Failing gracefully

I think I'm loosing my mind!

2009-12-19T09:08:00.000-08:00

For some reason I keep having dreams that someone breaks into my home and kidnaps Gage. I guess it's just my worst fear with all of the crazy people in this world. Then this morning I thought my worst fear had come true. Here's what happened ...

Last week I had a photographer come to the house to take some pictures of Gage. I figured that would be a great Christmas present for the 4 sets of grandparents that Gage has. The girl came to the house and was really nice but came off like she might have been on something. After that night I started having bad dreams about someone breaking into the house and taking him. Then last night she came back to deliver the CD with all of the pictures. Only she brought her husband with her. They walked into the house and I caught a really odd vibe from her husband. First off he is a tattoo artist and I am sure a very nice guy but he had tattoo's on his face and they were alittle freaky. He didn't crack a single smile, although I am sure he was uncomfortable being in a strangers house. He hovered over her very closely as we stood over the computer looking at the prints. She kept asking to see Gage who was comfortably relaxing in his bouncer chair in the living room. So I brought her over to see him. She asked to hold him and I obliged then she walked over to her husband saying isn't he the cutest baby ever, he's my little buddy. I thought it was cute but this guy still didn't crack any sort of smile. He just looked angry/evil. Shortly after that they left. We locked up the house and went back to our normal routine put Gage to bed and then we went to sleep. Patrick and I have been switching off every other morning on getting up with Gage for his feeding. The routine is Gage usually wakes up between 5 a.m. and 7 a.m. eats a bottle and then goes back to bed in his bouncer. He would go back to bed in his crib but his window faces east so the sun shines in his window and since the window is over sized we had to custom order a black out curtain and well it's not here yet. So when we put him down after his feeding he goes into his bouncer and sleeps in the living room so that Patrick's snoring doesn't wake him. As a courtesy to each other on the mornings I get up with Gage I turn the baby monitor off so that Gage's crying doesn't wake Pat up and Patrick does the same on his mornings. So anyway back to the point I wake up from my bad dream at about 10 to 6, completely shaken I look at the clock and look at the monitor. Why don't I hear the baby snoring I run to Gage's room and look down into the crib. He's not there! My reaction ..... scream bloody murder! Patrick jumps out of bed to see whats going on. At this point I'm on the floor crying and screaming he's gone. Amy he's in the bouncer. I'm sobbing so uncontrollably I don't hear what Patrick is saying so he picks Gage up and brings him to me. I sat on the floor for what felt like and eternity clinging to Gage so happy to see him. I guess he woke up around 4 a.m. and Patrick heard him chewing on his hand so he got up to check on him and decided to feed him and put him in his bouncer. In an attempt not to wake me since I have been sleeping so bad from those dreams. It never even occurred to me that he might have already been in his bouncer I am just so use to waking up to his cries when I didn't hear them I immediately thought the worst. Then seeing the monitor on it just didn't register that he might have already been up. After all calmed down I asked Pat why he didn't turn the monitor off and he admitted that the girls husband scared him alittle as well and he wanted to make sure he could hear on the other side of the house.

Something happening to Gage is my worst fear. If anything ever happened to him, I just don't know what I would do with myself. He's my world! Sometimes when I watch the news and see yet another child has been kidnapped, I catch myself saying "Thank god that isn't my child". My heart just sinks for those families who have had someone kidnap there child. Dreaming about it is bad enough, I just truly couldn't imagine living out that nightmare.

Time to sort things out.

2009-12-02T12:59:00.000-08:00

I had to step back from my blog for a minute to sort things out. I needed to get some things in my life back in order and prioritize the things that felt like they were falling apart. In particular my marriage. I knew in order to get him out of his funk and get him back on track we had to stabilize out living arrangements and with that we moved to a beautiful 2 bedroom apartment. Now that we are situated in our new home and Gage has his own room we could spend more time as a family and just enjoy being together. And that we have. In addition I have fully revamped the company I work for and have taken control of getting the office organized and back up to where we once were. We have made lots of great contacts and have partnered up with a direct lender meaning we can now pretty much write our own loans. It's a wonderful feeling having that much control again. With that much business going on I have given Patrick a home working with me to help us advertise and generate new business. The plus side of that, although we both work from home we are both around to take care of Gage. And in addition Patrick can continue to focus on school, and since he is doing something he enjoys he has not been drinking. Things are finally coming together. Slowly, but I can't complain.

I have to admit this has been one of the best and worst years of my life. In one year I have given birth to my son, lost my grandmother to cancer, made some wonderful friends, lost Elaine my best friends step mother (she was like a mother to me) to cancer, watched my little boy grow for 3 wonderful months, almost lost my little boy to meningitis, reconnected with my husband, almost left my husband due to alcohol abuse, finally got to see my cousin that moved to Australia 8 years ago although I wish it had been for better reasons other then a funeral. So much more has happened but these are the events that stick out the most in my mind. 2009 will definitely be a year that goes down in history for me. And although there have been good times and bad, I look forward to what 2010 has to offer.

I am eternally grateful to you girls for supporting me and helping me get through this year. You have all become like a second family to me. Thank you for letting my into your lives.

How much bull s&%t can one person take

2009-11-01T01:17:00.001-07:00

I love my husband don't get me wrong. But how much pain can one person cause you before you have to say you have had enough. Tonight I realized that I am at that point. And although I hate to say it, I'm tempted to walk away. I don't think I have ever talked about Patrick's drinking before but let me start by saying it's pretty bad. To the point I would call him an alcoholic. In our 6 plus years of being together it has gotten worse each year. To some it's funny to watch him get drunk and act a fool. To others the way he act's is beyond annoying and they can't stand to be around him. I am one of those people that finds it annoying.

Patrick knows no limit. He is not capable of socially sitting down with friend and having a drink or two. He acts like a frat boy every time alcohol is around. I am constantly making excuses for him, but I feel that now with Gage around I need to stop doing that. I want to set an example for my son and the only example I am setting now is that it's ok to drink like a fish and act like a loser. I have tried to talk to Patrick's mom and show her just how bad it can be and she makes the excuse of telling me it's in there blood. I just don't know how much more I can take. Tonight I actually asked him to call his mom and have her come get him. I told him I was done and couldn't take it any more. And it's not a lie, I really am done. I just feel like I have been pushed to far. I am tired of making excuses for him. I know he thinks it's a joke and I will get over it in the morning but it's not. I am just at the end of my rope. He refuses help and feels he doesn't have a problem but I know he does. And I know it's not all in my head. I just never imagined I would get to this point.

Gage was in the hospital, my grandma passed away and other updates

2009-10-25T23:35:00.000-07:00

I have been so bad at blogging but that is mainly because I was out of town for a while with no computer. So where do I begin ...
October has been a horrible month for me. I went to Florida in the beginning of the month because my grandma was released from rehab into home hospice care, and wanted to see Gage before she passed. So we caught the first flight out to see her. Before I go any further let me explain what happened to my grandmother because as some of you may back in May we were told that she had lung cancer but the mass had not spread. She was told by a Dr that she had a long life left and many years left to live. Well about a month after the lymph node biopsy my grandmother started having problems talking, and her energy level dropped. Her feet swelled up and she was having a hard time breathing and functioning. She went back to her Dr who told her to wait it out for 6 months and if she was still having troubled come back. Then in August she got to the point where she couldn't even get out of bed she was in so much pain. My mother and Aunt flew out to Florida to see what was going on and upon there arrival had to rush my grandmother to the hospital. This time the Dr's blamed her heart and decided it was in her best interest to have a pace maker put in. After the surgery they put her into a rehab so that she could learn how to function with the pace maker and walk with a walker. The pace maker did nothing to help my grandmother function and her breathing continued to get worse. My mother keep asking if she had pneumonia and the Dr's insisted it wasn't. Questioning the Dr's at the rehab my mother brought in a new Dr to give a second opinion, and discovered my grandmother did in fact have pneumonia. From the new Dr we learned that the lymph node biopsy must have been botched and in the process they must have harmed her epiglottis so when my grandmother would eat or drink instead of the epiglottis closing so food wouldn't get into her lungs it remained open so everything she ate and drank filled up her lungs causing pneumonia. In addition to that opening my grandmother up for the pace maker surgery cause the cancer to spread to most of her vital organs. At that point my grandmother decided she was ready to die and in the beginning of October she was released from rehab and sent home with home hospice care to pass away. At her request all of the grandchildren were flown out Gage and my nephew Reece included so that my grandmother could see us and have us all by her side to say her final goodbyes. On October 8th my grandmother peacefully passed away with Me, Gage, my Aunt Lynn, my Cousin Randy and my mother by her side. On October 10th (Patrick's birthday) Gage had a temperature of 102.7 and I immediately took him to the Dada county hospital. After an hour waiting in the waiting room we were taken back and told an ambulance would be taking us to West Palm Beach hospital pediatrics unit. One quick ambulance ride later we were rushed back into the ER where Gage was given a spinal to check for Meningitis and an IV with antibiotics and fluids. It took 5 days for his fever to break and at one point I was told by the Dr to prepare for the worst. Patrick was stuck out in Vegas taking care of my little sister while my step father and my mom were attending my grandmothers funeral. So for 5 nights and 6 days I stayed alone in the hospital taking care of Gage. Missing my grandmothers funeral and with no help from family. It was the worst week of my life. The day Gage was released from the hospital I decided to fly home. Dr advised me it was the safest time to fly with him since he had antibiotics in his system, so we took a direct flight home and have been back and recovering since. 2 Days after we got back we got a call from the ER Dr that Gage's spinal showed he had viral meningitis. It was a relief to finally know what was wrong with him. But it broke my heart that my little boy was so sick, Even now that we have been back for alittle over a week Gage still has a horrible cough that keeps me up at night making sure he doesn't choke. I'm just so grateful to be home and have me little boy with me. It has truly been a rough month but now that I am back and things are starting to get back to normal I will make sure to post more often. Also since we have been back Gage had his first set of professional pictures taken I will post those and some pictures of him in the hospital so everyone can see how big he has gotten. I hope everyone is well and I will be catching up on my blog reading this week between Gage's naps.

Time flies when your getting no sleep =)

2009-09-23T12:36:00.001-07:00

Not that I'm complaining though. These past 3 weeks have been amazing and super busy. I never realized getting use to having a baby around took so long. But I love him to death and wouldn't change a thing! We had our first Dr appointment, everything looks great. Gage had his circumcision. That was an experience I never want to go through again!!! Just seeing him in pain broke my heart. He now weighs 7lbs 7oz so he is growing like a weed. His personality is starting to show alittle and he is quite the ham. Patrick and I have nicknames him our little shark because when he is feeding and going to latch on to the bottle be turns his head back and forth like he is attacking something. It's pretty cute if I do say so myself. =) Other then just adjusting to every day stuff things have been great!

Introducing Gage William Rieger

2009-09-07T21:40:00.000-07:00

Born September 1st @ 1:33 p.m. weighing 6lbs 15oz and 19 inches long. So let me explain why he came a day earlier ...

On Tuesday morning I had my appointment with the peri for my amnio. I woke up from what I thought was nerves and realized I was having contractions. They were super far apart so I waited it out until my 9 a.m. Dr appointment. When we arrived I informed the nurse about my contractions and she decided to put me on the monitor and see what was going on. Sure enough I was contracting about 10 minutes apart and they were long and painful. (Some lasting up to 4 minutes.) As the nurse came in to check on me she noticed that during my long contractions Gage's heartbeat dropped from the high 140's to the 60's. With that being said she pulled the printout and went to go show the Dr. Less then 5 minutes later the Dr came in to tell me that the Amnio was not going to take place, instead they were sending me on my way to L&D, where my OB would be waiting for me. With that I was congratulated and pushed out the door. We made a quick stop home for my bags and off we went to the hospital. Once we arrived I was prepped and pushed into the OR. I didn't even have a minute to blink it was all happening so fast. My Dr came in and talked me through the spinal block and less then 20 minutes later I heard the most beautiful noise I had ever heard, Gage crying. I was told to look up only to see my OB holding Gage over the curtain. He was beautiful! They whisked Patrick away to cut the cord and I insisted he go with Gage to the nursery to be cleaned up. The c-section itself went amazingly well. I have to assume since there was no time to be nervous before, it helped ease any stress. Patrick rejoined me in recovery where he showed me pictures of our little boy getting his first bath. I wish I wasn't so drugged up I would have loved to take a picture of Patrick's face. He was glowing and had this big smile from ear to ear. Less then an hour after getting out of recovery I was pushed into my room where I was greeted by a ton of family amazed to see me awake and functioning so well. I had it in my head that if I looked like I was in pain or I was asleep that they wouldn't bring me my baby. So I smiled and pretended that what I had just gone through was no biggy. Thank god for the 24 hour morphine drip or else I would have been in big trouble. When they brought Gage in the room it was alittle odd. I knew he was mine but it was just this odd feeling of is that him is he really my baby??? 6 days later and I still look at him questioning if it's all a dream. He is just so beautiful and amazing. Patrick took control the first night, feeding him and changing his diapers. He really stepped up to the plate. Not that I expected any less of him but just watching him in daddy mode was wonderful. Even now that were home when I wake up with the baby he gets up with me just to make sure that I'm ok. As for the healing from the c-section... Piece of cake! I did not expect to feel as good as I do. I have been take pain pills when necessary. But for the most part I can make it all day without needing anything. What else can I say, I am just so in love with this little boy it just makes everything I went through TTC wise worth it.

Here are some pictures of me little love bug... enjoy!

Holy Cow, Wednesday is almost here!

2009-08-31T16:53:00.000-07:00

I took my last injection of Fragmin last night and tomorrow I go for my Amnio. I am so super duper excited. Wednesday can't come fast enough. I am going to try to post pictures on Gage's baby site from the hospital so feel free to stop in and check. http://www.babysites.com/sites/gagerieger/ if for any reason I can't I will do it on facebook. So for those of you not already friends with me on facebook, feel free to send me a request before 11 a.m. pacific time on Wednesday. http://www.facebook.com/search/?q=Amy+rieger&o=2048&init=ffs#/profile.php?id=560125892&ref=search&sid=560125892.1985297836..1

1 week from today

2009-08-26T15:59:00.000-07:00

I will be holding my little boy in my arms. Yep, that's right my c-section is scheduled for next Wednesday September 2nd at 1:30 p.m. and I couldn't be happier. We were originally planning on Tuesday evening but the hospital couldn't accommodate. I'm alittle sad but it's only a day ... right? Yesterday I meet with my new peri, yep you heard that right new Peri. My OB decided the old one was stressing me out and his lack of communication was just not working for either one of us. So he set me up to go to another Dr in the same practice that happens to be the owner. I have to tell you I love him. He was on point and ready to make a plan as soon as I walked in. Unfortunately for me the hospital could not accommodate our plan so we had to deviate and come up with something new. So my plan is as follows Sunday I take my last fragmin injections, on Tuesday I go to the peri for monitoring and an amnio. If Gage's lungs are developed (and from the ultrasounds they looks fine) I check into the hospital on Wednesday afternoon. And by 1:30 I will be going in for surgery. I'm super freaked out over the c-section but excited that my little boy will be here. As for how Gage is doing, little boy weighs about 6lbs 12oz and his heartbeat was a beautiful 148bpm. His little face still looks as chubby as ever so it's going to be funny to see if he looks like that in real life. His big head is still in the 95th percentile (not that I expected it to get any smaller). Only small issue is his fluids are alittle low but not in a dangerous level. I have been drinking water like it's going out of style, but it doesn't seem to be helping. Well anyway that is the game plan for now. Hopefully it wont change. I will try to get on and update before Wednesday but if for some stupid reason I can't I will post some pictures as soon as I get home.

A quick update ....

2009-08-13T21:48:00.000-07:00

before Patrick yells at me for being out of bed and on the computer. It has been a crazy rough week. Last week we packed up the house and moved everything into storage. We are currently staying at my moms until the people in the house we will be renting move. They are suppose to be out by next weekend.
I have been in and out of the hospital for pre-term labor and am currently being monitored every other day at the Peri's office to monitor Gage's heartbeat as well as contractions. We have had 2 episodes with Gage's heartbeat dropping after strong contractions but no one seems to worry about that other then me and Pat. I lost my plug last Wednesday and I am currently dilate to a 2 and 100% effaced. Other then that I am boring and on bed rest. Patrick has stayed home to take care of me. FMLA is a blessing! But he does yell at me whenever I am on the computer for more then 10 minutes. So having him home isn't always fun. My baby shower was last Saturday and it went extremely well. I got most if not all of the big things I need and now all I need to do is get the nursery all set up. That will happen in due time. I am starting to accept that he might get here before his room is complete. But since he will be in our room for the first month or so I'm ok with that.
I'm sorry for not commenting lately and I promise as soon as I am off bed rest (@ 36 weeks) I will make sure to catch up on my reading. For now know you are all in my thoughts & prayers.

