9 days down only 6 days left ....

And then bye bye BCP! I can not I repeat can not wait to be off this stupid BCP. I have laid out the welcome mat for AF and hopefully she will be here between the 14th and 16th of November. I'm really feeling good about this next cycle. My meds are here and waiting, so that takes away from the last minute call to the pharmacy worried if I ordered on time for overnight delivery or not. And I am starting to get used to all of my new meds. The Metanx made me very nauseated for the first few days and now nothing. So now my daily regimen is Metanx, BCP, Levothyroxine, Baby Aspirin and my prenatal vitamins. It seems like alot but it is really not that bad. I have the alarm set on my phone to remind me to take my pills by 10 P.M. although I take my thyroid pills right when I get up. I am finally getting in to groove of things and it feels great. As soon as I get the all clear I will be adding my follistim injections to my daily regimen. And I have high hopes that I will have a successful BFP soon. I don't know what it is about today whether it's that it's Friday of that I woke up on the right side of the bed but something feels right about today.

My plan for tonight, I'm cooking dinner so when Patrick gets home he will be pleasantly surprised. Not that I don't cook but usually I am at work until the same time as him so I don't start cooking until we both get home. Plus with all of my free time from being home today I cleaned house and pulled all of our winter clothing out of the garage to clean and hang up. So if all goes as planned we will have dinner then go to a movie. Whatever we do I just look forward to spending alittle quality time together and not thinking or talking about babies or baby making. I'm gonna break open a bottle of wine and enjoy the BCP while I am on it. So here is to a good night and hopefully a great weekend!

5 days of BCP down 8 more to go

AF was a monster this month. At one point I thought I was going to bleed to death. But thanks to the Dr in the ER everything is going to be ok.
Today is CD 7 day 5 of BCP and while I am not thrilled to be on the pill, I am thrilled that the time is passing so fast. I am ready to move on to IUI#2 and hopefully have a little Thanksgiving turkey cooking for the next 9 months. I am so scared that I am going to get a BFN and have 2008 be a total failure. I know it's odd to be scared of a BFN especially since we have not even started our cycle. But I keep thinking that we had beginners luck with IUI#1. Patrick and I have had a long talk in preparation for if we do get a BFP. We read up on Lovenox and have decided that with all of the things that we have to do just to get pregnant and all that we will have to do to maintain that pregnancy we are only going to do this to ourselves one time. Meaning if we only get one baby out if this cycle then we stop at that one baby. I have always had dreams of having two kids but I am ok with knowing that might not be an option for us.

TTC has definitely been a roller coaster ride for us. I feel truly blessed that my marriage has been strong enough to survive all of the stress I've thrown at it. I really feel it has brought us closer. We have a new found love and respect for one another. Patrick has seen me at my worst. Through times that I have been so hormonal from clomid, follistim, stress (and the list goes on) times when I was so nasty to him for no good reason other then just feeling like I failed him. He has always stood by me and been there to pick up the pieces. I never imagined I would love him more today then I did 2 years ago when we got married. He truly is the love of my life and I want nothing more then to make him a daddy.

The holidays are upon us as is my birthday. If I get nothing but a BFP for my B-day and Christmas I would be 100% ok with that. If I fail I'm putting follistim on my list of things I want for my B-day and Christmas. I wounder if my family would think I was crazy for asking for that... Hmmmmmm. This year has absolutely flown by and I would say that time flies when your having fun but there was nothing good that came out of 2008. For all of my ivillage girls and anyone else that reads my blogs, I hope that 2009 brings us BFP's, sticky beans and happy and healthy little ones.

Anyway, I have done enough rambling for one night so I am going to get my butt to bed.

Molly Pig

Molly Dressed up for Halloween like a pig this year. She looked so cute I just had to share some pictures of her

I HATE TTC

I really do! Whenever I think things are going my way someone has to smack me back into reality. AF finally came after 41 long days she finally showed yesterday. I was so excited I called and ordered my injections not thinking that anything could go wrong. And sure enough everything always does! I go to see my RE today because tomorrow she is closed for Nevada day. Now understand I love Nevada (well not really but I like it alot) I have lived in this state for 15 years and well this is home. But on Nevada day everything is closed and it always falls on Halloween. Anyway so I am usually suppose to see my RE on CD 3 for my 3 day ultrasound so that I can start injections. But as it is Nevada Day on Friday her office is closed. Fing great! So I call yesterday to schedule my appointment, and no one could get back to me until 7:30 this morning to tell me when I could come in. Fine! But my entire morning was being planned around the arrival of my injections. So I tell the girl I will have to call as soon as my package arrives as the meds need to be refrigerated and if I am not here to sign for it Fed Ex won't leave it. At 11:30 my package arrives, I call my RE's office to schedule when I can come in and I am put on the books for 1:45. So far so good. They do my ultrasound and I get the all clear no cysts yeahhhhh. Then my RE turns to me and says well your going to start BCP on CD 3. WTF... I ask why and she informs me she is going out of town and will not be here to monitor the growth of the follicles. My heart sinks, I dress and go to meet her at the nurses station to pick up my BCP and go over the "IUI flow sheet". Then she drops another bomb on me. She received the rest of my genetic test results and there not good. I blank out and do not hear another word she says to me. It was almost like I was lost in thought. I look at her and say ok like I am listening to every word she says, but in truth I heard nothing. She hands me a prescription for Metanx and tells me to start taking it right away as well as baby aspirin. And that as soon as I get my next BFP she is placing me on daily injections of Lovenox. I stand there in disbelief. Why me, how come I can never catch a break.

