I think I'm loosing my mind!

For some reason I keep having dreams that someone breaks into my home and kidnaps Gage. I guess it's just my worst fear with all of the crazy people in this world. Then this morning I thought my worst fear had come true. Here's what happened ...

Last week I had a photographer come to the house to take some pictures of Gage. I figured that would be a great Christmas present for the 4 sets of grandparents that Gage has. The girl came to the house and was really nice but came off like she might have been on something. After that night I started having bad dreams about someone breaking into the house and taking him. Then last night she came back to deliver the CD with all of the pictures. Only she brought her husband with her. They walked into the house and I caught a really odd vibe from her husband. First off he is a tattoo artist and I am sure a very nice guy but he had tattoo's on his face and they were alittle freaky. He didn't crack a single smile, although I am sure he was uncomfortable being in a strangers house. He hovered over her very closely as we stood over the computer looking at the prints. She kept asking to see Gage who was comfortably relaxing in his bouncer chair in the living room. So I brought her over to see him. She asked to hold him and I obliged then she walked over to her husband saying isn't he the cutest baby ever, he's my little buddy. I thought it was cute but this guy still didn't crack any sort of smile. He just looked angry/evil. Shortly after that they left. We locked up the house and went back to our normal routine put Gage to bed and then we went to sleep. Patrick and I have been switching off every other morning on getting up with Gage for his feeding. The routine is Gage usually wakes up between 5 a.m. and 7 a.m. eats a bottle and then goes back to bed in his bouncer. He would go back to bed in his crib but his window faces east so the sun shines in his window and since the window is over sized we had to custom order a black out curtain and well it's not here yet. So when we put him down after his feeding he goes into his bouncer and sleeps in the living room so that Patrick's snoring doesn't wake him. As a courtesy to each other on the mornings I get up with Gage I turn the baby monitor off so that Gage's crying doesn't wake Pat up and Patrick does the same on his mornings. So anyway back to the point I wake up from my bad dream at about 10 to 6, completely shaken I look at the clock and look at the monitor. Why don't I hear the baby snoring I run to Gage's room and look down into the crib. He's not there! My reaction ..... scream bloody murder! Patrick jumps out of bed to see whats going on. At this point I'm on the floor crying and screaming he's gone. Amy he's in the bouncer. I'm sobbing so uncontrollably I don't hear what Patrick is saying so he picks Gage up and brings him to me. I sat on the floor for what felt like and eternity clinging to Gage so happy to see him. I guess he woke up around 4 a.m. and Patrick heard him chewing on his hand so he got up to check on him and decided to feed him and put him in his bouncer. In an attempt not to wake me since I have been sleeping so bad from those dreams. It never even occurred to me that he might have already been in his bouncer I am just so use to waking up to his cries when I didn't hear them I immediately thought the worst. Then seeing the monitor on it just didn't register that he might have already been up. After all calmed down I asked Pat why he didn't turn the monitor off and he admitted that the girls husband scared him alittle as well and he wanted to make sure he could hear on the other side of the house.

Something happening to Gage is my worst fear. If anything ever happened to him, I just don't know what I would do with myself. He's my world! Sometimes when I watch the news and see yet another child has been kidnapped, I catch myself saying "Thank god that isn't my child". My heart just sinks for those families who have had someone kidnap there child. Dreaming about it is bad enough, I just truly couldn't imagine living out that nightmare.