My MIL Christmas list of guilt

Yesterday Patrick and I went to visit my mother in law, and to watch a football game with her and her husband. While there we got on the subject of Christmas lists. Every year my MIL asks us for a list and then turns around and gives us a guilt trip about how money is tight. So we never give her a list and always tell her to get us what she thinks we could use within her budget. The annoying part of that is that it is total bull crap and we know that money is never tight it is just them that are the tight wads, and don't like to spend money. Anyway while we were there my MIL pulls out her Christmas list and hands one to us and one to my BIL. I take a quick glance at it and roll my eyes at the things she has put on her list. On the way home I read the list to Patrick and just can not believe what I am reading.
Here is her list exactly as written on the paper she gave us. My comments are in red.
#1 DVD's Kung Fu Panda or Fly Wheel (from the christian book store)
#2 The relaxation CD from Target
#3 Write in on your calender EACH MONTH things like: call Mom once this month, go see Mom once this month, tell Mom a joke, ask Mom about her childhood, grandparents, what she wanted to be when she grew up OR tell her one of these things about yourself!
This is so stupid to me because Patrick talks to her at least once a week when she calls to give us one of her poor me calls. As far as seeing her once a month every time we try to do something with her she either has a headache or her back hurts. And as far as asking about her childhood and what not, I made it a point back when I was pregnant to go and pick her up a grandparents book to fill out all about her and her life. And I sat down and had a long talk about how important it was to me that she fill the book out because I wanted to make sure I had it to pass down to my kids so they would know about there grandmother if god forbid anything ever happened to her.
#4 Go to Church with us 2-3 times this year. I'm not asking for the moon.... yet!
Now my problem with this one is that I am Jewish, not strict practicing but still. My family is jewish some more religious then others and my family would never ask him to set foot in a temple. And would not even bring it up for the simple purpose of not wanting to put him in a bad position. It's not like my MIL does not know I am Jewish so why she would ask that of us/me just makes me mad.
#5 Start a "game night" with the family once a month or two. Games could include board games, cards, some outdoor things.... Remember, I'm old!
Now I would be totally for this but again every time we try to do something with her we get the I have a headache my back hurts lecture.
#6 Pick a verse/chapter in the Bible you might like to know more about or just discuss with is once in a while.
I have never read the bible and I have no intention of it. I've read the Torah but something tells me she hasn't! The fact that she would even ask that of me is just disrespectful.
#7 Do some volunteer work together...Ask about Andre in Steve's class!
I would do volunteer work and have many times. Heck I use to work with an animal rescue and housed half the pound in my old home.
#8 Write me a poem, storey, letter about anything you want .... wishes, wants, dreams, regrets, favorites, dislikes, fears, top 10 things you love about yourself!
#9 Steve (Step FIL) loves almonds & praline pecans. I would love a pair of OU earrings, especially football. I know, I know, more earrings! But I need some for all my OU shirts!!!!!
#10 Wash my car for me!
Ahhhhh your kids are not 5 years old anymore wash your own car! Or I can hire someone to do it for you.
#11 Help put up some of the Christmas decorations, or get them out of the garage!
Again noooooo we have our own decorations to put up, but I will hire someone to put them up for you. Decorating one house is enough for me!
#12 Cookie Exchange! Each of us makes one kid of cookie, enough for everyone else to take 6 or 12 of each. If 6 of us make one kind of cookie, we end up with 3 to 6 dozen cookies, 6 different types! This takes lots of planning ahead!
Now I am a lover of baking but I am not a lover of eating food from other peoples homes that I do not know. Call me paranoid but I just can't eat something from someones home I have never been to. People are dirty and well that's all I have to say about that!
#13 Make Max and Molly for a walk
I am not driving 45 minutes to your house to take your dog's for a walk. That is just ridiculous to ask for.
#14 CD by The Tractors from Oklahoma their Christmas CD. It's been out a long time. I have the tape and have just worn it out.
#15 Invite me to lunch sometime. I'll be on my best behavior and try not to embarrass you. I'll even pay my own way!
Again refer back to the headache, back ache BS from #'s 5 & 3. We have tried to do this many of times but always get the same excuse.
#16 A 5x7 or 3x5 picture of you! It doesn't have to be fancy, formal or framed. Just fun!
I'll get right on that so that you can add it to the pile of pictures that you have of us and do nothing with. Last year she wanted us to take a family photo that we footed the bill for, and when she got the pic's she did not like how she looked in them so she threw them away. We never even got to see them.
#17 Speaking of pictures .... Patrick, I need my pictures back! I want all of you to go through the pictures with me to quickly pick out pictures you would want in a scrap book..... I may try me hand as scrap booking. If I'm not good at it, at least I'll know which pictures I'll need to duplicate for you! I can get started on that!
I can not believe she is asking for the boxed of Patrick's childhood pictures that she made us come pick up one day when she was on a cleaning mission to get rid of everything. As I remember it was come get them or they are going in the trash. And now she wants them back. AHHHHHH NO!
#18 I missed out on so much of your lives when you were little. Now that you are grown and on your own, you are making your own life. Again, I am not much of a part of your life. I miss you and love you so very much but as times, I feel like I hardly know you anymore. It's been 10 years since my mom died and even though we were very close, I still think of things I wished I had asked or said to her, my daddy, too. Please, help me find common ground with you so we can make memories together that you will cherish and want to share with your kids and grand kids long after I am gone.
Now while this makes me feel horrible that she feels this way I think this family us included could benefit from alittle therapy. There is obviously something deeper going on that is causing her to give us this Christmas list of guilt.
#19 Spa towels from JC Penney sage green with the squares or checker board look, bath size, one or two if you get them on sale.
How random to throw this in after that big fat guilt trip. It's just fing this odd.