So my cycle will now go as follows, since my lining was very thick my RE feels like today is CD 1. On CD 3 I will start BCP and on 11/14/08 I will stop my BCP. On 11/17/18 I go in for a baseline ultrasound and blood test and on CD 3 I will start 150IU of follistim. Return on 11/20/08 for my next ultrasound and blood test and again on 11/24/08. My trigger date and IUI to follow. I just can't believe that after 2 years and 4 month of TTC that I am going on BCP. This feels like the end of the world to me.

Update

So I got a call back from the nurse at my RE's office last night and this is what she told me. The thing about the BCP was a mess up but my RE decided after I left her office that she would rather me move my dose up to 150IU's for 10 days instead of 100IU's for 9 days. I asked her what if I responded to well to it what would happen and she said that they would either move me down a dose or my RE would cancel the cycle. I reminded the nurse that my insurance does not cover the medication and that I was going to be paying close to 2k out of pocket. And that I was in no position to be waisting money on extra follistim or a cycle that ends in getting canceled. She quickly put me on hold and when she returned she told me that my RE is going to leave it up to me I can either have them deliver all 5 cartridges and do the 150 IU's or I could have them deliver 3 cartridges and I would take only the 100IU's. That conversation aggravated the crap out of me. So last night I talked to Patrick about it and he told me to do whatever I wanted to. I just don't know what the heck to do now.
On top of all of that headache lets talk about the amazing disappearing AF. I Started spotting yesterday the cramps were SO bad I thought for sure that it was going to be full force, to the point where I was in the bathroom checking every five minutes. By the end of the night AF had disappeared and I was left with super achy cramps. All night I tossed and turned afraid that she was going to show with a vengeance. I finally fell asleep only to be woken up at 3 a.m. I coughed so hard in my sleep somehow I made myself throw up. I woke up just in time to close my mouth and run to the bathroom. After tossing my cookies I tried to lay back down and fall asleep but that never happened. I just laid there for the rest of the night trying to figure out what to do. I have had some brown spotting off and on but honestly not even enough to even call it spotting. I feel like I'm on my period yet there is no blood. So I called my RE's office again this afternoon to cancel my day 3 ultrasound and informed the nurse that AF has decided not to come after all. This at least buys me some time to figure out what I want to do about the injections. I just don't know what to do I don't want to make the wrong decision.

Stuck on stupid

I wake up this morning and feel the cramps. My immediate reaction is to run to the bathroom and check for AF sure enough I started spotting. I don't believe I had ever been so excited to see AF in my life. I run into the bedroom jump on Patrick and yell ... Bring on the twins! He looks at me like I have two heads and all he can do is laugh. Not 5 minutes later I get a call from Schrafts, that they received my prescription from my RE yesterday and want to know when I need it by. I inform the rep that I need it by Thursday and when she tells me how much I owe my heart about stops. It is double what I was expecting. Holy S&%t is all I could say. I made the rep go over everything my RE has ordered for me and she proceeds to tell me 1 HCG, 2 needles, 1 20 count box of progesterone gel & 5 300IU cartridges of follistim. I quickly stop her in her tracks. What the F do I need 5 300 IU's of follistim for? The month of my BFP I had only been on 900 IU's 75 IU's a day for 12 days this month I was suppose to do 9 days of 100 IU's so again only 900 IU's for the cycle just a higher daily dose. I even watched my RE wright 100 IU's daily for 9 days on her paper work. So what would I possibly need the additional 600 IU's for. Something had to be wrong. So I told the representative that I had to call my RE and call her back just to verify because something was wrong. I call over and leave a message for a nurse or my Dr to call me back. About 30 minutes later I get a call from the nurse who proceeds to tell me that my RE wants me to do 150 IU's daily. I explain that when I was in just yesterday I was told we were only going to do 100 IU's daily. The next thing the nurse said to me caught me so off guard she said will lets put the order on hold since you aren't going to need it for a while anyway. Huh I replied I'm getting my period today what are you talking about. Well you should be starting birth control this week then. I started getting angry what the heck are you talking about I am starting my follistim this week for my IUI. I'm not going on birth control. Are you even looking at the right file? At that point I was told my RE would have to call me back since there is obviously some mess up. How the F can things get so messed up so fast. I'm stuck and now here I sit staring at the phone hoping that someone will get back to me before the end of the day. Someone that hopefully knows whats going on and someone that can steer me in the right direction. All I want are my drugs! Why do I feel like I am constantly being held back. Can nothing ever go the way it is suppose to for me. Uggggghhhhhhhh I give the F up!

I'm A ok =)

So I went to my RE today for the results from all of my blood work. All of the genetic tests came back negative and my thyroid is finally regulated. Yeah!!!! I have a sneaking suspicion that my thyroid was the reason behind my miscarriage, but I'm relieved to know that it is finally back on track. So now I wait for AF. I'm currently on CD33 13DPO I am going to wait until Friday if AF doesn't show by then, I intend on testing. But knowing that the miscarriage will cause AF to be late I am in no rush to see a BFN. If I get a BFN and AF is not here in the next 3 weeks my RE is going to intervene. Although I hate the idea of possibly having to wait that long I'm gonna do as told (not like I have much choice). Ahhhhh I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Things are looking up, finally!