Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Blah

I'm sorry for the disappearance. I have been feeling pretty lost and overwhelmed lately and well I just shut down. I keep having this reoccurring dream that that baby A is still with us. And every morning I wake up and realize it's gone I go through that feeling of loss all over again. I have been focusing so much on the loss I forget that there's another one in there, and then I feel like I am neglecting baby B. My hormones have put me all over the map, and all I wanna do is sleep. Eating makes me throw up and not eating makes me dizzy and nauseated. I just can't win right now! I feel like I am going to explode at any moment, and just the smallest comments make my head spin. I avoid the phone like the plague and have almost completely secluded myself from the outside. I never imagined it would hurt this bad. The sadness has trumped any joy that I should be feeling right now. Even just sitting here now and writing this is hard. Am I going to be like this for the next 6 1/2 months? Or will this get any easier?

5 comments:

Coco said...

I am so so sorry for your loss Amy. You are in my prayers

Chele said...

Hugs honey. I'm so sorry you lost baby A and are having a difficult time finding joy in baby B.

I think you are just going through the normal grief process of a loss. If you didn't have baby B, don't you think you would still be grieving like you are now? I know I would be and you just don't bounce back from back to back losses overnight. It takes time to process the grief and move on to a more peaceful place.

I think that once you begin to feel baby B moving around and he/she becomes more real to you that it will help lessen your grief and give you something joyous to concentrate on.

I wish I could be there in person to help you through this difficult time. More cyber hugs.

Anonymous said...

{{{HUGS}}}

To A T said...

Huge (((HUGS)))
My heart goes out to you hun! You are in my prayers!

Lynn Page said...

Amy I think what you are feeling is normal, especially for a woman who had to work so hard to get to where you are. It's a hard loss. But as you pointed out, you still have on super strong, sticky baby in there and he/she is in it for the long haul!! Just remember that in just a few months you'll be holding that precious little baby and you'll be filled with so much joy you won't know what to do!!!! I love ya sweetie, and I'm here if you need ANYTHING!!!