It is what it is

2009-07-30T22:11:00.000-07:00

So my appointment with the peri went as good as can be expected. I am still having contractions but no one seems to be worried about that but me. They refused to check me because they didn't want to irritate my cervix. On a bright note Gage has managed to partially free himself from the cord. It is no longer around his neck but it is still across the front of it. Meaning if he rolls over it will be back around him. But I feel better for the time being thinking that he is partially free. Other then that things are pretty much the same. I still hate the peri and I wish I was far enough along to let Gage come out. But I'm not so with that I guess I have a few more weeks of torture to go.

In other fun news the invitations for my baby shower went out today. Since my sister was slacking my mother and MIL are throwing it for me. We decided to do it on August 8th in fear that Gage was going to come in the very near future. Although I feel bad about the short amount of time I'm giving people to respond I made sure to call everyone and apologize and explain what was going on. No one really seemed to mind, or at least no one said anything to me. And the annoying part, after things were planned my sister called me up asking me to help her book her trip home for that weekend so that she could come. If you ask me she was just trying to get out of throwing it for me. And in addition she had the audacity to tell me that her gift to me for my shower was her coming home. I'm alittle annoyed by this since I always end up spending a ton of money on her (ex: her batchelorette party cost me close to $2k after limo, show tickets, drinks, and strippers. For mine we went to a spa and if cost her all of $400 since she was only paying for herself and me (and we got a locals discount), Her wedding I was only 21 and my boyfriend at the time was living in Korea (military) so I went alone but still ended up giving her $400. For mine she brought a date and neither of them even gave us a card. Her baby shower between food, decorations and a gift I spent over $800, for mine she bought a $460 airline ticket) I could go on but I don't want to sound like I am keeping a running tab although as you can see I am. The sad part of this is she is the older sister and makes alot of money. She always talks a big game about what she's going to do for me and never comes through. You would think by now I would be use to it but it still hurts not to be treated the same as I treat her. The only thing I'm grateful for is that when she comes home she will be bringing Reece with her. And I miss my little boogy so having him around will definitely make things better.

Let the games begin

2009-07-29T13:26:00.000-07:00

So I'm at home relaxing playing on the computer when suddenly it hits me like a ton of bricks. Sharp stabbing pains, strong enough to take my breath away. I do as I was originally told to do when I have cramps and I get a bottle of water to drink and lay in bed on my left side. 30 minutes goes by and the pain does not seem to be going away. So I call my mom who urges me to go to L&D. Realizing the pain I'm in there is no way I could drive the 20 minute drive to the hospital I'm registered for. Makes no sense to drive that far in that much pain when there is a hospital right across the street from me. So I call Patrick who I am unable to get a hold of (he was at work). Get in the car and hope that I can get across the busy intersection and get to the hospital as fast as possible. I pull up to the front and notice the main exit is close because it was after 7. So I drive around the building to emergency and find a parking spot right up front. Beautiful! I enter the hospital holding my belly and hunched over because it feels better standing that way with how sharp the cramps are. The security guard takes one look at me and asks me if I need a wheelchair. No time for that I say back, just point me in the direction of L&D. He walks with me to the elevator and pushes the button for the 3rd floor. Good luck young lady he says as the doors close. I arrive at my floor exit the elevator and walk the few steps to the nurses station. I give her a full summary of whats been going on. I'm having sharp cramps in my back and lower abdomen, I was having contractions Monday but my Dr put me on Procardia to stop them. My baby has a cord around his neck I am on blood thinners and I am in massive pain. Ok hunny she says back. Well we have no beds right now, so I'm going to need you to wait in the waiting room. HUH! Are you kidding me. No dear it shouldn't take to long. So I wobble up to the waiting room and take a seat. Patrick finally calls, I tell him whats going on and he hangs up to try to leave the office and head my way. My mom shows up and spots me in the waiting room and immediately freaks out so she goes in the back to yell at he nurse. I'm in tears when the man sitting next to me says. If you need anything just let me know. I'm one hell of a catcher. I want to laugh but the cramps are killing me. I try to smile back but end up looking evil. My mom returns and with a nurse and a wheel chair and they quickly take me back. I have no idea what my mom said to make them come get me but whatever it was it worked. They bring me back to a delivery room and get me hooked up to a monitor. The nurse doesn't even try to locate Gage's heartbeat she just sticks the sensor wherever and goes to attach the contraction monitor. Well it doesn't look like your having contractions. My mom turns to her and says well it doesn't look like to attached either of the sensors properly. The nurse excuses herself from the room and that was the last we saw of her. 10 minutes later the RN come in the room and re attaches the monitor's. As soon as she puts her hand on my tummy she confirms I am having contractions and they seem pretty strong. She stays with me for a good 10 minutes watching my contractions on the monitor while touching my tummy. Well hunny your contractions are about 2 minutes apart. We are going to have to give you something to stop them. Patrick arrives just in time to hold my hand. The Nurse exits and returns shortly with a shot of Terbutaline. Administers my first injection and stays with me to monitor if it's working or not. 15 minutes later .... nothing. Time for shot number #2 and a dose of Procardia. Within 10 minutes the contractions slow down drastically. And I can finally breath a sigh of relief. All the while Gage's heartbeat was not affected and he responded really well to my contractions. After another hour on the monitor they let me go home to rest. I called my Peri this morning and he told me no need to come in today he will just see me tomorrow. I love the health care system in Nevada. As for today I have been having contractions but they have been very mild and far apart. I go to the Peri tomorrow to monitor Gage and will hopefully get some answers. I can not spend the next few weeks bouncing back and forth between L&D.

What a mess

2009-07-27T19:12:00.000-07:00

I went to the Peri's office to do my twice weekly monitoring and ultrasound to check on the cord. Gage still has it around his neck and from the looks of it he was trying to chew his way through it. Thankfully he has no teeth so that's not going to happen. I was put on the monitor at 9:45 a.m. and after 15 minutes of listening to his heartbeat the nurse came in to check the printout. Her actions made me nervous as she studied the paper. He must be asleep, hmmmm lets give you some juice and see if that wakes him up. She left the room and returned a few moments later with apple juice and a buzzer. First lets try to buzz him and see if he moves. She made three attempts and he didn't even flinch. Well I'm sure the juice will get him going. Drink it as fast as you can and I will be back shortly. She exited the room leaving me to think something must be wrong. 45 minutes went by and no one came to check on me. By this time I was a nervous wreck and in tears calling my mother begging her to come to the office and wait with me. Another 15 minutes later and with my mom on the road heading my way the nurse returned. She again studied the printout and excused herself. By this time I was sure something was not right. Another nurse returned and asked me how long I had been having contractions. I'm not having contractions I replied. I have been having period like cramps off and on for the past week but every time I came in and asked the Dr if that was contractions he told me no, it was just the babies big head on my pelvis. Well sure enough I was having contractions and they were pretty close together. They immediately took me into an exam room and did a fibronectin test and checked my cervix. I am officially 80% effaced and not dilated. To combat the contractions I was put on Procardia and then sent home to over analyze every cramp, twinge or lack of movement. The Procardia makes me feel like crap and I can still feel the cramps. But when the nurse called to give me the results of the fibronectin test and I informed her of that she just acted like I didn't know what I was talking about. On the up side the test came back negative. On the down side I now have no clue if I should worry or not. I let the nurse know that Gage was still not moving around and her answer to me was if his movements slow down any more to go L&D. I quickly said well whats slower then nothing??? And her answer was well you'll know. So great now I get to be worried and become a psychic? I mean I know my body but I can not guess whats going on. If only I had x-ray vision. My mom has spent the remainder of my day by my side taking care of me and making sure I was ok. She finally got to see first hand how big of a group or idiots I'm dealing with. So that's my update for now. The procardia is kicking my ass and I need to lay down but I will make sure to update when I have more news. For now lets hope that the fibronectin test was right and I am not going to g into labor in the next 2 weeks. But my luck it will be wrong and he will be here before I can blink.

After a long weekend of nerves

2009-07-27T00:12:00.000-07:00

So on Saturday night I went to L&D to talk to my OB. I had to wait over an hour to see him but after I told the nurse what was going on, she put me on the monitor so I could hear Gage's heartbeat and know he was ok. Dr G (my OB) showed up and had a baby to deliver but came in to reassure me he would be in as soon as possible to talk to me and find out what was going on. When he came into the room I quickly explained what I had been told by the Peri. Dr G had no idea and was pretty mad the that Peri didn't call him and talk to him about it. So together we listened to Gage's heartbeat and spent about 2 hours counting his movements. In those 2 hours we only recorded 3 movements. Then Dr G had the nurse bring me some juice and cookies to see if the sugar would get him going, but no such luck. We decided to take everything day by day. If I don't feel a movement and the time exceeds 3-4 hours at most I am to go to L&D immediately. After every appointment with the Peri I am to call and report back to Dr G on what the findings are. Dr G is also going to request copies of the ultrasound pic's so he can see the cord around Gage's neck, and check if it's wrapped more then one time. If so our plans will more then likely be to deliver in the very near future. I have to admit I feel a million times better after talking to Dr G. He has such great bedside manors and always knows how to make me feel better. Plus he talks to you like a friend and not just a Dr. I have total faith that Dr G will make sure we make it through this nightmare and walk away with a healthy little boy. Tomorrow I go in to the Peri's office for another ultrasound and to sit on the monitor for a half hour or so. I just pray that by some miracle Gage found a way on his own to get this cord off his neck. For now I'm going to try to get some sleep although I am sure it will end up being another sleepless night.

Going to stalk my Dr at the hospital.

2009-07-25T18:36:00.001-07:00

I called over to the hospital and found out my OB was on call tonight. So since he never called me back I am going to go up there and talk to him, and let him now what is going on. He will give me a better indication of what to do or how worried to be. He is a much better people person then the peri. Hopefully I will walk away feeling alittle relieved. I can't have another sleepless night worried that if I turn a certain way I am going to pull on the cord around Gage's neck. I know it's unlikely but I need my Dr to tell me everything is going to be ok.

Chele, I'm going to make sure that I can have a meeting set up between both Dr's as well. We all need to be on the same page and I need an emergency plan set up. Lets just hope and pray that Gage untangles himself in the mean time.

Lauren, I will be 33 weeks tomorrow. There has been no talk about moving the date up but that is because the Peri doesn't make the decisions only my OB does. I would hope the Peri called my OB on Friday to keep him informed. But he is such a jack ass there is a chance he didn't.

I will post an update as soon as I get back tonight and let you girls know what my OB says.

Worried about Gage

2009-07-24T21:00:00.000-07:00

I went to the Peri today for an ultrasound. Gage looked wonderful with his cute chubby cheeks. His head measured in the 95th percentile and he was in fact head down. His estimated weight 5 lbs 2 oz. Now for the bad news ... Gage has his cord wrapped around his neck. The Dr tried to play it off like it was no big deal but I'm freaked out. Over the last week or so Gage's movement has drastically slowed down. I let the Dr know and he said that was common in the 3T. Everything I have read states the opposite. They put me on the monitor for a about 30 minutes to check Gage's heart and see if I was having contractions and everything looked great. I am just so worried that something is going to happen to him with his cord around his neck. I wish they would let me deliver him now, even though it's early at least I know he would be safer on the outside. I tried to call me OB after the appointment but he never called back. I go back to the peri Monday morning and will continue to see him twice a week until Gage is born. I just don't know how I'm going to get through the weekend this worried.

Gage's website

2009-07-23T12:41:00.001-07:00

I put together a little baby sites page for Gage so that I can post lots of pictures and updates on how he is doing. Feel free to check it out
http://www.babysites.com/sites/gagerieger/

Hormones of disaster

2009-07-22T11:47:00.000-07:00

Yep that's right I have hormones of disaster. Yesterday I was depressed because of everything that is going on, I spent the most part of my day in bed crying and sulking. I don't know where this overwhelming feeling of depression has come from but hopefully it won't stick around to long. Then last night I was combative. I got online to facebook just to find something to do, and found myself getting into a fight with my cousin's husband over him poking fun at my sister. I have to tell you I am not to crazy about my cousins husband, he is kind of a douche bag. And I think I was looking for a reason or an opportunity to get into a fight with him. As soon as that moment presented itself I jumped on him like a lunatic. I have to admit it was pretty fun to put him in his place. As soon as that moment passed I was back to being depressed. Today I am all over the place, for the first time in a long time I had to pull myself out of bed and force myself to get my day going.

Molly has been super clingy and getting on my last nerve. I know she means well but if I could have a minute to pee in privacy without her either crying by the door to get in or trying to sit on my lap I would really appreciate it. Patrick keeps calling to check on me and that is really starting to bug me. I just don't know what my deal is today. I think I need a break from everything right now, if only I had the time to take a vacation!

32 Week Dr appointment ...

2009-07-21T11:05:00.000-07:00

and still no induction date. I'm super bummed. Gage is doing great. He had a nice strong heartbeat and all is well. I on the other hand am measuring in at 37 weeks. Holy crap! I guess that explains why I am so uncomfortable. So the plan is, starting Friday I go to the peri twice a week for a fetal assessment. To check the placenta and just check on Gage in general to make sure that the blood thinners and thyroid meds don't make him go into fetal distress. I am just so stressed that something is going to go wrong. My injections scare the crap out of me in fear that I'm going to go into labor on my own and they take 24 hours to get out of my system. I'm getting super freaked out about labor & delivery. And in addition I have nothing ready for the baby. We are still planning on moving in 2 weeks. I haven't found a house, I haven't picked up the baby furniture and obviously have not gotten his room together. My sister is procrastinating with my baby shower trying to plan it around what mood she's in. I am just an all out mess right now, I could just cry! I already know these next few weeks are going to be hell. Hopefully something will work out in my favor.

House hunting stinks!

2009-07-18T12:52:00.000-07:00

When I'm looking at houses for my clients I am alittle more open minded, but with us looking for a home we like I am being super picky. Every house we have looked at needs work. And I just don't have the time to buy a project house. Nothing is move in ready and the homes that are, sell almost overnight. I think I am at the point of apartment hunting. As much as I want our own home I'm just running out of time. Stress is taking over and I just can't be this stressed this far along in my pregnancy. Besides that it has been about 112 degrees the past few days and being about 8 months pregnant in that kind of heat is draining, and not healthy. So I plan on continuing my day looking at rental homes online and checking out a few apartments over the net as well. I officially give up!

Mosquito's everywhere!

2009-07-13T13:30:00.000-07:00

It's like a bad joke. Thursday night I noticed a bug in our bedroom while we were in bed watching TV. So Patrick got up turned on the lights tracked down the bug and killed it. We thought that was it until I went into the bathroom and noticed 3 more. So like the man of the house that he is, Patrick caught and killed all 3 bugs and decided to look around the house for more. He found another 6 in the kitchen, 2 in the down stairs bathroom, 2 in the guest bedroom and 3 in the guest bathroom. We were on a mission for a good 4 hours tracking down bugs. Where they were coming from, we haven't a clue. We thought that was it so off to bed we went. I woke up early because I was super itchy and that is when I noticed I had been bit on my hands, arms, back, legs, face .... etc. Patrick was luckier then me since he had only been bit on his leg and back. We again started looking for bugs and sure enough we found plenty more.

You have to understand in Vegas it is very uncommon to find mosquito's unless there is standing water near by. But in our situation there isn't. To find this many mosquito's is just odd. So I called the exterminator who told me in order to get rid of this many mosquito's he would have to bug bomb the house. Meaning we would have to leave the house for at least 8 plus hours. So on Saturday we took off to my mothers while the exterminator did his thing. Patrick now has it in his head that it is a sign that we should stop trying to buy this house and really push forward with buying either a new house from a builder or a bank owned. Not that I would mind having a brand new house but it's 110 degrees and moving just does not sound like fun right about not. But to make Patrick happy tomorrow I have made appointments to go look at afew houses. Hopefully they will all be mosquito free.

Better then I expected

2009-07-06T19:50:00.000-07:00

The judge was female and was very sympathetic to my situation. She heard me out and after hearing about how the attorney's office had someone break in back into the house back in March and change the locks on me she wanted to hear nothing from the banks attorney. It was a great victory for me. The attorney on behalf of the bank asked I be evicted effective immediately and the judge refused. Granting me the 30 days I need to either find another home or work out a deal with the bank to buy this house. She even advised the attorney to have there client call me to try to work out a purchase option. I am very surprised with the outcome but very happy. I was so nervous going in front of all of the people waiting to have there case be heard. I am super bad at public speaking but the judge made me feel very comfortable and in the end it worked out way better then I expected.

Court Tomorrow

2009-07-05T22:11:00.000-07:00

Yep that is right I have court tomorrow at 1:30 p.m. to see if the judge will grant me a 30 day extension. It's me vs the bank, hopefully I will get lucky but right now I am not feeling to great about this entire situation. Ideally I want to buy this house but the bank and there attorney refuse to acknowledge me. They are trying to avoid a cash for keys situation But I don't want cash I just want the house. No matter how many times I try to explain that they just are not hearing me. So tonight I have prepared a ton of paperwork to bring with me to court as well as a purchase agreement and a check for the earnest deposit. Hopefully if I walk in and wave money in there face they will take me seriously. Doubtful, but a girl can dream right. If I walk away a loser tomorrow I should be granted at least 10 days to vacate. That leaves me with 10 days to find a rental or try to buy something and close fast. I could pull off the closing fast since the bank doing my loan is a direct lender and a good friend of mine. She has guaranteed me loan docs in 24 hours if I find something I like and have an acceptance in hand. Anyway fingers crossed that when I wobble into court tomorrow the judge takes pity on my and is at least fair with his decision.