Now don't get me wrong I love my mother in law but I just have no clue what is going through her head. This is just not a Christmas list and all it has done is make me very mad. Stay tuned for my Christmas list response ....

9 days down only 6 days left ....

And then bye bye BCP! I can not I repeat can not wait to be off this stupid BCP. I have laid out the welcome mat for AF and hopefully she will be here between the 14th and 16th of November. I'm really feeling good about this next cycle. My meds are here and waiting, so that takes away from the last minute call to the pharmacy worried if I ordered on time for overnight delivery or not. And I am starting to get used to all of my new meds. The Metanx made me very nauseated for the first few days and now nothing. So now my daily regimen is Metanx, BCP, Levothyroxine, Baby Aspirin and my prenatal vitamins. It seems like alot but it is really not that bad. I have the alarm set on my phone to remind me to take my pills by 10 P.M. although I take my thyroid pills right when I get up. I am finally getting in to groove of things and it feels great. As soon as I get the all clear I will be adding my follistim injections to my daily regimen. And I have high hopes that I will have a successful BFP soon. I don't know what it is about today whether it's that it's Friday of that I woke up on the right side of the bed but something feels right about today.

My plan for tonight, I'm cooking dinner so when Patrick gets home he will be pleasantly surprised. Not that I don't cook but usually I am at work until the same time as him so I don't start cooking until we both get home. Plus with all of my free time from being home today I cleaned house and pulled all of our winter clothing out of the garage to clean and hang up. So if all goes as planned we will have dinner then go to a movie. Whatever we do I just look forward to spending alittle quality time together and not thinking or talking about babies or baby making. I'm gonna break open a bottle of wine and enjoy the BCP while I am on it. So here is to a good night and hopefully a great weekend!

5 days of BCP down 8 more to go

AF was a monster this month. At one point I thought I was going to bleed to death. But thanks to the Dr in the ER everything is going to be ok.
Today is CD 7 day 5 of BCP and while I am not thrilled to be on the pill, I am thrilled that the time is passing so fast. I am ready to move on to IUI#2 and hopefully have a little Thanksgiving turkey cooking for the next 9 months. I am so scared that I am going to get a BFN and have 2008 be a total failure. I know it's odd to be scared of a BFN especially since we have not even started our cycle. But I keep thinking that we had beginners luck with IUI#1. Patrick and I have had a long talk in preparation for if we do get a BFP. We read up on Lovenox and have decided that with all of the things that we have to do just to get pregnant and all that we will have to do to maintain that pregnancy we are only going to do this to ourselves one time. Meaning if we only get one baby out if this cycle then we stop at that one baby. I have always had dreams of having two kids but I am ok with knowing that might not be an option for us.

