When to let go of a grudge

When I was back in high school I had a great group of girlfriends, we did everything together! But there was one girl in the group who did not like me and my best friend Rachel. Her name was Brandee, and she hated us for no good reason. I guess the best way to tell the story is to go back to the beginning,

In the summer of 94 before my freshman year in High School Rachel and I were helping her mother's office move locations. Helen (Rachel's mother) brought us with her to work to help pack and Kathy (Helen's boss) brought her son Josh H, and his friend Josh M. Rachel and I quickly became friends with the boy's as Rachel had a crush on Josh M. Soon we were introduced to the rest of the boys friends who we later nicknamed the Josh's since there was Josh H, Josh M, Josh B & Josh E and then the rest of the group Aaron, Russ, Billy, Frankie, Jimmy & Steve. We did everything together from hiking in the caves to going to wet and wild. When Rachel and I started freshman year we introduced our friend's Leslie, Marla, Brittney & Destiny to the Joshes and within the first few years of high school everyone started to couple off. Rachel was seeing Josh M, I was seeing Steve, Marla was seeing Josh H, Leslie was seeing Josh E, And Marla's friend Brandee started seeing Josh B. As all young couples do everyone started to break up but being we were all friends everyone still hung around together. In my Jr year Rachel and I decided to ditch school and go hang out with Josh B, Billy, & Russ. We knew Josh and Brandee had recently broken up but Rachel and I were friends with the guys first and thought it was no big deal since these boys were like brothers to us. We picked up the guys and went to skyline for breakfast, and when we went to drop the boys off we noticed Brandee and her friend Tonya (Billy's ex) sitting in front of the house waiting for them. She was mad and assumed that there was something going on between one of us and her ex Josh B. Trying to avoid a confrontation Rachel and I drove off to go visit some other friends. Before we knew it we were on Boulder Highway being chased by Brandee. We tried to avoid her since she was in a fit of rage, but she chased us and tried to run us off the road into a ditch. Being the great driver that I am somehow we lost them.
Skip to 1 year later, I was working at a club as a cashier. Marla calls me to see if I can hook her up and get her and some friends in for free. I thought no biggy as I did this for my friends all of the time. When they showed up I notice one of the girls with her was Brandee. My gut reaction was to get mad, as Brandee had never apologized for that night she tried to kill Rachel & me. I let them in but charge just to be a bitch and 20 minutes later after annoyance sets in I got them kicked out, just to prove a point. (To this day I still have no clue what point I was trying to prove). Marla and I remained friends but never as close as we were, and after high school never spoke again. So skip to now 10 years later myspace has a strange way of bringing people together. Marla finds me on myspace as well as Russ, Aaron and a few of the Josh's. Then one day I log in and see a friends request from Brandee and like a pissed off teenager I refuse her as a friend. It's like all of the anger I had returned, it never went away it just sat dormant. I think nothing of this and never speak of it. Every now and then I poke onto her page to see what it says (What can I say I'm Jewish=) ) Until on day a headline grabs my attention it read "today's my last day of chemo" and listed her mood as excited. I will never forget that day, as it was the first day I felt bad for holding a grudge against her. The next week her headline changes to "Excited about planning my wedding" I though good for her she made it through chemo and what a blessing to have a wonderful man by her side. Then this past Friday the headline changed again, this time to "Brandee is having surgery today :(" with her mood showing as scared. I wanted to write her and say something but my pride got in the way. Then today I logged on to myspace, to see some of our old high school friends had changed there headlines. I kept reading over and over what everyone's status and moods had changed to, they all said "RIP Brandee" and most showing either sad, crushed, numb or indescribable as there current mood. I thought there is no way she had died. I took from 8 am this morning when I read that first update till now for it to set in. She is really gone! I cried because I felt so bad for not forgiving her for that one moment, I cried for her fiance, I cried for what would have been her future step son, I cried for her parents but mostly I cried for being so stupid as to hold a grudge for over 10 years for something that now seems ridiculous.

When do we forgive and forget? How long is to long to hold a grudge on someone? Life is so short and at any moment it could change. If nothing else I have learned that sometimes you just have to grow up and forgive. You have to put your differences behind you and move on to what is more important. Life!


Brandee, I want to apologize for acting so foolish and holding a grudge for the last 10 plus years. I am sorry for not forgiving you when I had the chance to make a difference. RIP friend you will be missed.