I am exhausted

2009-06-29T15:42:00.001-07:00

All I want to do is sleep. This weekend I had my first of what I call cravetastrophe. It was about midnight and we were watching TV when a commercial for pizza hut came on. All of a sudden I had to have pizza., So I asked Patrick to order me one. He thought I was joking and started laughing at me telling me how funny I was. But I was not joking I was dead serious, I wanted pizza and I wanted it at that exact moment. In my moment of craziness I started crying uncontrollably I remember flailing my arms like a baby and telling him how big of a jerk he was. I turned over to face away from him and fell right to sleep. The next morning, (or should I say afternoon since I didn't wake up until almost 11:30) I felt so bad for the way I acted I could not even look Patrick in the face. Thankfully I have a great husband who made light of the situation and made sure to get me pizza for diner that night. I have to tell you I have had little to no cravings throughout this pregnancy. Half the time the thought of food grosses me out and I have to force myself to eat. But as I am getting near the end, all I think about now is food. I have managed to loose 20 lbs while pregnant and only regain 6 of the 20 lost. Meaning I am still down 14 lbs from my before pregnancy weight. I have had such amazing self control and now I feel like I am making up for it.

On the house front we have had no luck finding anything we like. And when we do find houses we like they have to many offers to try to beat out. I did get served paper work on our rental stating there is a hearing date set up for July 6th. My attorney and I are going to show up at court and make sure the bank acknowledges that there is a tenant in place and that I am interested in buying the house. Hopefully now we can start getting somewhere with the bank and can buy this house. It would be much easier to buy then attempting to move right about now. Other then that I am boring. Hopefully something exciting will happen this week and I can have a new exciting post. But for now it's 4 p.m. and I need a nap.

28 weeks and some new pictures of Gage

2009-06-20T22:32:00.000-07:00

7 Months today, can you believe it! I never thought I would make it this far, with our history of bad luck and just the sheer denial I was in that it was never going to happen. But here I am 7 months, still alittle cautions that this is all a dream and I am going to wake up and be disappointed. To mark the day Patrick, my mother, my sister, my nephew, my MIL and my Step FIL went as a family to watch me have a 3d ultrasound. It was truly amazing looking at our little boys features. From his chubby cheeks to his daddy's nose it was amazing to see. With all of the space this little boy has to move around he insists on being down as low as possible. And the funniest part of that, after watching him for about 45 minutes you could tell he really enjoys being folded up with his feet in his face. He was a sight to see. After the first 20 minutes or so you could see his attitude come out. He started acting like we were invading his privacy and started covering his face as much as possible. Even his expressions started to change and you could see his angry face. I am attaching the best of the pictures that were taken. I would attach them all but that would take all day =)

Happy 86th B-day grandma

2009-06-17T18:53:00.000-07:00

After all that she has gone through, I am so glad to be able to wish my grandmother a happy 86th birthday.

Thank you Chele

2009-06-16T21:53:00.000-07:00

Yesterday before my L&D debacle I received a package from Chele filled with lots of goodies for Gage. It was such an amazing gesture I just had to share. Here are some pictures of all the fun stuff we received.

Thank you so much Chele for all of the wonderful goodies. Words can not describe how touched I was when I opened the box and saw all of the clothing, books, towels and toys you had sent. You have been an amazing support system to me throughout my 2 1/2 years of TTC and now through my pregnancy. I am truly blessed to call you my friend.

My first trip to L&D

2009-06-16T21:38:00.001-07:00

Yep that's right I did something really stupid and landed myself in Labor and Delivery. So here is the story ...

Saturday night I get a call from my cousin to go bowling. Thinking nothing of it Patrick and I decide to go. Originally I decided not to play but somehow get talked into it. I finish my first game with the best score I have ever received in bowling a 143. ( I know not good but for me, I usually never break 100) then we start the second game I make it 3 frames in and start getting super exhausted. By the end of the 10th frame I am in pain. My back is clicking like something is rubbing and I just hurt all over. Patrick and I go home and go to sleep, and when I wake in the morning I can barely walk. Everything hurts and all I wanted to so way lay in bed. My pelvis is super swollen and even doing something as simple as going to the bathroom to tinkle hurts like hell. Patrick convinces me I must just be sore since it has been 3 months since I had gone bowling previously. So I spend the day in bed. The following morning I am still hurting pretty bad. So I make the call to my OB who quickly tells me to go to L&D to have my back & pelvis checked out. We arrive I get checked in and hooked up to a monitor, my OB comes down to check on my and tells me that the cartilage in my back must have bent alittle and that is the cause of the clicking in my back. As for my pelvis, just the act of bowling itself must have irritated it. The nurse informs me that during pregnancy your body secrets a hormone that softens the cartilage in your body to help the baby pass through your pelvis and the birth canal. Had I known that before I would have opted out of bowling. They give me a shot of morphine and send me on my way. By the time we reach my house I am completely drugged out of my head and can barely make it up the steps to my room. By 5:30 p.m. I am completely passed out only to wake this morning at 10:30. I have been in and out of sleep for most of the day. And that is my exciting story for the day =)

My friends I need your help

2009-06-12T15:59:00.000-07:00

I have never asked for anything like this, but then again I have never needed to. I have a good friend in a rough situation, he fell in love with and married a woman that was in the country on a student and then work visa. They have been together for quite some time now and in 2006 decided to get married. They later renewed there vows in a destination wedding in the Dominican Republic not thinking they would have trouble coming back to the US and sure enough she was not aloud access and put on a 3 year block meaning for no reason during the next 3 years is she aloud to enter the US. That was a year ago and since then they have been fighting tooth and nail to get that ban removed and have her return to the country being she is married to a US citizen. My good friend Le'Von for the past year has been paying countless attorneys and outrageous fees trying his hardest to make something happen. He has been traveling back and forth from California to Norway for the past year reluctant to leave his wife's side as the stress of the situation is taking a toll on her. Recently they found out they were having a baby and that lifted there spirits enough to push alittle harder so that the baby can be born in the USA. On Monday she had a meeting at the US consulates office in Norway where she was not only treated horribly she was again denied access back to the US. The representative even had the nerve to tell her she was better off having the baby in Norway (like anyone was asking this woman for her opinion with this very personal matter). My friend Le'Von and I put together a petition that we just started spreading around. In hopes that it will accomplish something to help with this matter. Our goal is 1 thousand signatures. And I know that if we push hard enough we can make that happen. I know some of you already signed after reading my post on facebook (Chele I really appreciate that). I ask that if nothing else you read Le'Von's letter and hear the full story of what he and Danielle are and have been going through and you make the decision at that point to sign or not sign. I will not hold it against anyone if they choose not to.

Thank you for taking to time to read this =)
Amy

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/Bring-Danielle-Purvis-Warr-Home

It's almost time to say goodbye

2009-06-11T19:14:00.000-07:00

This coming week is my nephews last week living in Nevada. Come Monday the 22nd his new home will be Tennessee. I map quested it, and from my front door to my sisters new apartment is exactly 2075.08 miles. Now don't get me wrong, I'll miss my sister as well. But not as much as I will miss Reece. Hopefully in a year after my sisters job contract is over she will come back. But I'm not going to get my hopes up to high. I'm really going to miss his cute little face and his wild little personality. I just never in my wildest thought that my sister would actually move so far away from her family. All I can do in the mean time is continue to spend as much time with him as possible and hope that he doesn't forget his Aunt Amy.

Reece and Molly playing in his baby pool

Reece playing at the splash park

Happy Birthday Sabrina

2009-06-04T13:02:00.000-07:00

Today is my youngest sisters 15th birthday. I can't believe she's fifteen already. She has been through so much in her short life and it still amazes me that she turned out as well as she did.

Here is alittle background on all that she has been through. (First off it's important for you to know before reading this that she is not my blood sister, she is my stepfathers daughter from a previous relationship.) Back in 1993 my stepfather was dating a woman that had become pregnant with my stepsister. At the time she just disappeared and did not tell him that they had conceived a child together. On June 4th 1994 my stepsister was born and my stepfather was named on the birth certificate. (At the time the father did not have to be present to be listed on the birth certificate) Shortly after my stepfather ran into the ex while she was out with Sabrina and that is when he first learned he was a father. He had tried on many occasions to visit and spent time with my sister but the ex would have none of it. She was constantly moving and he was always unable to locate her. Later she married and had two other children (2 little boys). At one point she contacted my stepfather and asked him to sign away his rights so that her new husband could adopt Sabrina. My stepfather refused and insisted on seeing Sabrina to no avail. Years went by with no contact between the two, and while my father continued to search for her he never had any luck. In 2005 my stepfather was served child support papers while at work and eagerly responded. He went to court on the assigned date to see about getting some sort of custody and to his disbelief learned of all the horrible things my little sister had gone through. Her mother and the man she had married had divorced. Her mother had become a hooker and a drug user and was randomly dropping Sabrina and her two brothers off at a local burger king that had a play center inside. Finally after years of doing this she just never came back and the kids were taken by the state to be put in foster care. At the time we had learned of this, Sabrina and her brothers were in there 2nd foster home living only 5 miles from where we lived at the time. Two months of paper work and Sabrina was taken from the foster home and able to come live with my mother and step father. Unfortunately since the boys were un related to us they would not allow us to take them as well. They remained in the foster home for a year before they were able to be adopted. Both boys were adopted out to the same home but the older one Kenneth tried to kill himself and was quickly removed and placed in a mental facility, where he remains today. The younger of the boys James was adopted by a gay man with lots of money that has since spoiled him rotten and given the life he deserves. As for Sabrina she has had to overcome alot in her 4 years of living with her father and my mother. Although she has many more years of therapy to cope with all that she has been through and all that she has seen, she has still turned out to be a wonderful person. And I am proud to call her my little sister.

Changes

2009-05-30T09:17:00.000-07:00

So much has been changing in these past few weeks it's getting alittle overwhelming for me.

First with my Peri moving and me having to switch to another Dr in the practice.

Second was my due date change. Although it was only moved up 5 days I am starting to feel overwhelmed. Especially since my primary OB confirmed the 3 week early induction when I saw him on Tuesday. I feel like time is just ticking away. I have so much to do and not enough time.

Third is my sister moving to Tennessee with my nephew. I have not spoken about this at all because I haven't wanted to confront the fact that she's leaving me and moving super far away. I guess I have no choice but to face the facts since the movers came yesterday and she started driving today. My nephew is going to stay with my parents for 2 weeks while she waits for the furniture to be delivered and gets situated. Not getting to see him all the time is going to kill me. But for the next 2 weeks I'm going to pick him up every day from day care and suck up as much quality time as possible. We might even skip a day of daycare and have a fun play day.

Fourth change is the house hunt. We have some offers out and if all goes as planned we could be out of this house before the end of June. I'm super excited about moving into our own home but I hate moving and I know it is going to be miserable being pregnant and over 100 degrees outside.

Fifth is we are looking for a new car. Benny (my car) is not big enough for a family, and although that car is my baby I know it's time for a change. Having a sporty car was fun pre kids but I know it will never work once Gage is here.

And finally just the change of having a family is starting to freak me out. What if I'm not a good mom. I know I'm a good mom to Molly but she is a dog and lets be honest I can't do to much damage to her. But a baby on the other hand, so many things can go wrong. I was not the best of kids especially when I hit my teenage years. What if my kid is worse then I was. Oh gosh I would be in for massive trouble.

Am I overreacting?

2009-05-21T13:30:00.000-07:00

A friend of Patrick's is having a baby with his wife. This will make baby number 2 for them. There first is only 2 years old and is a boy, and the one on the way is a boy as well. The wife is not the most friendly of people, and I have tried on numerous occasions to befriend her since our husbands use to be such good friend. But she never reciprocated, and I gave up on trying. At the time there first child was born they decided to have a co-ed baby shower since the wife really has no female friend other then her sister in law and well that's pretty much it. Patrick attended the shower while I was out of town for work and in his excitement spent over $200 buying a bunch of stuff from there registry. No biggy since they were his friends. Two years later we have not been invited to ANY of there son's birthday parties and Patrick has pretty much lost contact with the friend. They speak at most every 3-6 months if that.

Well yesterday I went to check the mail and saw an invite to there baby shower. It completely pissed me off. 1. Because I think it's kind of greedy to register for gifts and have a baby shower when this is your second child, and they are so close together in age. And 2. Why would you invite me to your shower when A) your not my friend and B) our husbands don't even talk any more. Am I being totally ridiculous?

Update on my grandmother, and what I have been up to.

2009-05-19T14:05:00.000-07:00

First I will update the great news on my grandmother. The results on her biopsy show that the cancer has NOT spread to her lymph nodes. While she does still have a mass in her lungs they are not as concerned since it has not spread. The Dr did want to remove the mass but agreed a surgery like that on an 85 year old woman is to complicated. Thankfully the cancer is not taking over and doesn't need to be treated aggressively. So that was great to hear. You should see just how fast a semi good diagnosis has changed me grandmothers outlook. She pretty much automatically went back to her old spunky ways, and I am very thankful for that.

I have been working like a dog these past few day and have just been so exhausted. All I want to do when I come home is sleep. Thankfully the insomnia I was having is pretty much gone, although there are times at night where I wake up and have a hard time falling back to sleep. I am just thankful to be getting sleep so I will just stop complaining. We did purchase the bedroom furniture for Gages room. Although we are still looking for a house to put it into. ;) I'm hoping I can work something out with the bank and just buy the house we are in now. But we shall see! We have also been looking into a new family car, although Patrick and I have our eyes set on totally different cars. We will see who wins that battle. So as you can see there are alot of changes in the making over these next few months and I could not be happier. Now if only I could change where we live for the next few months, this 100 degree weather is kicking my butt!

Due date change and update on Gage

2009-05-12T12:36:00.000-07:00

I had an appointment with my high risk OB today to check on Gage and everything went really well. Gage now weighs a full pound and from his measurements the Dr moved my due date up to the 13th of September. They did an echo cardiogram on his heart and said everything looks wonderful. He had a nice strong heartbeat of 158 bpm. As always Gage was all over the place making it hard for the ultrasound tech and Dr to get a good look at him. At one point the ultrasound tech pushed on him trying to get him to turn around and he pushed back like he had a real bad attitude. My Peri dropped a bomb on me that he was moving in the next month to Texas so he was no longer going to be my Dr. I was alittle sad as he and I have been in agreement as far as my treatment and plans for delivery. He did agree to call my primary OB and go over our plan (I guess we will see how well that works out). We did go over the risks and possible complication during labor and I have to admit I am alittle freaked out. I was totally unaware that it takes 24 hours for the fragmin to leave your system and if I happen to go into labor while it is still in my system or god forbid I need a c-section an epidural will not work. We also went over the risk of hemorrhaging during labor and that alone scares the daylights out of me. Although not high I still have a 3 % risk. As if having insomnia for over a week now wasn't bad enough I now have all of this information going through my head.

Florida trip on hold ='(

2009-05-06T21:29:00.000-07:00

I was planning on going to Florida for Mothers day to see my grandmother, but was just informed that the idea of me flying while pregnant is stressing my grandmother out and making her shingles worse. It's not the pregnancy that freaks her out, it's the fact that I'm on the blood thinners that has her worried. Since the biopsy on her lymph nodes is this Friday we agreed that I would wait until she gets her results and then we would plan from there. I just hate having to wait. The thought of never seeing her again is killing me. And although I know that things are not going to go down hill that fast. In the back of my mind, I know that there is a risk of her not being around when Gage is born. I just hate this!!!!!!

Gage's first outfit

2009-04-29T18:53:00.000-07:00

Over the weekend I went looking at baby furniture and found the cutest little outfit. I couldn't help myself I had to buy it. The little tail on it cracks me up.

3rd OB check up ... complete

2009-04-28T14:29:00.000-07:00

I went today for my 3rd OB check up, so far ... so good! We listen to Gage's heartbeat for a minute on the doppler and my Dr said everything sounded great. After loosing alittle over 15 lbs (thank you morning sickness) I have finally gained a whopping 3 lbs. I tried to discus setting my induction date with my Dr, but it seems my OB and my peri are having a difficult time making a consistent plan. My OB thinks I should switch to heparin and wait to go naturally or be induces 4 days before I'm due. And my Peri thinks that heparin is a horrible idea since there are so many cases of contaminated and poisonous heparin coming from China. His plan was to induce me around 37 weeks and take me off the fragmin 2 days before. They both also disagree on if I should have a regular delivery or a c-section. Thank god I have over 4 months left!

I was really hoping to walk away with a set date so that I can buy my grandmother the airline ticket for mothers day. But from the looks of it now I won't have anything set in stone until atleast the end of June. Oh well!

