service. I am so pissed off!!!! How can I start my injections when I have no clue what dose to take. I feel like I was duped. This RE was nothing short of amazing when I first meet her and now I just want to kill her. I have $580 worth of drugs in my refrigerator and no clue what to do with it. Why does this shit always happen to me. I just feel very defeated right now.

Got my drugs in the mail today

I had no clue the Dr had ordered so much stuff for me from the pharmacy. No wonder my bill was five hundred and eighty dollars. But I have to admit I was like a kid on Christmas when the fed ex guy rang the doorbell bright and early at 9 am this morning. I jumped right up out of bed and ran down the steps not thinking that I was not wearing my bra my hair was all over the place and I was in my pj's. The fed ex guy looked shocked when I threw open the door like a crazy lady. I signed for the package and snatched the box from his hands. I could not believe the size of this box. I was just expecting a small box with ice and my follistim pen plus meds. Nope I got so much more, I got a VIP membership to the pharmacy for god only knows what, follistim pen, chorionic gonad (10,000) unit vials, crinone 8% gel (a 20 day supply), 2 syringes, 2 needles for the syringes, a sharps container for the needles and my follistim AQ 600 IU cartridge. I am so very excited! The Dr told me to treat today as day 1 of AF since last night I was only spotting and started so late at night. I also started taking my prenatal vitamins today. So I think I am officially ready to get this cycle rolling. Yippy, I really hope that I get positive results from my first IUI cycle. I guess we will know the results in the next 28-30 days.

AF is here and my drugs are on there way ... Yippy

This has to be the first time in over 2 years that I have been excited about seeing AF. The funny thing is, she was not due for another day or two but I had a feeling she was going to be here today. So I jumped on the phone called the pharmacy and tomorrow my injections will be here. I am so excited about doing the IUI this month I really hope that it is what we need to get a BFP.

Time for a happy dance ....

I'm the only idiot that can get sick in 110 degree weather

The past 3 days I have been feeling like crap. The best way to describe it is I feel like the start of a flu. I'm achy, my head is stuffy, in nauseated, weak etc... The worst part of it, is that my hips are killing me. I know there is no way I slept wrong 3 nights in a row but they are killing me! I'm irritable in pain and just feel flat out like shit! I just feel like run down crap right now. And on top of it AF is due any day now. Usually when I'm sick she comes early but being she is due in the next two days who knows what she has in store for me. Uggggg I give up I'm going to bed hopefully I will be back to normal in the morning. (Wishful thinking!!!!!!!)

Ready for AF to show up

So this is the first and more then likely only time I will ever say that I want AF to show up. Only problem is she is not due for another 9-12 days. I am 100 % sure that this is not going to be our month since DH and I did not BD close enough to O time since we decided at the last minute to skip this month and wait it out until the following month, when we are doing our IUI cycle. So tomorrow I plan on calling the pharmacy and filling out injectables prescription just to make sure we have it in time for next cycle. I am so excited and ready for this cycle to be over with. I wish there were something I could do to speed up the process.

Questions ...... Answered!

So, I decided to e-mail the nurse at my RE's office with the questions that I have been going over and over in my head since my last appointment. To my surprise I got an e-mail directly from my RE with a phone call to follow, just to make sure I was ok with her response. (If I have not said it before I will say it now .... I love my new RE)

My e-mail to her:

Hi Kendra. Here are my questions ...

1) Is it worth doing the IUI without having my thyroid regulated? I know Dr Littman said she was going to re check my thyroid in 4 weeks from when it was first tested but that would put me right around my insemination date.
2) Would it be beneficial to go on birth control for a month before my IUI to see if I can get rid of some of the cysts I have?
3) Does the quality of your eggs get better after your thyroid is regulated?
4) I know Patrick's sperm count came back normal but is it an option to use fresh and frozen sperm for my IUI? Will that increase my chances?
5) I got a call from the pharmacy and they said the injections would be $580 is there a pharmacy that is any cheaper or do I have to use this one?
6) last but not least what injectable am I going on? I know you said follistim but after watching the video you gave me I did not know if it was the one with the pen or just the strait injection.
Sorry for all of the questions. I have just had to much running through my mind and I want to make sure I make the right decision.



Dr Littman's response:
Hi Amy,I must say, my usual rule is that if it takes me more than five sentences or five minutes to answer questions, I usually request an office visit because it is just easier and better for both of us... but for you I will make an exception.
1. Your thyroid was not very abnormal... therefore... given what I know and my past experience in treating thyroid issues, in 4 weeks you should be right on target as far as your thyroid is concerned which is why I thought it would be fine to proceed with an IUI in the upcoming cycle.
2. You have polycystic ovarian syndrome... going on birth control is not going to change that fact, it does not get rid of the cyst... nothing but time and aging does that...
3. Nothing increases the quality of your eggs, the quality of your eggs only decreases with time... it is a one way street unfortunately and there is nothing you can eat, drink, take, that will change that... sorry to be so blunt but its the truth...regulating the thyroid simply helps with whole picture of reproduction. There are other factors besides the egg quality that play a role in reproduction and regulating the thyroid helps to keep some of these other factors in line... it is kind of complicated....
4. Doing two back to back insemination's has been shown to increase chances around 2-3%, given the fact that his sperm is normal... it is not necessary but if you would like it can be done. You will have to ask Kendra about the extra cost. I would not freeze a specimen, I would do insemination with two fresh specimens around the time of ovulation...
5. Actually you seemed to have gotten a good price on that medicine, in general it is pretty expensive... depending on how you respond, you may not need very much medicine, unfortunately, I can't tell that until you actually start taking the medicine.
6. You will be taking the follistim starting cycle day #3... this medicine helps the eggs to grow. Once the eggs are big enough, then you will take the straight injection or the HCG trigger shot to release the eggs. I will be monitoring you with ultrasound the entire time and I will let you know when to take the HCG injection so don't worry about that medicine for now...I hope this answered everything. My personal email is @hotmail.com... please feel free to contact me directly if you have any further medical questions... Sincerely,Eva Littman, M.D.