TTC has definitely been a roller coaster ride for us. I feel truly blessed that my marriage has been strong enough to survive all of the stress I've thrown at it. I really feel it has brought us closer. We have a new found love and respect for one another. Patrick has seen me at my worst. Through times that I have been so hormonal from clomid, follistim, stress (and the list goes on) times when I was so nasty to him for no good reason other then just feeling like I failed him. He has always stood by me and been there to pick up the pieces. I never imagined I would love him more today then I did 2 years ago when we got married. He truly is the love of my life and I want nothing more then to make him a daddy.

The holidays are upon us as is my birthday. If I get nothing but a BFP for my B-day and Christmas I would be 100% ok with that. If I fail I'm putting follistim on my list of things I want for my B-day and Christmas. I wounder if my family would think I was crazy for asking for that... Hmmmmmm. This year has absolutely flown by and I would say that time flies when your having fun but there was nothing good that came out of 2008. For all of my ivillage girls and anyone else that reads my blogs, I hope that 2009 brings us BFP's, sticky beans and happy and healthy little ones.

Anyway, I have done enough rambling for one night so I am going to get my butt to bed.

Molly Pig

Molly Dressed up for Halloween like a pig this year. She looked so cute I just had to share some pictures of her

I HATE TTC

I really do! Whenever I think things are going my way someone has to smack me back into reality. AF finally came after 41 long days she finally showed yesterday. I was so excited I called and ordered my injections not thinking that anything could go wrong. And sure enough everything always does! I go to see my RE today because tomorrow she is closed for Nevada day. Now understand I love Nevada (well not really but I like it alot) I have lived in this state for 15 years and well this is home. But on Nevada day everything is closed and it always falls on Halloween. Anyway so I am usually suppose to see my RE on CD 3 for my 3 day ultrasound so that I can start injections. But as it is Nevada Day on Friday her office is closed. Fing great! So I call yesterday to schedule my appointment, and no one could get back to me until 7:30 this morning to tell me when I could come in. Fine! But my entire morning was being planned around the arrival of my injections. So I tell the girl I will have to call as soon as my package arrives as the meds need to be refrigerated and if I am not here to sign for it Fed Ex won't leave it. At 11:30 my package arrives, I call my RE's office to schedule when I can come in and I am put on the books for 1:45. So far so good. They do my ultrasound and I get the all clear no cysts yeahhhhh. Then my RE turns to me and says well your going to start BCP on CD 3. WTF... I ask why and she informs me she is going out of town and will not be here to monitor the growth of the follicles. My heart sinks, I dress and go to meet her at the nurses station to pick up my BCP and go over the "IUI flow sheet". Then she drops another bomb on me. She received the rest of my genetic test results and there not good. I blank out and do not hear another word she says to me. It was almost like I was lost in thought. I look at her and say ok like I am listening to every word she says, but in truth I heard nothing. She hands me a prescription for Metanx and tells me to start taking it right away as well as baby aspirin. And that as soon as I get my next BFP she is placing me on daily injections of Lovenox. I stand there in disbelief. Why me, how come I can never catch a break.

So my cycle will now go as follows, since my lining was very thick my RE feels like today is CD 1. On CD 3 I will start BCP and on 11/14/08 I will stop my BCP. On 11/17/18 I go in for a baseline ultrasound and blood test and on CD 3 I will start 150IU of follistim. Return on 11/20/08 for my next ultrasound and blood test and again on 11/24/08. My trigger date and IUI to follow. I just can't believe that after 2 years and 4 month of TTC that I am going on BCP. This feels like the end of the world to me.