Zombie Chicken Award

2009-04-28T12:42:00.001-07:00

One of my best TTC friends Lynn gave me this Zombie Chicken Award. Lynn was one of my first friends on the ivillage TTC board and always helped me get though the best and worst of times. She will forever remain in my heart! Although I know the TTC road has been very hard on her, I know that she will be a mommy to her own children one day soon. For now she will just have to continue being one of the best step mothers that I know.

"The blogger who receives this award believes in the Tao of the zombie chicken - excellence, grace and persistence in all situations, even in the midst of a zombie apocalypse. These amazing bloggers regularly produce content so remarkable that their readers would brave a raving pack of zombie chickens just to be able to read their inspiring words. As a recipient of this world-renowned award, you now have the task of passing it on to at least 5 other worthy bloggers. Do not risk the wrath of the zombie chickens by choosing unwisely or not choosing at all…"

Now I've awarded this fancy award to:

1. Amber

2. Bonnie

3. Candi

Patrick gave in =)

2009-04-24T13:46:00.000-07:00

After a long week of stress & depression over my grandmother, Patrick decided to do something really amazing for me. He came to me last night while I was laying in bed and asked me how Gage was doing. He said after thinking it over he really likes the name.
We also decided that when we go back to the Dr we are going to talk to him about setting the induction date. Since I have to be induced early because of the blood thinners I figure having a set date can only help my grandmother plan her trip to Vegas or our trip to Florida (if need be). I am a very organized person so not having a plan is driving me crazy! After the date is set my plan is to buy my grandmother an airline ticket and when I go out for mothers day I going to surprise her with it.
Now I just have to hope that Gage doesn't decide to come any earlier then the induction date!

Rough couple of days

2009-04-22T12:17:00.001-07:00

the 18th marked the due date of our lost bean. It was a sad day but I managed to make it through with my sanity intact. I expected the day to be so much worse but I think with everything else going on right now my mind was elsewhere. Friday I had a Dr's appointment. The baby looked great and as always he was all over the place. Patrick was able to go with me this time to see our little guy. This was the first ultrasound he had seen of our little boy since he started looking like a baby. It was really fun watching his face as he saw our little boy moving around. I started having some contraction like pains on Thursday night so it was a good thing I had that appointment on Friday. After doing an internal ultrasound my Dr informed me I have a cyst on my cervix and that is likely what is causing the contractions. But my cervix is still closed up and looking good. So the new rule is when I feel contractions I have to get in bed and stay there until they are fully gone. Sunday night I got a phone call that my little sister (who is 14) and my older sister (who is 31) were in a all out war with one another. Patrick asked me not to go over there but as always I didn't listen. Long story short there fight was way way way out of hand. At one point my little sister decided she wanted to run away, she ran to my parents closet to get a suit case and I followed her to calm her down. I was trying to snatch the bag out of her hands when she elbowed me in the tummy. I stood there in shock and she ran out the front door and took off. It took me over an hour of driving around to find her hiding in an alley. She felt so bad for elbowing me, and knowing it was an accident I forgave her. I just can't believe a 31 year old would fight with a 14 year old like that. It is absolutely ridiculous! Lucky for me I can now feel my little guy moving around so I could tell he was alright. But now Patrick is mad at her for not being more careful around me. Hopefully he doesn't hold a grudge to long. As if all of this mess was not bad enough, I got the call yesterday that I was dreading. The mass in my grandmothers lungs is in fact a tumor. Now they are going to go back in and do a biopsy of her lymph nodes so see if it has spread. The oncologist already feels that it has so this is pretty much just a confirmation for him. It just pains me, that this is how she is going to die. My grandmothers wishes are to not undergo treatment, she feels like chemo would be to hard on her body and I have to agree that at 85 years old it is. But I am just not ready to say goodbye any time soon. I know it sounds silly but I just never imagined her not being around. The only thing she keeps saying to me is that she wants to be around long enough to see the baby. And I can only hope and pray that she gets her wish. Only issue I have now is, will she be ok to fly all the way from Florida to Las Vegas for when he's born? I can only hope so. I talked to my mom about possibly finding a Dr out in Florida to deliver the baby. Thinking maybe I can just go out there when I'm 35 weeks and staying until he's born. But with seeing a high risk OB and my regular OBGYN I don't know how well that would work out. My only other option is flying out when he is pretty much new born. I know it's not the best idea but I am just out of options here. In the mean time, I plan on doing alot of traveling back and forth to Florida to go spend as much time as possible with my grandmother. First trip is planned for around mothers day weekend. (As long as my OB clears me to travel.)

Something to live for

2009-04-13T15:10:00.000-07:00

My grandmother has recently fallen ill. What started off as a case of the shingles on her back and tummy has tuned into much more. When she went to the Dr he decided to do an ex-ray. His findings ... A mass on my grandmothers lungs. For the past few days she has had to undergo more testing and discomfort then any 85 year old should ever have to go through. The stress of all of the tests has made it impossible for her shingles to go away. And that is only adding to her discomfort. Yesterday when I spoke to her on the phone I could tell that everything going on was depressing her. And just hearing her in pain broke my heart. At one point during our conversation she said " If I don't get to see the baby I just want you to know that I love him very much." Just hearing her talk like that kills me. I immediately responded with "Grandma your 85 years old and have always been in perfect health I'm sure you will be around when he's born." My grandmother quickly responded well it's something for me to look forward to and live for. When we hung up the phone all I could do was cry. She is the only grandparent I have left. She's 85 and spunky, hasn't been sick with more the a cold in years, and has never had any health issues. Listening to her sound like she has given up without even knowing if she has cancer or not is one of the worst feeling in the world.

Me and Grandma Bea at my wedding September 15, 2006

Confession (I did a really stupid thing)

2009-04-11T15:33:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a dream about and ex of mine. It was really random and ended up making me very emotional. (Gotta love pregnancy hormones) Long story short basically the dream was that we were still together and I was pregnant with his baby. Exactly as far along as I am now. Everything was great and then one day there was a random accident and he died. That's when I woke up crying. The dream felt so real. And all day it has been giving me this feeling of depression. Now mind you we dated back when I was 17 and I am now 28. But he was my first love and well first everything (if you know what I mean). For some reason I decided to look him up on facebook and sure enough there he was. Looking like an older version of what I remember him looking like. Without thinking I requested him as a friend. After I hit the send button I immediately felt guilty. I spoke to a friend of mine who tried to tell me that what I did was not as bad as I feel since we were really good friends even after we stopped seeing one another. But she thinks the reason I am dreaming about him is because of unresolved feelings. I totally disagree with that. I think it's just because my hormones are making me nutty. Plus he was my first and they say you never forget your first. Am I making this a bigger deal of this then it really is? Or did I just do a really really stupid thing?

Can't agree on a name

2009-04-09T23:50:00.000-07:00

Patrick and I have not been able to agree on a name. We have come up with a top 4 but there is just one name that I am in love with and one name he loves more then the rest. Here's our list, I would love to hear what you ladies think.

1. Gage William
2. Paxton Brian
3. Heath ...
4. Logan ...

Gage William is my favorite, and here is my reason why. When I was younger my grandfather and I use to love watching scary movies together. One night we rented Pet Cemetery I will never forget that night. My parents, sister, grandmother, grandfather and of course myself sat down to watch, throughout the entire movie all my grandfather did was laugh. He thought the movie was just the funniest thing ever. I can still remember his cackle. He loved the little boy in the movie named Gage. He thought Gage was just to cute to be scary. From that moment on the name Gage stuck in my head. Not to long after that my grandfather passed away. I had always intended on naming my first son David after my grandfather. But being the last of four grand children to have a baby my sister used the name when naming my nephew Reece David. So when trying to find a name for our baby I automatically went to the name Gage because if I couldn't name the baby after my grandfather I at least wanted a name that reminded me of him. As for the name William I felt it was only fair to pick Patrick's Grandfathers name and use it for the babies middle.

Paxton Brian is Patrick's favorite, mainly because Paxton starts with a P and Brian is his middle name. So Patrick and the baby would share the same initials PBR.

We decided against having a Patrick Jr because of an identity theft issue that I will blog more about later on. We just didn't want to risk any of the crap on Patrick's credit report from the ID theft to accidentally end up on the babies credit. That and we wanted to make sure that the person who stole Patrick's identity didn't do the same to our son.

So let me know what you girls think, out of the 4 names what one do you like the most??? I will post a poll on the right side of my page for everyone to vote.

It's a ........

2009-04-02T00:15:00.001-07:00

BOY! Yeahhhhh. Patrick is over the moon with excitement, and just watching him gloat over his little boy, it's just an amazing feeling. I decided that I couldn't wait until the 17th of April. I just had to know now. So I scheduled an appointment at an ultrasound place that said they could tell the sex around 15 weeks and figured it was worth the $60. And that it was! I am just so amazed at the pictures of his little hands and feet. (As well as the one of his little pee pee.) I guess now that I can stop calling him an it means it's time to pick a name.

Happy 1st Birthday Reece

2009-03-29T20:55:00.000-07:00

Today was my nephews 1st birthday, so yesterday we had a party at the park for him. I was so much fun watching him run around and play with all of his little friends. I thought I would share some pic's of my little sinker butt's 1st birthday party.

Reece Playing with the slide

Reece and Mommy (My sister Jen)
Reece with the slide again
Reece with his girl Friend Adison

Picture Tag!

2009-03-25T23:53:00.000-07:00

I was tagged by Tiffany for this wonderful, fun one.

If you’re reading along with me, your instructions:
1. Find your sixth picture folder and in that folder, the sixth picture
2. Post it on your blog with some of the background of the picture
3. Tag four others and leave a comment on their blog to let them know they’ve been tagged.

Here's mine:

This picture is of (From top to bottom Left to right) Me, My cousin Randy, My cousin Keith, My sister Jenifer, My Grandmother and My Grandfather, at my cousin Keith's bat mitzvah back in 1992. The night before the bat mitzvah I got a hold of some scissors and decided to cute myself some bangs. Obviously now looking back I realize that was a real bad idea. =)

Here are my tags:

Lynn
Shell
Amber
Chele

I'm in love with 3 ounces of cuteness

2009-03-20T15:27:00.001-07:00

Today was my appointment with the high risk OB. My mom went with me since Patrick couldn't get off of work to go with. Everything went great, we went over all of my old and new blood work made a plan for the future, we did the nuchal translucency screening (the results showed everything was normal) and of course I got to watch this cute little stinker on the ultrasound monitor for a good 10 minutes. It was truly amazing. We tried to see if we could tell the sex but of course were not able to. He/she did wave at us and spent a good 4 minutes sucking it's thumb. We got to hear the heartbeat and it was a strong 145bpm. I have to tell you I am just so in love. I didn't want the appointment to end. I go back to this Dr on the 17th and at that time we should be able to tell the sex. So for now I leave you with afew pictures of my little 3oz of love. Note the fully belly =)

First OBGYN Appointment

2009-03-18T12:56:00.000-07:00

So today was my first appointment with my new OBGYN, and everything went great. We went over allllllllll of my history, did some blood work, checked the babies heartbeat on the doppler but where we were unable to find it my Dr did an ultrasound instead. The baby is doing great. Super active and all over the place. He was not even able to get me a picture because the baby was everywhere. It was amazing to see and quite funny. When all was said and done my Dr referred me to a High Risk OB and scheduled an appointment for me on Friday. With me being on the blood thinners & my thyroid condition my Dr thought it was best for me to see a High Risk Dr just to be on the safe side. And I'm ok with that since it means I get to see the baby via ultrasound more often.

So far so good! I have been so scared to tell anyone that I'm pregnant I think I finally feel comfortable. I'm past the 1 T and the baby is active and healthy. I think it's time for me to make an announcement.

Wrapping up the 1T with another virus

2009-03-14T22:37:00.000-07:00

That makes TWO times since I got my BFP that I caught the flu. But this time I had to one up myself. Last Friday (March 6th) I not only came down with the flu but I also caught a nasty case of strep as well as an ear infection in both of my ears. Things got so bad that at 2 a.m. on Tuesday morning I ended up dragging myself into the ER with a ridiculous fever and in massive pain from my ear infections. It was bad! Even now both my ears are still clogged. And I have a caught from hell but it's getting better slowly "VERY SLOWLY". I wasn't there long as the amazingly handsome ER Dr. wanted to get me out of there as fast as possible to avoid me catching anything else. It was the best treatment I have ever received in the ER. Not that I am a frequent visitor but in the 2 or 3 times in my life that I have ever had to go it was definitely one of the fastest. Armed with a prescription for Amoxicillin, Tylenol 3 and zofran, I headed home to bed. And that is where I have remained for the past few days. Only getting up to go to the bathroom, shower, occasionally throw up and spend 5 minutes checking my e-mail's until Patrick yells at me to get back in bed. It has been a rough week! I'm sorry to those that thought I was abandoning them, I'm still here and hopefully some time soon I will be fully back to normal.

On a scary note the very next day Patrick and I were watching the news about a shooting at the very same hospital I was at. Here is a link to the news story for anyone interested http://www.lvrj.com/news/breaking_news/41085847.html I am so grateful and glad that I was not there when this shooting went down. I think this would have given me a heart attack. Even just watching the story on the news freaked me out.

Well girls I better get back in bed. I really need to be back to normal by Monday if that's at all possible.

What a day!

2009-03-03T22:17:00.001-08:00

Ok so here is how my day went yesterday I woke up, did some work and laid back down in bed to take a nap around 2. Woke up 30 minutes later decided to wash this little blanket Molly and I lay on, did some more work, got into a fight with my RE's office (I will tell you that on in a moment) and then made hamburgers for dinner. After the day was over Patrick lets Molly out to go to the bathroom and we head up to sleep. Now mind you I was talking to him and looking right at him when he was by the back door letting her go potty. But I proceed to ask did you take Molly out before you came up to bed??? He responds Amy are you loosing your mind you were standing there with me when I took her out. Can I tell you that I still don't recall standing there when he was taking her out. I look at the bed and see the blanket that I had put in the washing machine still on my bed and it hits me, "Didn't I put that in the washing machine earlier???". I go into the laundry room and check the machine and I find the remote control to our cable box at the bottom completely watered down. What the heck is going on with me I think I've lost my mind!

So here is the topper of my day. My RE's office calls me to confirm my appointment for Tuesday (something they have NEVER done) and the girl that called me was new. The conversation starts off fine I'm calling to confirm your appointment for tomorrow blah blah blah, don't wear any perfume or scented lotion tomorrow as we have embryos in the office (ok this is no new rule I have been a patient of Dr L's office for quite some time and I already know not to do these things) then this girl takes the nastiest tone possible with me and tells me your copay for tomorrow is $78 for a double ultrasound to which I respond why is that I am not having twins anymore. She has nothing to say back but then proceeds to tell me you also have a past due bill of four hundred sixty dollars. Why is that I ask, I paid off my bill last time. She snaps back listen ma'am I am just doing my job and letting you know you will not be released until you pay off your bill. That's when I flipped out and hung up. I was so aggravated I called Patrick and told him I was done and that I refuse to ever go back to that office again. The staff at my RE's office changes constantly each one worse then the next. Out of a staff of 9 (including my RE) I can only stand to deal with 2 and neither of those 2 are my RE. Seeing the baby should be an exciting thing but my RE makes it hard to enjoy the moment. So at 10 p.m. last night I called the answering service and cancelled my appointment. And it felt good! I called today and made an appointment with my OBGYN who said he will handle getting me released and not to worry about it. So that's what I am going to do. It sucks not seeing the bean today but I know in the long run I'm doing whats right for me.!

Blah

2009-02-24T14:30:00.001-08:00

I'm sorry for the disappearance. I have been feeling pretty lost and overwhelmed lately and well I just shut down. I keep having this reoccurring dream that that baby A is still with us. And every morning I wake up and realize it's gone I go through that feeling of loss all over again. I have been focusing so much on the loss I forget that there's another one in there, and then I feel like I am neglecting baby B. My hormones have put me all over the map, and all I wanna do is sleep. Eating makes me throw up and not eating makes me dizzy and nauseated. I just can't win right now! I feel like I am going to explode at any moment, and just the smallest comments make my head spin. I avoid the phone like the plague and have almost completely secluded myself from the outside. I never imagined it would hurt this bad. The sadness has trumped any joy that I should be feeling right now. Even just sitting here now and writing this is hard. Am I going to be like this for the next 6 1/2 months? Or will this get any easier?

Good News / Bad News

2009-02-16T12:37:00.000-08:00

Lets start with the good news first. Baby B is developing wonderfully. Measuring 8 weeks 5 days, with a heartbeat of 178 bpm. He/She is even started to look alittle like a baby in the ultrasound and was moving all over the place like a wild child. It was definitely a sight to see. Now for the bad news. Baby A measured in at 7 weeks 4 days with no heartbeat. From the looks of it baby A stopped developing about a week ago. It's such a strange feeling to be happy and sad at the same time. I wanted them both so badly, and I feel like I tried everything in my power to help baby A's yolk sac grow. I wish there were something more I could have done.

