I love my husband don't get me wrong. But how much pain can one person cause you before you have to say you have had enough. Tonight I realized that I am at that point. And although I hate to say it, I'm tempted to walk away. I don't think I have ever talked about Patrick's drinking before but let me start by saying it's pretty bad. To the point I would call him an alcoholic. In our 6 plus years of being together it has gotten worse each year. To some it's funny to watch him get drunk and act a fool. To others the way he act's is beyond annoying and they can't stand to be around him. I am one of those people that finds it annoying.
Patrick knows no limit. He is not capable of socially sitting down with friend and having a drink or two. He acts like a frat boy every time alcohol is around. I am constantly making excuses for him, but I feel that now with Gage around I need to stop doing that. I want to set an example for my son and the only example I am setting now is that it's ok to drink like a fish and act like a loser. I have tried to talk to Patrick's mom and show her just how bad it can be and she makes the excuse of telling me it's in there blood. I just don't know how much more I can take. Tonight I actually asked him to call his mom and have her come get him. I told him I was done and couldn't take it any more. And it's not a lie, I really am done. I just feel like I have been pushed to far. I am tired of making excuses for him. I know he thinks it's a joke and I will get over it in the morning but it's not. I am just at the end of my rope. He refuses help and feels he doesn't have a problem but I know he does. And I know it's not all in my head. I just never imagined I would get to this point.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
How much bull s&%t can one person take
Posted by Amy at 1:17 AM
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7 comments:
If there's one thing I learned from all the crummy relationships I've been in it's that your first instinct is always right.
In your case, something inside tells you that Patrick drinks too much and that he has a problem. However, in the past you've worked around it. You've made excuses, pushed it aside or even questioned your own perception ("maybe it's not that bad", "maybe he'll grow out of it", "he'll stop once the baby is born")...
The thing is, you cannot change someone or make them see that they even have a problem. I doubt Patrick see's he has a problem. He probably thinks he's a cool party guy and that he's fun when he drinks. If he is ever going to "get better", HE has to see this as a serious problem and HE has to be the one to make the change willingly.
Unfortunately, the only thing you can do is what is best for you and your baby. Doing so just might help to open up Patrick's eyes.
{{HUGS}}
Hugs Amy ....I dont know what else to say .
Hugs Amy,
Having lived a few alcoholics I can completely identify with what you are going through. My step-father, Pop, as I refer to him in my blog is the only one that recognized he had a problem and sought treatment. He just celebrated 33 years of sobriety.
My Bio father died of liver failure and prostate cancer this past January. Both brothers are functioning alcoholics and think just because they get up and go to work every day that they don't have a problem.
You have to put you and Gage first and hope for the best. I do know that until the alcoholic realizes and admits that he/she has a problem then there is no getting better. I hope Patrick will realize what he's doing to himself and his family and seek help, if not, you have to do what's best for you and Gage. Making excuses or enabling him isn't going to help him or anyone else.
I'm so sorry you are dealing with so much.
Amy, I forgot to add that maybe you should look for the closest ALNON meeting. We went through it as a family when I was a young teen.
So sorry you are going through this. Saying prayers for you!
Oh Amy, I totally understand. My father is a recovering alcoholic & my childhood was not that pleasant as a result. My mom stuck with him & sometimes I would hate her for that, but other times I realize that he probably would have died if my mom left him. It's such a tough decision. What the other ladies said about rehab being his decision is completely true - you'll never be able to make him quit unless he's ready. And unfortunately he has to hit ROCK bottom before he will get serious about it. My Dad tried to stop several times, unsuccessfully, before he hit bottom. My dad is a teddy bear now, one that tends to get grumpy sometimes because he never learned how to deal with his emotions w/o alcohol, but he is constantly working on it.
Of course, Gage has to come first now too - as he gets older he will realize what is going on, and he will live with that forever, as I do. I feel like I lost my whole childhood sometimes & I still don't like to talk about it for fear of being judged. Be strong, you can do it - whatever your choice may be. If you ever want to talk, I'm here for you. *Hugs*
-Jenn
Amy- I am so sorry to hear this. I went through something similar with my husband a few years ago. I asked him to go stay at his mother's as well. It too, runs in his family. After some long conversations, he decided to never again touch alcohol and has not drank a thing in years. Sometimes it takes your loved ones leaving to realize that the alcohol isn't worth it. If you want to talk, please email me.
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