Update

So I got a call back from the nurse at my RE's office last night and this is what she told me. The thing about the BCP was a mess up but my RE decided after I left her office that she would rather me move my dose up to 150IU's for 10 days instead of 100IU's for 9 days. I asked her what if I responded to well to it what would happen and she said that they would either move me down a dose or my RE would cancel the cycle. I reminded the nurse that my insurance does not cover the medication and that I was going to be paying close to 2k out of pocket. And that I was in no position to be waisting money on extra follistim or a cycle that ends in getting canceled. She quickly put me on hold and when she returned she told me that my RE is going to leave it up to me I can either have them deliver all 5 cartridges and do the 150 IU's or I could have them deliver 3 cartridges and I would take only the 100IU's. That conversation aggravated the crap out of me. So last night I talked to Patrick about it and he told me to do whatever I wanted to. I just don't know what the heck to do now.
On top of all of that headache lets talk about the amazing disappearing AF. I Started spotting yesterday the cramps were SO bad I thought for sure that it was going to be full force, to the point where I was in the bathroom checking every five minutes. By the end of the night AF had disappeared and I was left with super achy cramps. All night I tossed and turned afraid that she was going to show with a vengeance. I finally fell asleep only to be woken up at 3 a.m. I coughed so hard in my sleep somehow I made myself throw up. I woke up just in time to close my mouth and run to the bathroom. After tossing my cookies I tried to lay back down and fall asleep but that never happened. I just laid there for the rest of the night trying to figure out what to do. I have had some brown spotting off and on but honestly not even enough to even call it spotting. I feel like I'm on my period yet there is no blood. So I called my RE's office again this afternoon to cancel my day 3 ultrasound and informed the nurse that AF has decided not to come after all. This at least buys me some time to figure out what I want to do about the injections. I just don't know what to do I don't want to make the wrong decision.

Stuck on stupid

I wake up this morning and feel the cramps. My immediate reaction is to run to the bathroom and check for AF sure enough I started spotting. I don't believe I had ever been so excited to see AF in my life. I run into the bedroom jump on Patrick and yell ... Bring on the twins! He looks at me like I have two heads and all he can do is laugh. Not 5 minutes later I get a call from Schrafts, that they received my prescription from my RE yesterday and want to know when I need it by. I inform the rep that I need it by Thursday and when she tells me how much I owe my heart about stops. It is double what I was expecting. Holy S&%t is all I could say. I made the rep go over everything my RE has ordered for me and she proceeds to tell me 1 HCG, 2 needles, 1 20 count box of progesterone gel & 5 300IU cartridges of follistim. I quickly stop her in her tracks. What the F do I need 5 300 IU's of follistim for? The month of my BFP I had only been on 900 IU's 75 IU's a day for 12 days this month I was suppose to do 9 days of 100 IU's so again only 900 IU's for the cycle just a higher daily dose. I even watched my RE wright 100 IU's daily for 9 days on her paper work. So what would I possibly need the additional 600 IU's for. Something had to be wrong. So I told the representative that I had to call my RE and call her back just to verify because something was wrong. I call over and leave a message for a nurse or my Dr to call me back. About 30 minutes later I get a call from the nurse who proceeds to tell me that my RE wants me to do 150 IU's daily. I explain that when I was in just yesterday I was told we were only going to do 100 IU's daily. The next thing the nurse said to me caught me so off guard she said will lets put the order on hold since you aren't going to need it for a while anyway. Huh I replied I'm getting my period today what are you talking about. Well you should be starting birth control this week then. I started getting angry what the heck are you talking about I am starting my follistim this week for my IUI. I'm not going on birth control. Are you even looking at the right file? At that point I was told my RE would have to call me back since there is obviously some mess up. How the F can things get so messed up so fast. I'm stuck and now here I sit staring at the phone hoping that someone will get back to me before the end of the day. Someone that hopefully knows whats going on and someone that can steer me in the right direction. All I want are my drugs! Why do I feel like I am constantly being held back. Can nothing ever go the way it is suppose to for me. Uggggghhhhhhhh I give the F up!