Thank you all for your prayers and positive thoughts. Your support means the world to me.

baby A (my little Angel)

Baby B

Baby B (Baby A is off the the right)

Baby B (Baby A is off the the right)

Baby B (Baby A is off the the right)

Baby B's Heartbeat

Baby B Floating around

Mexican food = my crying in pain

2009-02-11T22:15:00.001-08:00

Tonight I went out to eat with my mom while Patrick and my stepfather bowled in there league. Mexican sounded like a good idea up until the point where my tummy was hurting so bad from gas pains I thought I was gonna die. I couldn't sit, I couldn't stand it was horrible! The pain finally got so bad I ended up vomiting and crying like a baby because it was so miserable. Even now that the pain has subsided I'm still crying from just the fear of hurting that bad. I never want to feel like that again. So I guess Mexican is out of the question for the next 8 months.

Feed me ...

2009-02-10T19:54:00.000-08:00

All of a sudden over the past two days I have been eating like a pig. Not that I'm eating bad but Patrick was laughing at me today because every time he turned around I was in the fridge pulling something out. I know I'm eating more then my normal, since before I was pregnant I was lucky if I ate one meal a day. I'm trying to take care of the beans but Patrick makes me feel like I'm overdoing it. Here is what I ate today: an orange, afew crackers, apple sauce (the small lunch snack cups), 2 pickles and pasta for dinner. Does that seem like to much to anyone else??? I know he thinks he's joking around but he's making me very self conscious.

Google my life away

2009-02-05T19:10:00.000-08:00

I have spent the last couple of days googling small yolk sac and small gestational sac for story's of people that have gone through this as well as ideas for what might help little A's yolk sac grow. What I have come up with ... A whole bunch of nothing! One web page said to drink 4 gallons of water and that could possibly help hydrate little A. Now I'm no Dr but I think 4 gallons of water would make you sick and possibly kill you. So what I have decided to do is up my intake of water but not excessively. Now here is my dilemma. In reading I have discovered that there is also a such thing as to big of a yolk sac. If over hydrating can possibly help little A, can't it also harm little B? I don't know what to do. I don't want to risk loosing both. Am I being greedy for wanting them both to stick? Or should I just leave it at whatever happens happens. People keep telling me that I will be lucky as long as I end up with one. But knowing they are both in there right now, I want them both! I feel like I'm asking for to much.

Like 2 peas in a pod

2009-02-02T12:29:00.000-08:00

There are two beautiful little beans with two beautiful little heartbeats. Baby A measures 6 weeks and 5 days with a heartbeat of 125bpm and Baby B measures 6weeks 1 day with a heartbeat of 125bpm.

Now for the bad news. Baby A's yolk sac is small. The Dr is not to worried about it right now but wanted me to be aware that it could cause a problem and we could possibly loose it. For now I am going to pray until it hurts that baby A's yolk sac grown before our next ultrasound on Feb 16th.

Baby A

Baby B

Baby A & B together =)

30 Days to make it right!

2009-01-30T13:38:00.000-08:00

After holding myself hostage in the house, yelling at constables and attorneys I was granted 30 days to move. Thank God! I spent all of yesterday held up in the house starring out the window like a crazy person in fear that someone was going to come back to change the locks again. Every car door that slammed every sound in the night had me up looking out that windows making sure that we were safe. I finally got the call this afternoon that the bank has granted me 30 days to find a new home and move or make an offer on this house. It was the best news I have heard since Wednesday.

My landlord .... no where to be found and refuses to return my calls since she has found out what's going on. Stupid B#$%ch! She forgets though that I know where she lives. Now knowing that I can leave without fear of being homeless I'm going to go over to her house this weekend and give her a piece of my mind.

Tomorrow the house hunting begins. My lender sent over my approval and I have already made appointments to go see 5 houses tomorrow. I'm just ready to get this show on the road.

As for being sick. I still am, but hopefully all the running around I now have to do this weekend won't make it worse. I am only 3 days away from the first of hopefully many exciting ultrasound appointments. I'm alittle scared but excited for the most part. So much is changing so fast. I hate change but I welcome a fresh start. I never liked the idea of living permanently in Vegas but when push comes to shove we have great friends, great jobs and a pretty good life out here (minus all of the headache from the week). I wouldn't change that for the world! One day I am sure we will move away to a more family friendly town. The though of our future kids growing up in "Sin City" scares the crap out of me. But for not I could survive here =)

Someone dropped a bomb on me

2009-01-28T18:31:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning feeling like this flu bug might just be going away. Patrick left for work and I decided to go drive through starbucks and get myself some hot tea. Molly and I got in the car and took off towards our destination. I could not have been gone more then 30 45 minutes at the most. I like to take the scenic route sometimes and just drive. When I pulled up to my house something was wrong. There was a bright orange sticker on the door and all of the blinds were open. Panic set in. I walked up to the door and noticed a key already in place in the lock. I paused and looked around what the hell is going on. I turned the key and pulled the sticker off the front door. In preparation for the worst I had 911 dialed into my phone just waiting for me to hit the send button. I opened the door and screamed hello. By now Molly who I was clutching in my arms must have been able to feel my heart racing and started to bark. No one answered back. Anxiety set in and I remember sitting on the couch and just blanking out. My phone began to ring, It was my boss. I answered sobbing uncontrollably Chuck I've been locked out of my home. I tried to contain myself but it was to late, I was a full blown mess. Chuck tried to calm me down but I could just hear myself repeating over and over again. I'm homeless Chuck I'm homeless. Together we called my landlord who decided to inform me (now that I was asking)not pay her mortgage and the bank foreclosed on the property. I suddenly felt dizzy and fell on the floor. I could feel my body hit the tile and all I could think about was the baby. What have I just done to myself. Chuck am I gonna go to jail I asked through the tears. Amy why on earth would you be going to jail Chuck responded back. Because the sticker that I took off the door said if I entered the property I was trespassing and I would go to jail for breaking and entering.

Needless to say I'm not in jail (at least not yet j/k) I spent the remainder of my day at the justice court trying to see what they could do to help me. What a big fat waist of time that was! My resolution for the day was to call my attorney and have him handle this mess. His exact words were well Amy they left you key's so they must not have wanted to out that bad. The worst of this is that the owner of this house is one of my investors. I sold her this house and I have made her alot of money over the years. For her to do this to me ... unforgivable. I refuse to be a tenant ever again!!!!!!!! Tomorrow after I meet with my attorney in the morning and hopefully get granted an extension I am going house hunting. For now lets just hope and pray that falling on the floor has not caused the baby any harm.

The flu is kicking me A$$

2009-01-27T21:32:00.000-08:00

Yep that's right I have the flu. It started Thursday morning as a little cough and has since turned into this monster of a virus that has literally kicked my ass. I have been running a fever off and on since Saturday when my wonderful RE prescribed me a Z pack that was supposed to be my miracle cure. And that seemed to make it worse. Since Saturday night I have had a high temp maxing out at 101.8 and this morning I started the day with a 99.6 at least it's getting better. With all of the blood thinners and other crap I'm taking Tylenol is a no no so other then the non working Z pack I'm S.O.L (Sh%# Out of Luck). In addition to that, food and I have not been agreeing. And so all I have eaten since Thursday night is chicken and beef broth. Mmmm Yummy! My husband says when I cough it sounds like I'm going to cough up an organ and the sad thing is that's what it feels like as well. Sleeping has been horrible when I lay on my back I feel like I am drowning and then I lay on my tummy I'm scared I'm going to hurt the bean. Plus my new thing (and why I'm sharing this I have no clue) when I cough .... I pee alittle. Nasty I know! So now I wear a pad to sleep in fear I might have an adult sized accident. Lovely!

On a bright note my first ultrasound is on Monday Feb 2nd. I am eager to see what is going on in there. Fingers crossed that there is at least one heartbeat going strong in there.

Sorry Chele (Update)

2009-01-21T14:18:00.000-08:00

Sorry Chele for making you worry. Between work, throwing up and fighting with insurance for my meds every time I tried to get online and update I got side tracked.

I spent all of last week fighting with the insurance to get the approval for my meds and when they finally gave it to me and I went to pick up the prescription the pharmacy did not have it is stock and wanted me to wait over a week for them to get it in. So I flip out and had them transfer the prescription to another location that had the meds in stock. Well I guess that pissed off the pharmacist and she sent the request over all F'ed up. So what I was suppose to receive was 60 injections of 5000IU each per 30 days. What I ended up getting was 12 injections of 5000IU per 30 days. I knew right off the bat that that was wrong. But the pharmacist insisted that the insurance company only approved me for 12 injections. Needless to say after going back and forth between the pharmacy the insurance company and my Dr (the one that originally received the approval) it took me crying my face off to a manager at the insurance company to get everything right. So on Monday I picked up the 12 injections while I was in process of sorting out all of the mess and today I go to pick up the other 48 injections that the pharmacy owes me. In addition to that I had my first blood thinner disaster today when I cut my finger. First off I had no idea I had even cut myself until I looked at my pants and noticed that I had gotten blood all over them. After about an hour of applying pressure to it I finally got the bleeding to stop. The scary thing is that the cut was no bigger then a paper cut and had caused such a mess.

Work has been incredibly busy. I am currently in the process of helping my parents find a house. I keep trying to explain that I have of other clients but they think they should be my one and only priority. I wish it worked that way but I work with investors and with all of these bank owned deals I'm having a hard time finding a minute to breath.

As for the bean, so far so good. I have had a few scary spotting moments but I have chalked that up to the fact that I need to slow down. Easier said then done but I am trying. My plan for this weekend is to turn off the phone and relax. Friday can't get here fast enough. Morning sickness has been all day sickness and I don't know if it's work or the bean (or both) but come the end of the day all I want to do is sleep. I day dream about my bed. Plus with all of the meds I'm on I know it's contributing with how I'm feeling. Not that I'm complaining because as long as my boobs still hurt and I'm still tossing my cookies I know it means that the bean is still in there.

For now I am counting down the days to my first ultrasound, and hoping for at least one heartbeat. (Fingers Crossed)

Beta #2

2009-01-15T14:27:00.000-08:00

I went yesterday to have my blood drawn for beta #2, but my RE was out of the office all day in surgery. I was told I would not get my results until today. Although I wanted to say no that's not ok. I tucked my tail between my legs and walked out. Yesterday was the longest day of my life. I must have woken up 5 times last night just to check the clock. Finally at 7:30 this morning my phone rings. I jump out of bed and run over to my phone but it's not my RE only a friend of mine calling to say hi. Hours pass, I wanted to call but I didn't want to be the annoying girl. Finally at 11:45 the phone rings and it's my RE's office I answer and it's the receptionist calling to book an appointment for my ultrasound on February 2nd. Wait but what about the results of my beta. The receptionist responds back well I guess things are ok if the Dr wants you to come in for an ultrasound. I ask her to put the Dr or someone on the phone that can tell me my results and I am quickly dismissed with a "I'll have someone call you back". Great! More waiting. Finally at 2 P.M. I decided I have had enough of the worrying. So I call the back nurses line. The nurse answers and I explain that I need to know. 2463 she replies. Ahhhhh I feel a sigh of relief. Thank god that there is someone in that office that is willing to tell me what is going on. Out of an office of 7 women there is only one person I can count on and what is really sad is that it is not my RE. If now I could only get my lovenox injections I would feel a million times better.

Update: Insurance just denied my lovenox injections and requested my RE put me on Fragmin instead. Out of pocket lovenox is $1100 a month. The new medication requires me to take 2 injections a day for the next 9 months. Hopefully insurance will be willing to cover that one. If not, I'm Fu%#ed

Holy Cow!

2009-01-12T14:26:00.001-08:00

First off let me start by saying that my bleeding/spotting has stopped. I talked to me RE about it and she said not to worry. I went in for my first beta and as expected I got the call that I am in fact pregnant. When I asked for my count my RE took an odd tone and told me that she did not know the exact count since the girl that runs my labs was in the process of diluting it. Whatever the heck that means. She put in a request for the nurse to call in my Lovenox injections and scheduled me to return for beta #2 on Wednesday. As today passed I could not help but wonder what my beta count was. So I decided to call my RE's office and ask. I started my conversation about my injections since the pharmacy had not called me to confirm the prescription like they normally do. And then I quickly asked oh and by the way what was my hormone count from this mornings beta to which the nurse replies 1188. I could hear her giggling in the background as I sat in silence. It took me a good 30 seconds to take it all in and then I responded isn't that kind of high. Why yes it is she chuckled back. We ended our call and since then I have been in freak out mode. Not that I would not LOVE to have more then one baby but with all of the meds that I have to take just to successfully have one child now I might have to worry about more then one. I am going to try to keep my freaking out to a minimum. (Or at least until I have my first ultrasound.) I am going through such a wide range of emotions right now. But for the most part I am just really scared.

Added bonus to my nightly routine .....

2009-01-08T20:10:00.000-08:00

Every night I have a routine I do before I get into bed. I change into my pj's, brush my hair, take all of my medications, brush my teeth and if necessary I take my progesterone. With all of these things done I can hang out in bed and snuggle with Molly while watching alittle TV. So in my little funk from today I decided I wanted to get into bed early. But since AF is still not here in full force I didn't know if I should take my progesterone or not. I went to the bathroom and checked to see if the bleeding had gotten any heavier and sure enough it was gone. I reached into my vanity and pulled out my last HTP and decided to go for it. (I would rather be safe then sorry) Sure enough what looks like a 2nd line popped up. It's light but I can see it. (I will attach the pictures for your opinions.) So now I am freaking out. Am I having a miscarriage what the heck is going on. Is there really a second line there or am I seeing things. Talk about stress this is going to keep me up all night!

Not the best pictures since they were taken by my cell phone .. But let me know what you think

And here is one of Molly in bed while her mommy was running around the house staring at a pee stick

All I have left is signs

2009-01-08T10:40:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning nauseated and confident. Patrick looked over at me and and said well are you going to test. No, I'm not ready yet I said back. I want to see how today goes before I jump the gun and get let down. Most of the morning I have been feeling like crap so in my head I thought for sure I was. At 10 a.m. I decided what the hell I might as well. With cup in one hand and test in the other I entered the bathroom. When I wiped I saw what I had been dreading. Light pink spotting. It's over in one split second all of my confidence is lost. I didn't even bother to use the test. Why waist another test just to see a BFN seeing AF is bad enough.

I'm so depressed, I thought for sure that this was going to be my month. This year is not starting off at all like I had planned. All the signs are there it's just my luck that I would feel so confident and get let down once again!

Happy 2009

2009-01-05T17:10:00.001-08:00

I am so sorry for being MIA yet again. Some of my family from NY came in to celebrate the New Years and left me with no time to myself. I hope you all had a wonderful New Years. This year with all of the family in town was an absolute blast. Even though I refused to drink ... just in case (better safe then sorry). But it was fun spending time with everyone and just enjoying the company. All is back to normal now and I am just trying to get back into the swing of work.

As for the fertility front today is CD 25, 10 DPIUI my RE does not have me scheduled to come in for a beta until Monday aka CD 32, 17 DPIUI since she's out of town. I am sure I will end up testing way before that probably around Thursday or Friday. As for IPS, I have been having alittle of everything. My boobs are hurting (could be caused by the progesterone) , I'm exhausted (could be from running around Vegas like a chicken with my head cut off), I have been having the most odd dreams (could be caused by the exhaustion. I will write all about my odd dreams in another post.), I have been very crampy on both sides on and off, I'm bloated (possible AF sign), I have been peeing at least once an hour and waking up to pee, and the most odd thing I have been doing. I have been having such bad hot flashes at night that I won't let Patrick turn the heat on and I sleep with the fan pointed right at me. My poor husband, you can hear his teeth chattering under his 3 layers of blankets. He has been using Molly as a heating pad and yet I still wake up sweaty. Yuck! So either I'm loosing my mind, AF Is teasing me or my hope is that these IPS's will turn into RPS.

My IUI update

2008-12-27T14:11:00.000-08:00

IUI #3 was completed on Friday and I am feeling really good about the timing. We arrived at my RE's office at 7:30 in the morning for Patrick to do his thing. And waited while everything was being prepared. Come 8 a.m. I was starting to feel O pains. And by 8:30 I was being inseminated with roughly 42 million of Patrick's finest. When all was complete my RE said everything went perfect. Patrick and I left my RE's office and went right home because my O pains were so severe it hurt to sit. I'm hoping that, that meant we had 4 good eggs. (Fingers crossed) so now begins the two week wait.

Sorry for being MIA

2008-12-27T13:07:00.000-08:00

The past few days have been filled with many up's and downs. The week started off fine. Great follicle check on Tuesday and a busy day of shopping to finish up just in time for Christmas. Then I got the call Tuesday night while I was at home relaxing on the couch. It was my BFF calling to tell me that her step mother was diagnosed with stage 3 pancreatic cancer and given less then a year to live. I am very close to my BFF and her family, we have known one another for almost 17 years and they are like a second family to me. I could not believe what I was hearing, there was nothing I could say. Worse then knowing that someone you love has less then a year to survive is knowing that the death of my BFF's father would more then likely follow. My BFF's father is 86 years old and not in the best of health. The only thing keeping him going this far is that his wife takes amazing care of him. With both of them ill it does not leave much hope for his future. That alone put a damper on Christmas what also happened to be my BFF's birthday. In addition to the sadness that I was already feeling. I received a call on Christmas from a friend of mine telling me that for husband of 11 years served her with divorce papers on Christmas morning. After 11 years of marriage and 4 kids one being born less then two weeks earlier. He decided she was to controlling and he no longer wanted to be married. It breaks my heart to see so many people that I love and care for going through so much pain during a time that is suppose to bring joy. It has truly been an eye opening week for me. And so it has lead me to my New Years resolution. My resolution for 2009 is to get closer to all of my family. At any moment someone you love can be taken away from you be it by divorce or death. I have been horrible about spending time with my 86 year old grandmother and it has never crossed my mind that she is 86 and although I hope and pray that she lives forever it is inevitable that one day she will go. I also have a ton of family back east that although I talk to it is not as often as I use to. Also Patrick has not seen his father in almost 2 years, I think it is due time we forgive him for all of the wrong he has done to Patrick and rebuild there relationship. We have a lot of family that we need to reconnect with, and my goal for 2009 is to make that happen.

Follicle Check #2

2008-12-23T00:02:00.000-08:00

I walked into my appointment today with a cheerful attitude refusing to let anyone get me down. Again nurse no blood made two attempts at drawing blood before calling over the other nurse that knows how to get the job done. I smiled and made small talk in attempts to keep things peaceful. I get taken back to the ultrasound room and assume the position. My RE walks in and I quickly smile and say my hello's. I think I caught her off guard so she smiled back. My results: on my right side I have 2 10mm follicles and on my left I have an 18mm and a 12mm. I sit up and she congratulates me on all my follicles and tells me that she believes I will have 2 if not 4 viable follicles come time of IUI. (funny since she called me a one egg kind of girl only a few weeks back) And it's funny how her demeanor has totally changed. Now that I have more eggs she has more of a personality. Very odd! I trigger at 8:30pm Christmas eve and my IUI is on Friday at 8:30am. Yeah!!!!!!!!!

My RE hates me

2008-12-19T15:20:00.001-08:00

And if she doesn't she sure could have fooled me. Let me tell you how my appointment played out. I showed up at my exact appointment time 9:30. I walk into the lobby that is completely full of people, I find a place to take a seat and wait. Come ten o'clock we are all looking at one another trying to figure out why we are all still waiting. From the corner of my eye I see her entering through the back door. Well that explains it we are all waiting because she didn't come to work on time. People start to get called back and more people show up for there appointment's. Finally I get called back but it is not to see the Dr yet, it is to have my labs done. I again get the only nurse that can't draw blood. She makes 3 attempts and gives up. Hands me a bottle of water and says I must be dehydrated. (Although I know I drank a bottle of water on my way in so that is not possible.) I go back to the lobby and wait. 10 minutes later another nurse takes me back to try to draw blood from me. This one has no problem and within a minute I am put back in the lobby to wait. It's 10:25 and the nurse finally comes to take me back to the room for my ultrasound. I get undressed and assume the position. When my RE comes into the room she is very short with me. I ask her why the new higher dose of meds is making me black and blue at all of the injection sites and she looks at me like I have two heads. I lay down and the ultrasound begins. The monitor was not turned in my direction so I had a hard time seeing anything. She counts nothing on my right side but I swear I would see 2 or 3 small ones out of the corner of my eye. And two good size follicles on my Left. At no point did she tell me the measurements as she usually does. The entire time she is giving me the evil eye like I am the devil for doing my cycle during the holidays. Finally when I sit up to talk to her she says well you "might" (insert sarcastic tone of voice) have two follicles for your IUI. But like I said before Amy, you got lucky the first time. You might just want to get use to being on those injections for a while! Especially now that we confirmed that you have elevated levels of PAI-1. WTF! I can not believe she would say something like that. Plus the PAI-1 mutation only means I have to go on blood thinners when I do get pregnant. That would not hinder me getting pregnant. She exited the room and I quickly got dressed and took off. What a F$#king Bitch! I go back on Monday for my next follicle check and as long as I am still on track my IUI should be Friday or Saturday. In the mean time I made an appointment for a consultation with a different RE. I am just sick and tired of my current RE being such a bitch!

IUI #3 is underway

2008-12-18T20:45:00.000-08:00

And tomorrow is follicle check #1. There better be more then one freakin egg in there. Or there is going to be hell to pay! Ughhhhh stress!!!!!!!!!!!!

(This is how I feel!!!!)

Hell has finally frozen over!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-12-17T16:38:00.001-08:00

For the first time in 20 years Vegas has had our first sticky snow storm. It has been snowing consistently for over 4 1/2 hours out by my house, and it is not melting as usual nor does it seem to be easing up any time soon. You can actually play in it and enjoy it. It it amazing!!!! Here are some pictures I thought I would share ...

These were taken around noon

These were taken around 1:30

These were taken around 4:30

I am sure I will have more pictures as the night progresses. There looks to be no end in sight... I love this weather!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tagged

2008-12-16T21:23:00.000-08:00

Candi
tagged me to list 7 random facts about myself.Here are the rules:
1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Share 7 random and/or weird facts about you.
3. Tag 7 random people at the end, and include links to their blog

So here goes ...

1. I cry like a baby to Billy Joel. Not because I have a thing for him or anything like that, but because he reminds me of NY and only when I hear him sing am I reminded of how homesick I am.

2. When I was younger I was in a bowling accident and now I have a fear of bowling. I know it sounds hard to believe that such an accident can happen so I will share the story of how it happened. I was 9 and my parents took my sister and I bumper bowling. We had just started playing and I was first up. I was super excited that I knocked down a pin and while walking back to my seat somehow managed to slip and smash my face open on the ball return. My mother said there was a water on the floor that I slipped on. Regardless I ended up passing out and came to as my mother was laying me on the counter as we waited for my father and the car to run us to the hospital. I remember opening my eyes to two old ladies with white hair telling me that everything was going to be ok. I thought I had died. Anyway 48 stitches later you will not catch me bowling. I stay a safe distance away.

3. I ran away to Chicago when I was 17 to go visit my first love JR. I called my mother from payphones while I was there just to tell her that I was ok. When I came back home she didn't speak to me for a week.

4. I once got hit in the face with a maxi pad while driving in my old VW cabrio on the 15 freeway in San Diego. My Cousin had come out to visit me and we were out bar hopping downtown. For some reason we thought it would be fun to drop the top on our way home. Anyway something blew into the car and smacked me in the face right by my mouth. I quickly pulled it from my face just in time for my cousin to scream OMG that's a bloody pad. She peed in her pants she was laughing so hard. I on the other hand did not find it so funny. I went home and took a scalding hot shower. And to this day every time we see a VW cabrio she cracks up laughing thinking about my pad to the face experience.

5. I can't share drinks or utensils with anyone. If I am drinking from a can and someone takes a sip I give them my drink. The thought of not knowing where there mouth has been creeps me out. I'm getting better at this when it comes to Patrick but anyone else yuck!

6. I poke at my husband when he snores in his sleep and pretend to be asleep when he wakes up trying to figure out what is going on. I sometimes even use Molly's paw so that he thinks it's her. I don't know why I find this amusing but Patrick's snoring gets sooooooooooo bad when he drinks it keeps me from sleeping. Sometimes he even snores so loud that he wakes him self up mid snarf. So what I usually do is lay there in bed and poke him in the arm, pluck hairs from his chest or I take Molly's paw and paw at him. Then I quickly close my eyes and pretend to be asleep. I have been doing this for over 4 years and I still don't think he knows it's really me.

7. I hate things between my toes. So much so that if even the smallest string gets wrapped around my toe I throw up. My sister use to find this so amusing that she would sit on me and put the phone cord between my toes just to make me puke. To this day if I am getting a pedicure and they try to put cotton between my toes or those little foam flip flops on my feet I freak out.

I tag Lynn,
Chele,
Amber,
Shell,
Jenna,

Being a bitch sometimes pays off

2008-12-15T23:01:00.000-08:00

Today I had an all out battle with my RE's office. It was me vs them and I was not going to let them win! I called bright and early to schedule my ultrasound since the DR said that today would be day 3 since Friday I was not heavy flow all day. No biggy! I call and get the office manager who must have been having a bad day and decided to take it out on me. She tried to tell me that I needed to go on BCP for a week while we waited approval from the insurance company. I quickly put my foot down. I have never had to wait a week to get an approval from my insurance company I said. What can I do to expedite this? Nothing! she said back in a nasty tone of voice. I will put the request in, in the next 5 minutes but that is all I can do. We hung up the phone and I called my insurance company. The girl informed me that an approval request can take up to 24-48 hours but that the RE's office could call in and try to get an exception if I had an appointment today. I quickly called my RE's office back to tell the manager what the insurance company had told me. Before I could even take a breath she replied back that's what they always say, but they never do it. So are you not willing to call I asked. No she said in a very stern tone. I was taken back for a second. I could not believe she would not even consider calling for me. You would think that what I was asking for was a big deal. We hung up the phone and I cried for a good hour or so. I could not believe that this is how my RE's office would treat a patient. What have I ever done to be treated like this. Patrick begged me to call the insurance company back and see if there was any other options for me. The girl that picked up my call was the nicest woman I have ever spoken to. She could tell that I had been crying and said she was going to help remedy this matter. I could tell by the way that she was speaking to me that she really meant it. She told me she would call me as soon as the request from my RE was in the system. And an hour later when she called back I could tell she was working hard to get my approval. The only thing I had to wait for was for a nurse at the insurance company to sign off. This amazing girl walked my insurance paperwork through the entire approval process just to help out a stranger. She even called the nurses to see about having my insurance request pushed ahead. I could not believe that this woman was willing to do all of this just to help me. With approval number in hand I said my goodbye's and thanked this girl for all of her hard work. When I called my RE's office with the approval number and what I consider good news they did not seem as excited as I was. The rude office manager seemed more pissed off that I was able to accomplish this then anything. She scheduled my appointment for 2:30 but then proceeded to tell me that I need to bring $200 to pre pay my insemination cycle this month. I wanted to curse her out but instead I said see you at 2:30!

When I arrived at my appointment I was filled with anxiety. Was I now hated by the office for pushing so hard to get what I want. Was I wrong for not wanting to skip this month. I began second guessing myself. But I walked into the office and put on a happy smile like everything was great. Every glance that I got from anyone on the staff made me question if I even wanted to deal with this RE's office any more. I was then called back to the ultrasound room and the first thing out of my RE's mouth when she walked in was "Are you really gonna make me work on Christmas?" No I said. If all goes as planned my IUI date should be either Friday or Saturday. Christmas is on Thursday so I think we will be ok. Besides I'm Jewish so Christmas is really not that big of a deal to me. The look on her face was priceless. It was a cross between did you really just way that to me and are you the devil? I laid on the table and she said well as long as you have no cysts I guess we are good to start your cycle. I could see where she was going with this. She was going to bullshit me and tell me I had a cyst just to get out having to go forward with this cycle. How do you know the difference between a cyst and a follicle I asked. Anything over 10mm would be a cyst since you are only on CD 3 anything under is a follicle. I watched as she counted and measured 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 I watched the entire thing and saw nothing over 5mm but I waited for her to lie. I think she could see that on my face so she replied well you have 5 follicles. I guess we are good to start. I could see she was not to happy with me. But I have been at this for far to long to let Christmas get in my way! I don't really feel like I was wrong for taking control of the situation like I did. I just don't think some people understand when not to get in the way of a woman on a mission. Truth be told I think I handled this headache pretty gracefully. I am sick of being pushed around and made to feel like I am not important. I pay to much money to my RE to be made to feel like just some piece of sh*t.

Snow in the Desert

2008-12-15T22:02:00.000-08:00

I know snow is not exciting to most of you but out here in Las Vegas we NEVER see snow. So when I woke up this morning the last thing I expected was a call from my Mom saying it was snowing. I took some pictures because it's funny seeing snow on the palm trees.

Bad Day / Good Day

2008-12-12T18:34:00.001-08:00

As you all know AF made a guest appearance last night. So I called me RE to inform her of the current events only to be told that I had to come in anyway for the beta because it was there policy. I dragged my butt across town to have my blood taken by my favorite nurse. The only nurse on this planet that has a hard time getting blood from me. After 3 sticks with a needle I proved to nurse needle happy that I do in fact have blood running through my veins. I had a brief encounter with my RE about what our plan would be when the test comes back BFN, and her response to me was that I shouldn't be so negative. I explained that I am not negative but a realist. AF is here, and from the looks of it she is here to stay! So I know that it's only common sense that AF = BFN. With that I left and waited confirmation of my results. She called me to tell me they were in fact BFN. Thankfully that was something I already knew and had expected, so it didn't hurt as bad as it could have. I asked her if we could up my meds since I am sick of this one egg BS and then my RE said the nastiest thing anyone has ever said to me. She said well Amy maybe you are only a one egg kind of girl. If she had been in my face I probably would have punched her. I am young and healthy and I refuse to believe my body is not capable of producing more then one viable egg per cycle. She agreed to up me to 175iu but said I needed to go on BCP because she was going on Vacation around January 8th. I immediately lost my cool and flipped out. Yelling that I refused "REFUSED" to go on BCP since I feel that is why I didn't respond well to my meds in this past cycle. I asked her is she had planned to be in town the week of Christmas to which she replied yes. And then I asked what the problem was then since AF was here today and my insemination seem to happen roughly around CD 15-16 December 27th and 28th that there was NO reason why I had to miss this month. Do you know what this woman had the nerve to say to me??? That I could not count today as day one since I was on progesterone. What the hell does that have to do with anything? Day one is the first day of full flow. That would be TODAY! We went back and forth with this for about 5 minutes before she said well we will make plans based off of when AF fully shows. (At one point I was going to ask if she wanted me to drop off my tampon so that she could see that I was having full flow but decided that might be just alitte to much). Tomorrow I am going to call her and let her know that AF was super heavy tonight so I know it was my day 1. If she says anything stupid I might drive over there to smack her. Why does it have to be so complicated.

I also got the results of my last genetic test back for my PAI-1 and it came back elevated. Confirming that when I do get pregnant I am going to have to go on Lovenox injections. It sucks but atleast there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

On to good news. A friend of a friend had some follistim she needed to get rid of and offered to sell me 6 boxes of 300iu follistim for $60 a box. I am so happy because upping my meds would have cost me big bucks. This was a total life savor. I am ready for IUI #3 and I am going into this cycle positive.

I must have been on the naughty list

2008-12-11T19:41:00.000-08:00

Because AF is pretty much here and I get no Christmas miracle. I went way across town to the only pharmacy that carries my progesterone prescription and when I got home AF decided to stop by and say hi! What a waist of $50 that was. My plan now is to wait for her to be here in full force. That should be by later on tonight or tomorrow morning. Then tomorrow I will see if my RE thinks it is necessary for me to still come in for my blood test. Although I'm probable still going to have to go so we can make a plan for IUI#3. Oh well such is life.

12 DPIUI = BFN and spotting

2008-12-11T10:59:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning and the EPT was just taunting me to pee on it. So I did! I can't say I am surprised that it was a BFN. But I am going to continue with my progesterone and hope that when I test again (or go for my beta whatever comes first as long as it is not AF) that by some miracle it comes back BFP. For now I am going to watch PS I love you and hang out in bed. It's a lazy day! =) At least until I get a call from work with something that I need to do.

Edited:
So I decided to call me RE and see if I could come in tomorrow instead of Monday. I am so impatient! She said that it would be ok. But to be aware that it might be to early. I don't really care thought I NEED TO KNOW NOW!!!!!! it is driving me out of my mind. So I will let you ladies know as soon as I get the results. Although I still have a feeling it is going to be BFN.

To pee or not to pee ... that is the question

2008-12-09T22:22:00.000-08:00

Since I am still on the subject of pee, today I am 10 DPIUI. I tested at 7 DPIUI just to make sure the HCG was out of my system. I mean I'm not crazy enough to POAS 7 DPIUI and hope that a BFP would appear (That's my story and I'm stickin to it). Back in July (IUI #1) I had my first beta at 12 DPIUI but it was only a 14. BFP but only a 14. This time around I don't go for my first beta until I am 16 DPIUI. There is no way I can hold out until Monday to find out this cycle is a bust. But I don't know when to test, or even if I should test. So I am posting a survey. Help me out here girls I have to much time on my hands and only 2 tests to pee on.

WTF?

2008-12-08T23:45:00.001-08:00

I've seen some strange things in my day, but today I caught Molly talking a poop in my bathtub! Now I am not going to mention how about 5 minutes earlier I had taken her out for a walk and she also went #2 out there (ok well maybe I will mention it). So we come back in the house and I get on the computer to do some work. About 5 minutes passes and I think to myself is that bitch laying on my pillow again. You see the past few days I have caught her sprawled out on my pillow like she is the queen of my bed and that is her thrown. Not wanting to rest my face on where her butt has been I end up changing my pillowcase every night. Anyway so I walk in to my room and she is nowhere to be found. I walk into the bathroom to get a hair clip and in the mirror I see what looks like Molly in my shower. It strikes me as odd but I think nothing off it as she has not had an accident in the house in over 5 years. I glance down to check on her and sure enough there she is pooping in my bathtub. I throw her a magazine because she might as well have something to read while she is in there and I am definitely going to need something to chase her around the house with when she's done. I can't believe she made it as far as the bathroom and couldn't atleast use the toilet. I mean how rude!!!! And when I went to yell at her for defecating in my bathtub she gave me this face like "It wasn't me mommy, it was my evin twin". Just how I wanted to spend my Monday, Sick and sanitizing the bathtub for 3 hours. And yes I said three hours. I had to use comet with bleach then I had to use scalding hot water and I went back and forth with the two for three hours. Needless to say after the first 30 minutes I was high off the fumes. But on the plus side it did help un stuff my nose.

The worst part of this story is that it gave me a flash back. Fall of 2002 I was living in San Diego. My Fiance at the time we shall call him the insperminator (I will save that story for a later time) and I had just had a falling out and I had just kicked him out weeks before. I was all alone and bored. So without much hesitation I called an old guy pal of mine that I knew lived about 30 minutes away to come visit and keep me company. Yes he was an ex BF we had dated when I was in high school and had kept in touch. Anyway so the ex show up at my apartment with a movie, we order pizza and have a few beers and just hang out reminiscing. Hours pass and more and more alcohol is consumed and at this point I know his intention is to stay the night. But not wanting to make a bad drunken rebound decision I allowed him to sleep on the couch. We say our good nights and off in our own beds we went. I spent an hour or so tossing and turning in my bed questioning if I had made the right decision. Was it rude to put him on the couch. It's not like sleeping in my room meant that we would have to DTD. And just as I sat up to invite him in my room I heard him get up off the couch and walk into the bathroom. And that was when I heard him peeing. Only problem was I couldn't hear it hit water. It was just not the sound that pee makes when it hits the toilet water. I waited for him to flush but instead I heard the shower turn on. Was this man really going pee in my shower? He exited the bathroom and I just had to ask. Without hesitation he replied, "yeah sorry I was drunk and confused". That was the last time I spoke to that ex. Any man that would just pee in the shower I knew was just NOT the man for me. After I kicked him out of my apartment I cleaned the bathroom from top to bottom with comet with bleach but that bathroom was just never the same. Later I heard a story from a mutual friend of ours about how another ex of his caught him peeing in her kitchen sink. I mean who does this kind of stuff!!! Ahhhhh memories ........

Getting ready for the holidays

2008-12-05T14:06:00.000-08:00

So I spent the day going through allllll of our Christmas stuff we have out in the garage, and started putting everything up. The inside of out house is now Christmas ready but the outside .... not so much! I had so much fun going though all of the things we have collected over the year. And can you imagine in only 2 years of marriage and 5 1/2 years together we have boxes upon boxes of decorations. Every year we go to the store and pick out an ornament that has special meaning to the both of us to add to our tree. The first Christmas after we were married we picked out a silver R (for our last name) with swarovski crystal to hang from the star at the top of the tree. And for our second Christmas we got a rottweiler angel because the puppy that I had gotten Patrick as a Christmas gift the year before had passed away. If I can break the hold that ESPN has on Patrick, I am going to try to get him to go with me over the weekend to pick out our new ornament. As well as hang the Christmas lights. I know this may sound funny but when we first bought Christmas lights I did not want to feel like a total trader to my religion so I made Patrick buy blue lights. Since blue is a Hanukkah color it made me feel better about myself. Then we added an 8 foot Santa Clause to the mix, and well there is no longer any sign that there is someone Jewish in this house. Oh well at least my MIL will be happy ... j/k.

Here are some pictures I thought I would share. My camera batteries were dead so I took all of the pictures of the tree and the house with my cell phone. They are not the best but oh well =)

Pigging out for my B-day

2008-12-02T20:14:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is my Birthday but since Wednesdays are bowling night Patrick asked if it was ok that we went out tonight instead. I have to tell you we went to this amazing restaurant that just opened up afew months ago. I have never been to a Brazilian steakhouse and either has Pat so this was a first and we had no idea what to expect (http://www.texasdebrazil.com). I must admit there was so much food when we left I felt like I had pigged out. I think I ate more tonight then I did on Thanksgiving. And now I feel like I am going to die from over eating. Ughhhhh I am so full!!!! Must go walk up and down the stairs to that the pound of meat I ate does not stick to my ass.

Question

2008-12-01T22:09:00.000-08:00

I'm hoping one of you can answer this for me. As you all know I had my IUI on Saturday. I have been trying not to stress but I just feel like something went wrong. First off as I said in a prior post because of how bad IUI #1 was my RE gave me a prescription for valium it definitely helped calm my nerves but I never got O pains like I always do. So now I am concerned that I did not O. Then I got into a conversation with a friend that also goes to the same RE as me about my RE's sperm washing techniques. And it became clear to us that something is not right. Let me give you an example Patrick had 116 million swimmers with 79.6% motility after wash my RE said we ended up with 80 million healthy swimmers but my RE only inseminated me with 40 million. Reason being they only use 5cc when they inseminate you and that was exactly half of the swimmers. Why would they not use all 80 million swimmers. Is that odd to anyone else or just me???

Tha Husband Song

2008-11-30T21:48:00.000-08:00

My father sent this to me today and I got such a great laugh out of it that I thought I would share

(Update) & IUI #2 is complete =(

2008-11-29T16:50:00.000-08:00

So Patrick and I had a long talk after his talk with my step father. And long story short he apologized and said that the comment about loosing the baby being my fault was taken out of context. How one could take that out of context is beyond me but regardless I gave him one get out of jail free pass. I'm still not happy about how everything has gone down this week. But I decided to go through with the IUI this morning anyway. My reasons being 1) my 28th birthday is on Wednesday and It is my goal to have a baby before I am 30. 2) I did not want to regret spending all of that money on injections only to give up on the only part that my insurance covers. And 3) Because I want a baby more then anything in this world and after 2 1/2 years of trying I am just not ready to give up. So bright and early this morning I woke up and popped my 2 valium that my RE gave me in order to help me relax during my IUI as to not have a repeat of our first IUI. Jumped in the shower got dressed and off we went. I had some concerns about if I had already ovulated on my own pre HCG because I had some O like cramps on Thursday before I took my trigger but my RE did an ultrasound and confirmed that I didn't. So at 9:30 this morning I was inseminated with 40 million sperm. And now I am just waiting until my O pains kick in to confirm the timing. It's 4:48 P.M. now and so far I have felt nothing! Oh well, I really don't have high hopes for this month but at least I know I tried.

Thank you all for your support this week. You have no idea just how much I appreciate it. There is no way I could have ever gotten through all of this stress without all of you.

Lost

2008-11-26T15:04:00.000-08:00

I don't ask for much. I consider myself to be a pretty good wife. I don't complain when my husband waists an entire weekend drinking beer and watching sports. I don't bitch that every Wednesday after working all day that I have to go with my husband to his bowling league and hang out while he bullshits around with his friends and has a good time. I don't even complain when they decide to bowl a few "practice rounds" after and we end up out until after 11 pm when I have to wake up for work early in the morning the following day. All I ask is that the week of my insemination that he cut out alcohol and energy drinks. Now I understand that it is Thanksgiving tomorrow and he will be watching football and wanting a beer. But I don't feel like I am asking for the world just one week. I am so very sick and tired of being the only one that has to make sacrifices. Since we have been TTC I have cut out caffeine completely, taking daily vitamins not including some of the medications I was on before TTC and the ones that I have started taking since TTC, I have been poked and prodded I have had more people dig around in my crotch then any woman should have to endure. I have had HSG's, SIS's, D&C's, constant blood work and ultrasounds, hormones of disaster, I have had to take Clomid and stick needles in my body to the point where my thigh looks like a pin cushion. I have had to plan my life around shooting up. I have not had a drink in god only knows how long and all this jerk has to do is hump a plastic cup. It's fing bulls*%$. And the fact that he acts like I'm a jerk for asking him not to drink this week just blows my mind. Am I crazy for asking this? Am I making a bigger deal out of this then it needs to be? And why when I explain that I do not want the alcohol to affect his count on Saturday he says to me, Amy the Dr said I was a rock star last time I do not think a few beers this time is going to make much of a difference. Besides did I get mad at you back in July when we waisted all of that money and lost the baby because of you. I hung up the phone on him and have been avoiding his calls ever since. I'm speechless, there is nothing he could say to make that comment ok with me. And now I know how he truly feels. That it's all my fault. It's bad enough that I have been feeling like it is my fault but to have him come right out and say it just hurts.

And so the story goes ...

2008-11-25T13:52:00.000-08:00

I now have one 18mm follicle on my left side the other two well they were nowhere to be seen. And I have one 12mm follicle on my right side. Where that one came from no one really knows.

Here is what I think happened: I think that the 3 8mm follicles from last Monday got into a fight. One moved over to the right ovary because it didn't want to be around the other two and so it decided it wanted to go off and grow in it's own. With the travel time from moving it missed afew day's that it should have been growing hence why it is only 12mm. While this was occurring the two that remained on the left side continued to fight and one got kicked out of the ovary to never be seen again. Some might call it murder. But I guess we will never know since the 18mm won't talk.

Ok enough of my crazy talk. I can assume that the 12mm won't catch up by the time I trigger on Thursday night. So from the looks of it, I again only have on good egg come time of my IUI. I do intend to keep soaking me feet in hopes that my little 12mm straggler catches up. Oh well what can you do. My IUI is scheduled for Saturday at 9:30 in the morning. DH is not thrilled about getting up bright and early to diddle in a cup at 8 a.m. but he will have to get over that FAST! So for Thanksgiving I get all the fixings with a trigger shot on the side. Fun Fun!

My nephews new car

2008-11-21T13:59:00.000-08:00

My parents bought my nephew a walker shaped like a car and it has quickly become his new favorite toy. He is only 8 months old and already a little speed racer. I went to go see him earlier today and had a good laugh at how cute he was racing around the kitchen island honking his horn. It was one of the funniest things I have ever seen. He was chasing the dog and following me around, and when I walked out of the room onto carpet where he couldn't go with his little walker he honked his horn and screamed at me. It was to cute!

Insult to injury

2008-11-21T10:07:00.001-08:00

Wednesday is Patrick's bowling night. His boss, a fellow co worker and my step father all bowl together on a league. Since the bowling alley is in a casino my mother and I tag along and go out to eat and catch up with one another. So on Wednesday we did our usual and meet at the bowling alley to decide where we wanted to go. When we arrived at our destination we got to talking about my cousin that lives in Australia. And how he was out in NY visiting his mother (my aunt). My mother informed me that he and my other cousin were in route to Florida to visit out grandmother and how it would have been nice if my sister and I would have gone and meet up with them. The hormones must have gotten to me because I immediately chewed my mothers head off saying that if I would have known there plan I would have gone. It really ticked me off. How the heck was I to know that they were going to travel out to Florida. What am I psychic??? My mother realized that she struck a nerve and immediately changed the subject. But not thinking about what she was saying she proceeded to tell me that my cousin that just had a baby in May is trying to get pregnant again. I excused myself from the table and went to the bathroom to cry. I know that her comment would have bothered me regardless but the hormones make it 50 million times worse. I have been on such a hormonal roller coaster these past few days. I just don't know how I'm going to handle the holidays being this big of a train wreck. I know that most people don't even realize they are saying anything hurtful. My mother had no clue that what she was telling me would hurt me. But what people don't seem to understand is that I have been at this for so long everything baby related hurts. I just need to find the strength to make it through the holidays. After that I can crawl back into my hiding spot and hope that everyone just leaved me be.

Thanksgiving Survey

2008-11-21T09:33:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving Survey from Quizopolis.com
Where will you be eating this Thanksgiving? - My moms house
Will you be watching a game this Thanksgiving? - of course
How long will you spend eating your thanksgiving meal? - IDK 20-30 minutes
Are you worried about putting on weight this Thanksgiving? - No
What do you normally eat at Thanksgiving? - Turkey, cranberries, sweet potato, stuffing the normal stuff
What is your favorite Thanksgiving food? - Turkey
What will you be thankful for this Thanksgiving? - Friends and Family
What is your best Thanksgiving memory? - Last year when I had all of my family and Patrick's family over to eat.
Do you give cards or presents at Thanksgiving? - No
Are you planning on going shopping the day after Thanksgiving? - No if all is planned correctly I will be making a baby that day
Will you be waking up early to hit the sales? - No

Follicle check #1

2008-11-20T13:47:00.000-08:00

So I have 3 follicles on the left side and nothing on the right side. The 3 follicles that I do have are nothing great only measuring in at around 8mm a piece. As my RE put it they are slow progressing. I'm really bummed! She canceled my appointment that I had for Monday and moved me to Tuesday. I really would like to have at least 2 good follicles come time for my IUI. I just don't get it. The cycle before she put me on BCP I had produced 2 good follicles on my own. So why can I not do the same on these injections?

How can people be so nasty!

2008-11-18T17:05:00.000-08:00

For those of you who don't know, I work in real estate. The company I have worked for over the past 4 years only has 3 employees. My boss, me and Patrick. My boss Chuck spends his day's BSing with builders, clients and looking for potential clients, Patrick is our realtor (although this is not his full time job his second job is in collections) and I run everything! I handle our clients, overseeing construction of new projects (rehabs), rentals, scouting new homes, you name it, I do it. So anyway back to my point of all this. About 2 months ago Chuck had a friend of a friend that needed somewhere to live. I try to make it a point not to mix business & friends as it always ends up bad. The only place I had that was vacant was a mid rise condo that we rent as a vacation rental. Since it is located right on the strip and I had fully furnished it. I really did not like the idea of renting it to someone that was trying to make it there permanent home. But against my better judgement I was talked into it. The girl that moved in (we will call her Heather) came packed with just her clothing. I walked through the property with her and she was impressed with my decorating skills. Complimenting me on having such great taste. I went over the lease with her and she signed it. But when I asked to collect her check from her she suddenly remembered that she forgot her check book and would have to meet with me or Chuck later on that day. I called Chuck as I did not want to leave without a check since it was just not how I operated. He convinced me that he would pick it up from her later. So I handed her the keys and let her know that I refused to list her on the gate (the property is guard gated and no one can come in without being on the gate list) until I received payment and left. I had this feeling in the pit of my stomach that something was going to go wrong. For days I repeatedly asked Chuck if he received the rental payment from Heather and each day I go the same answer. He called and I called we even both stopped by but she was never there or at least never answered the door. Finally Chuck meet with her and she gave him half of what she owed for October but by now we were one week into November. She promised that I would have the money by the 12th but when the 12th came and went I still had not received anything from her. So Chuck and I had a meeting and decided enough was enough so we posted a 5 day pay or quit on the door. And when the 18th (today) rolled around and she had not called or paid we went over to change the locks. We approached the door and could smell a foul odder. What it was I have no clue and hope to never find out. I walked in first and all I could hear beneath my feet was slush slush. I could tell there was water under my feet. Chuck hit the lights and you could hear both of us gasps, I had never seen anything so nasty in my life. Do you hear that I said? The shower is running. Chuck called out, Heather are you here. No one answered back. We backed out of the condo and closed the door. We decided to wait for security to come as we did not know what we were walking into.

Security showed up and walked the condo. They came out 5 minutes later and gave us the all clear to walk in. The shower in the master bathroom was plugged up and left running. It must have been running for a good week as it had soaked every inch of flooring throughout all 1100 sq feet of the condo. All I could do was cry. Plants were destroyed glass was broken, condoms were on the floor. It was like nothing I had ever seen. I walked towards the guest room when the security guard yelled don't be alarmed it is just ketchup. I turned the corner and what looked like blood was dumped all over everything from the walls to the carpet. She even tried to set the bed on fire. My heart broke. Was this an act of vandalism or was she just this nasty. On the kitchen counter was a piece of paper rolled up like a straw. And when I looked at the counter there was white powder on it. Could drugs have played a roll in why they destroyed my clients condo? Who knows at this point. All I do know is that I am so disappointed in myself for not going with my gut on this one. Usually if I am really adamant about something Chuck knows it is for a valid reason and to just agree with me. But in this situation I let someone convince me otherwise. I spent a month decorating that condo. I designated my weekends to the rehab of the kitchen and flooring. I practically lived there for the month that construction was taking place. I hand picked the granite counters, travertine flooring and carpet. I hung TV's put furniture together this project was my baby. I had a plan to buy as many of the bank owned units as my investors could afford in this building, and rent them as vacation rentals since I had such a great response from this one unit. And in five seconds flat all of my hard work was destroyed. To make matters worse when I went to the security gate to inform the guard not to let anyone other then me on premise for our unit he replied you not Amy ... I know her and you are not her. I had to pull out my drivers licence and prove to him who I was. I guess the only way she could get in to the complex was by saying she was me. After I meet with the security guards the neighbor across the hall came over to talk to me and filled me in on something I found real interesting. Heather was a prostitute. From what the neighbor told me she had men in and out of the apartment all day and night. I guess my condo was her little hooker hideaway. The neighbor said she was unsure at first but overheard Heather in the hallway one night discussing prices, With a man that this neighbor recognized right away as a once famous boxer. I can not believe that these things were going on in one of my properties. I have always been a very picky landlord specifically for these reason. I never wanted to be a slum lord and I never wanted these kind of tenants. In my 6 years in this business 4 years of running Chuck's company I have had such a great success rate as far as tenants go. Not to say that I have never had nasty tenants but never anything close to this.

On Schedule for IUI #2

2008-11-17T11:12:00.000-08:00

I had a great visit with my RE today. And tonight we start my follistim injections. Ahhhhh what a sigh of relief! She said my ovaries look calm (whatever the heck that means). And I go back on Thursday for my first follicle check. I am just so happy right now. I feel really good about this month. Only thing I have to do before Thursday other then start my injections is go and have one last blood test done to check for PAI-1 (plasminogen activator inhibitor-1). Although I swear I have already been checked for that, and it came back negative. But to appease I will go today and have the test done. I'm off to a good start and hopefully the next few weeks will run just as smooth.

Guess who showed for breakfast!

2008-11-15T11:08:00.001-08:00

Yep, she is here, and I am thrilled. I'm finally back on track. Monday morning I have a Dr appointment and Monday night I get to start my injections. Yeah!

Just took my last pill ... And now we wait

2008-11-13T20:42:00.000-08:00

That's right I just took my last BCP, hopefully AF will not take forever to show up. If all goes as I have planned it, AF will hopefully be here on Saturday. And come Monday I will be back to shooting up! (If all goes as planned) So with that I leave you with a little South Park Ditty called the period song .....

Dream or Nightmare... Hmmmm

2008-11-12T10:27:00.000-08:00

So last night I had a dream that scared the crap out of me. Here's how it went ...

I was in my RE's office to receive the results of my BETA and it came back BFP. I was so excited my mom was with me since Patrick had to be at work. We went into the ultrasound room to see how many little beans were in there and I remember it so clearly I laid down on the table and watched as she pointed out a little heartbeat. It was amazing! Then she started counting one, two, three, four, five, six ....! You have six little heartbeats. My mother was crying with excitement and that is about when I woke up.

Holy Crap could you imagine. I know it is virtually impossible but it still scared the daylights out of me. My RE has at least one patient that I know of that delivered sextuplets (see link http://www.maschemiracles.com/ ) conceived via IUI. So that got me thinking how many is to many and what would I do if we ended up with more then one or two babies. I asked Patrick what he thought and he said well I guess we would do whatever was safest for you and the babies. I could tell that I had freaked him out, but this was something neither of us had thought about. I know that with my RE upping my meds to produce more eggs we will be at a greater risk of multiples. And while I welcome the idea of having two since we have decided we are only going through this headache one time and one time only. What if we ended up with more then we could physically or financially handle. I never intended on being a stay at home mom. I love working and couldn't imagine not, heck with more then two babies I could never afford not to work.

I think I have stressed myself out enough for one day... So with that I have to get my butt back to work so I can save up in case I ever birth a litter of puppies =)

One more day and then the wait for AF begins

2008-11-12T10:19:00.000-08:00

Time has flown by and tomorrow is my last night of BCP. I wonder how long it will take AF to show after my last pill? I keep looking in the refrigerator at my follistim cartridges, last night I actually told them that I would be seeing them soon. Patrick looked at me like a had lost my mind. I can't help it I am just so excited! I feel like a little kid around Christmas. Staring at the presents hoping my parents will let me open just one and being told I have to wait till Christmas. (Or in my case Hanukkah) The anticipation is killing me.

My mom decided to have alittle Christmas list fun as well

2008-11-10T15:42:00.000-08:00

So of course I called my mother and sister as soon as we got home from my MIL house to read them the ridiculous list that my MIL gave me. And I made sure to send my mom and sister a copy of my list that they got such a good laugh at they distributed it to my mothers side of the family for a laugh. Well all of 15 minutes ago an e-mail from my mom appeared in my inbox with my mothers list. I thought it was pretty funny and had to share. I have a feeling more lists will be coming my way.

WITH THE HOLIDAYS APPROACHING I FEEL THAT WE SHOULD EXPRESS OUR DESIRES TO HAVE A HAPPY HEALTHY HOLIDAY.

I feel a little left out around my holidays as well as yours Amy. Hanukkah is a fun filled dradle spinning time filled with laughter and family. Come light the Hanukkah candles. I feel that Pat should learn the prayer and say it one night during the 8 nights of celebration. I would also appreciate some presents being wrapped in Hanukkah wrapping paper as well if we must X-mas paper. I would liked to be joined during the Passover Holidays at a family dinner filled with Gefilte fish, liver, and matzoh. I would also appreciate your fasting along with me during Yom Kipper it will shed your bodies of sin and cleanse you. ( you cannot brush your teeth drink water and put anything in your mouth for 24 hours.

I am old and can't afford a cleaning girl. Maybe the two of you can help clean once or twice a month that's how often I do the hard stuff, shower etc....I love the Lifetime channel so come watch a movie with me. I'll even make popcorn.

I've always wanted to go to Mexico and any all inclusive vacation to a beach area with a spa etc..save up your extra money. It would be great, if you can pay for our trip. You'll have to watch the dog and Sabrina and knowing Jenifer probably Reece while were gone, you might as well use that time to clean my house so that I can be surprised when I come home to a extra-clean house. Replace everything you eat in the Refrigerator and cabinets (money doesn't grow on trees for food you know). Oh! If you really want to surprise me, mow the lawn, pick up the dog shit, it would make me so happy.

I can use, new jeans, tops, underwear, shoes. Don't buy anything with Rayon in it, it wrinkles to easily, and only machine washable. If you see something you really like that has to be dry cleaned buy it and include a gift certificate to Al Philips the Cleaners..

Please stop shaving Molly, I feel so bad for her after, she looks weird.

Amy a love when you blow out your hair so please do that for me once in a while when you take me out for lunch.

Pat if you could cut down to 10 beers when I'm around you I would feel much better about you destroying your Liver.

Call you grandmother more often, she is almost 86 years old. Who knows how long she will be with us, if you throw in a couple of Jewish expressions during the conversation OY will she be happy.

Rainbow cookies, brownies, Ice cream some of my favorites.
Chinese Wor Wonton soup as well as my own chicken soup (do you want the recipe).
Salad , love salad, Amy why don't you join me in a salad one day. That would take by breath away. I'll treat.

Once in a while it would be nice if you would give me gambling money a hundred or so.

Desperate Housewife, lost

Jose Grobin love his voice, music.

Ice cream sodas,egg creams, jelly candy, jelly beans

So many wants not enough time, years are passing fast. You never know when the end will come. I don't want you to feel guilt after I'm gone so do what you can for me now while I'm still here.

Happy holidays, hopefully it won't be the last. May god bless everyone and keep us all safe

My Christmas list for my MIL

2008-11-10T13:04:00.000-08:00

Patrick's response to his mothers Christmas list was just to shake his head in disbelief. He said he is going to have a talk with her about it but I have a feeling he won't. So here is my Christmas list back to her. I would never send it because it is way to mean, but it felt good venting!

#1. Fertility treatment is very expensive and while my mother has contributed to the cause you haven't! I did not want to make you feel left out or have you feel that this is more of her grandchild then yours, since she has helped pay for it. So with that being said checks can be made to Dr L w/ RRF. Or you can get me a gift certificate to Schrafts Pharmacy. One cycle of medication runs close too $2,000 not including what I have to pay to the Dr.

#2. Book swap. I will read the Bible but at the same time feel that it is imperative that you read the Torah. Have your priest call my rabbi and we can make the swap.

#3 I would not be opposed to going to Church but I feel that it should be again a fair swap. So I will go to midnight mass and expect to see you at temple all 8 nights of Hanukkah.

#4 Cookie Exchange! I am all for this but remember we are embracing our new traditions and with that I feel all cookies should be kosher.

#5 I feel that there are some issues that you are trying to work on in your Christmas list but for some reason are unable to come right out and let us know what is going on. I feel it might be in the family's best interest to seek therapy to find out what is making you feel unloved and unappreciated. It is not a competition between my family and yours. I know sometimes you feel like you are the last to know and my family is always the first to know. But if it makes you feel any better I like you more then I like my own father! And he will always be the last to know anything.

#6 I have given you a book to write all about yourself in. I know how hard it must be for you to ramble on and on when you have to write down all of your thoughts. But the purpose of that is so that I can turn the page when I get board. If I have to talk to you and hear all of your rambling chances are I will loose all interest and stop listening, as I have a very short attention span towards anything that comes out of your mouth.

#7 I would take you to lunch but refer back to line 1 when I have informed you that I am spending every penny I have trying to give you the gift of life. Stop being so greedy!

#8 I like jello

#9 Wash MY car. Why does it always have to be about you.

#10 If I don't walk my own dog why would I walk yours. But feel free to come pick up my Molly any day of the week as she would love for you to come take her for a walk. And while your here feel free to say Hi. I really value our "Quality Time"

#11 DVD Maid of Honor, Throw momma from the train ... Any movie to do with annoying mother in law's of just mothers in general.

#12 Burn the recipe to Frito pie no one likes it and I still have diarrhea just thinking about it.

#13 Stop giving me all of the crap that you are to much of a pack rat to throw away. No I do not want Patrick's crib from the 80's as I am sure by now it is very unsafe. I am paying to much to have a baby to put it into a death trap. Also I do not want all of your outdated baby books from the 70's and 80's if the book says the you can put the baby in a hamper or box instead of a crib it is very outdated and should be immediately throw in the trash. That goes for all of the baby name books that only give biblical names. If you do not quit with the bible BS I will be naming your future grandson either Shmuley, Hyam or Asher And your granddaughter Vita, Shoshanah or Rivka do not test me!

My MIL Christmas list of guilt

2008-11-09T22:27:00.000-08:00

Yesterday Patrick and I went to visit my mother in law, and to watch a football game with her and her husband. While there we got on the subject of Christmas lists. Every year my MIL asks us for a list and then turns around and gives us a guilt trip about how money is tight. So we never give her a list and always tell her to get us what she thinks we could use within her budget. The annoying part of that is that it is total bull crap and we know that money is never tight it is just them that are the tight wads, and don't like to spend money. Anyway while we were there my MIL pulls out her Christmas list and hands one to us and one to my BIL. I take a quick glance at it and roll my eyes at the things she has put on her list. On the way home I read the list to Patrick and just can not believe what I am reading.
Here is her list exactly as written on the paper she gave us. My comments are in red.
#1 DVD's Kung Fu Panda or Fly Wheel (from the christian book store)
#2 The relaxation CD from Target
#3 Write in on your calender EACH MONTH things like: call Mom once this month, go see Mom once this month, tell Mom a joke, ask Mom about her childhood, grandparents, what she wanted to be when she grew up OR tell her one of these things about yourself!
This is so stupid to me because Patrick talks to her at least once a week when she calls to give us one of her poor me calls. As far as seeing her once a month every time we try to do something with her she either has a headache or her back hurts. And as far as asking about her childhood and what not, I made it a point back when I was pregnant to go and pick her up a grandparents book to fill out all about her and her life. And I sat down and had a long talk about how important it was to me that she fill the book out because I wanted to make sure I had it to pass down to my kids so they would know about there grandmother if god forbid anything ever happened to her.
#4 Go to Church with us 2-3 times this year. I'm not asking for the moon.... yet!
Now my problem with this one is that I am Jewish, not strict practicing but still. My family is jewish some more religious then others and my family would never ask him to set foot in a temple. And would not even bring it up for the simple purpose of not wanting to put him in a bad position. It's not like my MIL does not know I am Jewish so why she would ask that of us/me just makes me mad.
#5 Start a "game night" with the family once a month or two. Games could include board games, cards, some outdoor things.... Remember, I'm old!
Now I would be totally for this but again every time we try to do something with her we get the I have a headache my back hurts lecture.
#6 Pick a verse/chapter in the Bible you might like to know more about or just discuss with is once in a while.
I have never read the bible and I have no intention of it. I've read the Torah but something tells me she hasn't! The fact that she would even ask that of me is just disrespectful.
#7 Do some volunteer work together...Ask about Andre in Steve's class!
I would do volunteer work and have many times. Heck I use to work with an animal rescue and housed half the pound in my old home.
#8 Write me a poem, storey, letter about anything you want .... wishes, wants, dreams, regrets, favorites, dislikes, fears, top 10 things you love about yourself!
#9 Steve (Step FIL) loves almonds & praline pecans. I would love a pair of OU earrings, especially football. I know, I know, more earrings! But I need some for all my OU shirts!!!!!
#10 Wash my car for me!
Ahhhhh your kids are not 5 years old anymore wash your own car! Or I can hire someone to do it for you.
#11 Help put up some of the Christmas decorations, or get them out of the garage!
Again noooooo we have our own decorations to put up, but I will hire someone to put them up for you. Decorating one house is enough for me!
#12 Cookie Exchange! Each of us makes one kid of cookie, enough for everyone else to take 6 or 12 of each. If 6 of us make one kind of cookie, we end up with 3 to 6 dozen cookies, 6 different types! This takes lots of planning ahead!
Now I am a lover of baking but I am not a lover of eating food from other peoples homes that I do not know. Call me paranoid but I just can't eat something from someones home I have never been to. People are dirty and well that's all I have to say about that!
#13 Make Max and Molly for a walk
I am not driving 45 minutes to your house to take your dog's for a walk. That is just ridiculous to ask for.
#14 CD by The Tractors from Oklahoma their Christmas CD. It's been out a long time. I have the tape and have just worn it out.
#15 Invite me to lunch sometime. I'll be on my best behavior and try not to embarrass you. I'll even pay my own way!
Again refer back to the headache, back ache BS from #'s 5 & 3. We have tried to do this many of times but always get the same excuse.
#16 A 5x7 or 3x5 picture of you! It doesn't have to be fancy, formal or framed. Just fun!
I'll get right on that so that you can add it to the pile of pictures that you have of us and do nothing with. Last year she wanted us to take a family photo that we footed the bill for, and when she got the pic's she did not like how she looked in them so she threw them away. We never even got to see them.
#17 Speaking of pictures .... Patrick, I need my pictures back! I want all of you to go through the pictures with me to quickly pick out pictures you would want in a scrap book..... I may try me hand as scrap booking. If I'm not good at it, at least I'll know which pictures I'll need to duplicate for you! I can get started on that!
I can not believe she is asking for the boxed of Patrick's childhood pictures that she made us come pick up one day when she was on a cleaning mission to get rid of everything. As I remember it was come get them or they are going in the trash. And now she wants them back. AHHHHHH NO!
#18 I missed out on so much of your lives when you were little. Now that you are grown and on your own, you are making your own life. Again, I am not much of a part of your life. I miss you and love you so very much but as times, I feel like I hardly know you anymore. It's been 10 years since my mom died and even though we were very close, I still think of things I wished I had asked or said to her, my daddy, too. Please, help me find common ground with you so we can make memories together that you will cherish and want to share with your kids and grand kids long after I am gone.
Now while this makes me feel horrible that she feels this way I think this family us included could benefit from alittle therapy. There is obviously something deeper going on that is causing her to give us this Christmas list of guilt.
#19 Spa towels from JC Penney sage green with the squares or checker board look, bath size, one or two if you get them on sale.
How random to throw this in after that big fat guilt trip. It's just fing this odd.

Now don't get me wrong I love my mother in law but I just have no clue what is going through her head. This is just not a Christmas list and all it has done is make me very mad. Stay tuned for my Christmas list response ....

9 days down only 6 days left ....

2008-11-07T14:55:00.000-08:00

And then bye bye BCP! I can not I repeat can not wait to be off this stupid BCP. I have laid out the welcome mat for AF and hopefully she will be here between the 14th and 16th of November. I'm really feeling good about this next cycle. My meds are here and waiting, so that takes away from the last minute call to the pharmacy worried if I ordered on time for overnight delivery or not. And I am starting to get used to all of my new meds. The Metanx made me very nauseated for the first few days and now nothing. So now my daily regimen is Metanx, BCP, Levothyroxine, Baby Aspirin and my prenatal vitamins. It seems like alot but it is really not that bad. I have the alarm set on my phone to remind me to take my pills by 10 P.M. although I take my thyroid pills right when I get up. I am finally getting in to groove of things and it feels great. As soon as I get the all clear I will be adding my follistim injections to my daily regimen. And I have high hopes that I will have a successful BFP soon. I don't know what it is about today whether it's that it's Friday of that I woke up on the right side of the bed but something feels right about today.

My plan for tonight, I'm cooking dinner so when Patrick gets home he will be pleasantly surprised. Not that I don't cook but usually I am at work until the same time as him so I don't start cooking until we both get home. Plus with all of my free time from being home today I cleaned house and pulled all of our winter clothing out of the garage to clean and hang up. So if all goes as planned we will have dinner then go to a movie. Whatever we do I just look forward to spending alittle quality time together and not thinking or talking about babies or baby making. I'm gonna break open a bottle of wine and enjoy the BCP while I am on it. So here is to a good night and hopefully a great weekend!